As previously mentioned, we have recently embarked upon wedding season 2K8 - i.e. lots of drinking, flowers, introspection, unions of two bodies, drinking and cake. And when you grew up and went to college in Missouri, but currently live in California, this also means a lot of traveling. Alone. With free drink tickets.

I think we all smell a story coming along here...

Recently, Southwest had a mad sale on airline tickets. Naturally, I bought six. I don't mess around when it comes to flights under a hundred. Anyway, I don't know if any of you have flown Southwest lately, but they have this new boarding procedure where you are assigned a letter and number when you check in. This is great news, because now I have some element of control over who sits next to me. Read: I can make sure I'm always sitting next to young, hot guys who totally want me. As with the Jeep, I like to multi-task when I travel. I decide that the best way to do this is to check in exactly 24 hours before my flight to assure that I am one of the first to board the plane.

The problem with this is that I am an ideal row-sharer. Headphones on, thousand page novel in hand and size 4 body curled up against the window - I'm not bothering anybody. I mean, I'd want to sit next to me too. Apparently, so did a nagging mother and her teenage daughter. Over the course of the subsequent 3 1/2 hours, I learned that said teenager wears her pants too low, is not allowed to have dark soda and should be working on her English homework rather than listening to her iPod. I used all of my free drink tickets on this flight.

For my next adventure, I again check in 24 hours in advance. Only this time, I picked my row and then placed my bag in the aisle seat to deter anyone from sitting down. My plan was to remove the bag when I noticed a worthy suitor entering the cabin. Well..... this only works if you are 100% positive that the man to which you tell "yes, someone is sitting here," does not choose the row directly behind you. Eventually, as the flight got full and Matthew McConaughey did not board, I was forced to relinquish control of the aisle seat.

(Ahem.) I thought you said someone was sitting there.
Uh... they decided not... to... come...?

Alright. I've got to get smart. Apparently I need to board later if I want to retain control of my airborne fate. Here's the thing though - optimally I need about a mid-B range number. If I wait for C, I'm going to end up in a middle seat between the guy eating MickeyD's and the chick with the crying kid back by the bathroom. So begins my quest for the perfect time for online check in. I will save you the trouble and reveal that this is roughly 10-11 hours before your flight time.

It worked too. I boarded the plane only to find an empty window seat in the row with Zac Efron (plus ten years - minus the flat iron) sitting in the aisle. A heavy breather attempted to sit between us as the flight got full, but wouldn't you know, the finely aged teen hearthrob offered to move over and sit in the middle. Clearly, he totally wants me.

"What are you listening to?" Zac+10 purred from his curiously full lips.
"New Radiohead."
"Oh my god, it's fantastic right?"
"Totally."
"I've seen them in concert twice."
"Let me guess, with your girlfriend?" (I am creative.)
No. My ex...
Oh!
Boyfriend.
Oh.