I first met Promo Girl in December. The Promo Girls are a group of cute, twenty-something ladies who promote events in Corpus Christi, guaranteeing that beautiful women are in attendance at an event. I phoned in as a guest on their radio show to promote a comedy show I was doing the following weekend.

The topic of discussion that day was as intense as it gets on Promo Girl Radio: “What’s your New Year’s resolution?” My resolution this year deals with my dating life but it follows the philosophies of prison life. What I’ve learned about prison (from prison movies only) is that if you want to survive, upon arrival you’ve got to either take down the biggest, baddest dude in the place or become someone’s b**ch. I resolved that I would model my dating life similarly. If I could get a girl whose job it was to be beautiful and to get attention, my respect level and self-esteem would rise to an all-time high.

Promo Girl complained that she had no New Year’s Eve date because guys were intimidated by her. So when she asked about my resolution, I realized I had to set myself apart from the guys she was complaining about. So I replied with no intimidation, “My resolution is to date a Promo Girl.” Some flirting went on, but we didn’t make any plans.

Two days later, Promo Girl commented on one of my Myspace pictures, “I like this one.” I checked out her pictures, all accompanied with comments like “you look hot here, baby” or “you so fine” from guys from all over. I couldn’t be just another guy who constantly complimented her.

Finally, we made plans to meet at my comedy show, where I would be the star for 10 minutes and she would be just another audience member. This girl was used to being the center of attention, so I had to take advantage of the role reversal.

Car trouble kept her in Dallas. Strike one for her and, yes, I told her so. She was out of my league but I couldn’t let her think that.

A few days passed and another unexpected comment from Promo Girl appeared on one of my Myspace pics: “Not gonna lie…you look cute here.”

I had to make sure I played this right. So I emailed back, “I owe you a picture comment. Here it is: You have way too many pictures.”

Later, I told her I was going to a midnight movie screening. I didn’t ask her to go, I just let her know what I would be doing, with or without her, that weekend. She replied, “I can totally go, we need to stop talking about hanging out and do it already.”

“I don’t know, what if we meet and I don’t like you in person,” I wrote back. I had to let her know that, unlike most guys, I wasn’t automatically hers.

“That’s possible,” she replied. “Great now I’m paranoid.” Yes, the young, hot Promo Girl, was paranoid that the overweight, too lazy to shave, standup comedian wouldn’t like her. This was new to me. Like most guys, I’m not very hard to get, so I’m not a pro at playing hard to get like most ladies are.

We went to the movie, and then to her house where we sat on her couch and made-out like high school kids. “You should consider yourself lucky,” she said. “Not every guy gets a chance with me.”

“Maybe you’re the lucky one,” I told her.

“Maybe I am,” she said. We kissed some more. “You’re so cute” she said. I had to keep her thinking that I wasn’t the “every guy” she was talking about, so I kept my compliments to myself.

“Wait,” she said. “If we don’t stop, I’m going to go too far.”

I laughed and said, “What makes you think I want that to happen?” (Of course, I did.) So I replied, “I have self-control.” (I didn’t say how much.) We kept going. She was out to test me. Cue pretend self control.

“We should save some stuff for next time,” I said. And we said our goodbyes.

All that we saved on date one we spent on date two. Date three was a repeat of date two, and I admitted to her that I was starting to like her more than I thought I would. She won. I was now just another guy who liked her. There was no date four.