Single & Fierce - Meet Mike!
I am not a self-proclaimed player. In fact, very recently, when my fellow bachelor Drew introduced me to a friend, saying: “This is Mike, he can get any girl in this bar,” I felt more pressure than pride. I’m the first to admit it’s not entirely true. I mean, I do alright, but I didn’t always.
I am, however, a self-proclaimed pop culture nerd. I grew up on eighties movies, where the heroes weren’t man’s men like Humphrey Bogart, and they didn’t have to go get the girl, the girl came to them. For me, John Cusack taught me that love meant getting trampled on until it finally paid off in the end. I tried that—I just got tired of waiting for the end.
In the beginning, I was the cliché chubby kid who wanted all the girls he couldn’t have. But that didn’t stop me from trying. And my great sense of humor and charming personality didn’t stop them from turning me down.
I did everything wrong. I tried to play sports but I was only good enough (and brave enough) for tennis. I started a band, but it was a Christian Ska band. Even after three U.S. tours, that still wasn’t sexy. In college, I began writing and became pretty good at it, a quality that is only appealing to girls who enjoy reading. But let’s be honest, I was a virgin— I wasn’t exactly looking for a girl to discuss Proust with.
I had my first serious girlfriend my freshman year in high school. She was a senior and would pick me up and we’d make out while listening to Jewel. Six months later, she went to college in the same town, but I guess dating a high school boy didn’t make sense anymore. Two years later, there was girlfriend No. 2. We lasted three years and broke up because things got “too physical” and we were waiting until marriage. Or, I was waiting until college and she was waiting for every boyfriend after me. Then there’s girlfriend No. 3, my longest and best relationship. Writing about her would just be confusing because she was perfect for me, but the timing wasn’t.
After college, or after I got tired of college, I moved to Los Angeles and my life was changed. I kept writing, I lost weight and I dated girls in the city that’s home to some of the most beautiful women on earth. Thanks to more than a decade of rejection, I had overcome my fear of talking to girls, and thanks to the loss of about 30 pounds, they no longer had any trouble talking to me. And so I became the man I am today.
Hi, I’m Mike, a 25-year-old unemployed, slightly overweight, college dropout who is too lazy to shave. (What for? I don’t have a job.) I know! My mom can’t believe I’m single either. I’m also a very confident, intelligent, interesting, entertaining, funny, standup comedian/writer—and apparently a player.
Being a player in Corpus Christi, Texas may not seem very impressive, but there are obstacles. It’s a beach city that’s home to the only university on its own island, Texas A&M University-Corpus Christi. The college doesn’t boast a spectacular department of anything, so those who attend are students from all over the country whose No. 1 criteria in an institution of higher education is that it’s on the beach. So, yes, beautiful, tan girls who make sure they look good enough to spend 85 percent of the year in shorts and tank tops. There is also a Navy base here. So I’m dealing with girls who are mostly out of my league and guys who are in great shape with excellent dependent medical benefits. Yet, according to Drew, I can get any girl I want.
Until now, my stories have all just been locked in the “future standup comedy bits” vault. They are stories of the promo girl who I got by playing hard to get then lost by being sweet. Or the rollerderby girl who drank tequila shot after tequila shot with me and then wanted to spend the night, but didn’t want anything to happen. Or the girl who was worried her house may be bugged by her C.I.A. agent boyfriend. Now, the vault is open for all of you Tyra fans. Hopefully, we’ll all learn something from each other.
Comments
Hey Mike, Its your friend from high school (Go Brahmas). I don't know why you said you had a hard time in High school with the girls. you always had one by your side and if you would had ever asked me out I would have gladly accepted. Glad to see that you are doing well.
Posted by: Laina | April 9, 2008 12:08 PM
Hi mike if all u r lookin for is dating the college gals then u gonna suffer some more otherwise the real women out there want real men not jocks in army gear. Ps with thase eyes n the sense of humor i cant imagine u striking out
Posted by: christian | April 7, 2008 12:32 AM
Mike, I totatlly agree with you about women down here being attracted to guys with confidence, that's why I love my Corpus Women! Don't stop writing the blogs Bro! This was some really good stuff.
Posted by: Tellie Dub J | April 6, 2008 3:28 PM
HAHA damn. we miss you in Nashville! I'm moving to NYC with Chris so you better come visit us. peace, love & fried chicken... JulieK
Posted by: Julie Kristine | April 6, 2008 9:22 AM
Mike, I was on Joe Hiliards show about dating in corpus and why and it sucks..Yall were on right before us i do believe. We never came to an answer that day...but oh well!! haha Anyways, just wanted to say hello...congrats on writing for the show, i look forward to reading your blog!
Posted by: Shannon | April 6, 2008 9:12 AM
Girls are attracted to confidence. It doesnt matter what anyone looks like, if they see themselves as inferior or unworthy and carry themselves that way, that repels women. You're a comedian, girls LOVE funny guys....who are confident. No one wants a guy who will sit and dwell on the past. Act like you're hot sh-t, act like you feel like you deserve the best. I'm not saying be an a--hole, I'm saying carry yourself with absolute confidence. That's what will get you noticed by women. That's just how it is. :)
Posted by: mandy | April 5, 2008 3:15 PM
That has to be the best pitch to single girls I've ever read.
Posted by: David | April 5, 2008 12:24 PM
Hi mike,you are a cute guy,dont you doubt it.Just take your time,the right gal is worth the wait
Posted by: Moji | April 5, 2008 7:32 AM
hello mike! well i hate to admit it,even though i don't want a man to be as intelligent as me....i really enjoyed your blog:) i think you are a very interesting guy who i am eager to keep hearing from. i look forward to reading your blogs! oh and by the way....great smile!;)
Posted by: Marisela | April 3, 2008 8:34 PM
You sound very humble and that you would be a cool guy to hang around with. I wish most guys were like you in the sense that they had the confidence to approach girls. It seems like your experinces in life have helped you become who you are.
Posted by: Alison | April 3, 2008 8:28 PM
Sounds outstanding!
Posted by: Caitlin | April 3, 2008 7:54 PM
Hey Mike! Being that I'm a Jersey girl in a small Texas town, you can imagine the uphill battle I have when it comes to dating Texas men. So I'm really looking forward to your insight on this awkward dance we call dating and helping us women with what we need to do to catch a good man, or in my case, a good ol' boy.
P.S.
you're effin cute!
Posted by: JerseyGirl_732 | April 3, 2008 6:45 PM
Opening the vault, huh? Uh-oh...sounds a little like Pandora's box. Could be dangerous, but I'm sure it will be interesting either way.
Posted by: Elizabeth | April 3, 2008 4:55 PM
hey mike!
well being a resident of Corpus Christi from Cleveland, OH. I know exactly what you're talking about. Don't worry, my strapping Navy guy friends feel the same way you do. I have an amazing relationship, but looking from the outside, I think that everything that everyone wants is right in front of them, but because of this PARTY FACADE this town brings on, it's difficult for anyone to realize it.
The girls try to act like they're too good for the guys, but complain when those same guys don't want to be bothered with them. Corpus Christi is one big high school yearbook that none of us want to look back on.
what you're looking for is there, just stop looking and it'll come... trust me
Posted by: Krystal | April 3, 2008 4:42 PM
Mike, I believe in miracles, since you came along, you sexy thing! I look forward to your weekly blog entries.
Posted by: Gina H. | April 3, 2008 4:39 PM
Well Mike, I'm kind of wondering where and how you're meeting these women and what your aim is. Are you still employing your Cusack humility and honesty to get the girl or are you really attempting to be more like the stereotypical "player" that Drew believes you to be?
Excellent blog! A good writer is definitely one thing I look for in guys so you definitely have some potential with English majors in the world. Keep it up and keep us posted!
Posted by: Brigitte | April 3, 2008 10:43 AM
So you're good looking, funny, smart, and have no trouble meeting women? I'm really starting to believe there is something wrong with the women in Corpus Christi!!!
Posted by: Melissa | April 3, 2008 7:35 AM
I have one word for you Mike...HOTTIE!! Welcome to Tyrashow.com, I think I speak for the ladies when I say we've been waiting for you!
Posted by: Steph | April 2, 2008 9:53 PM