i need help desperately I'm disabled woman with two teenage sons and my ex is trying to put me in jail because my son josh will not go and see him. his dad abused us for 17 years.am i not going to make him go to a dad that abused him, how Can i am his mother,i have to protect him.'''so please help me find help i have no money and cannot get a lawyer' women and children in this town of hillsville VA. have no right at all we are just a piece of property'' i just fell that this country has forgot all the poor women,there is just no one out there to help us must we all die be for anyone cares.

Hey again.
OhMiGosh. I have just turned 13 and I just read a comment about not being just physically abused, but also mentally. I am currently in a relationship with a boy I love to death and he loves me to death as well. We have been together for a long while. But one of my previous boyfriends was a bit older than me and expected more than what I wanted to do. He threatened me and I dumped him and never saw him again. I was scared at first when I got with my current boyfriend that he would do the same, even though we are the same age and he is lovely and sweet. I was so worried about it, I even asked him if he would ever hurt me if I didn't want to do anything, he said no, I love you too much to ever hurt you. And so far, he has never hit me or got angry with me. But he always seems to want me to do things I don't really want to do, like send pictures of myself. So far I haven't done anything I shouldn't of and I have stayed pretty much very clean but he keeps on going on at me, bribing me saying how much he loves me. I'm scared soon he will turn violent If I don't do anything to please him. So what do I do?
Help please.
Thanks again.
Grace-Sarah
x

Written by Larry:...whats that all about i mean im not a geek im athletic i make girls laugh and feel better about them self but i always end up last HELP ME UNDERSTAND PLEASE.

Larry... YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND... It's all about perception!! It is NOT A FACT that women prefer a rich, light skinned jock... THE FACT IS THAT WOMEN LIKE CONFIDENT MEN!!!!! Of course we would love to be with someone who can help out a little with the bills... But trust and believe, their are PLENTY OF WOMEN who have men without jobs... and LOVE THEM TO DEATH!!!! Jocks are usually more active, in shape and more lively (GREAT) they also tend to be overly confident, cocky, and soemtimes abusive & unfaithful(NOT GOOD)! ...and for Light Skin... PLEASE... IT IS NOT THE SEVENTIES OR EIGHTIES any more HONEY... light skin is not in!!! Like they say... The darker the berry the sweeter the juice!!! Your problem is not your skin color... It's your way of thinking! You said you make good money (good), You say you are respectful, a good listener and motivating (good friend qualities) BUT what about FUN!!! How exciting or spontaneous are you?? Do you surprise with gifts (not often, you'll get used!!) Do you make them laugh? Do you go to new places or change the scenery every now and then? You say you try not to show your low selfesteem, but you don't realize a lack of selfesteem is not something you can really hide, maybe in the beginning, but if your spending time talking to these women.. they will see it in your conversation and altimately loose interest!! You mentioned: Jocks, rich, light skinned... If a women(or man) likes someone based on these qualities, they are SHALLOW and not worth your time any way!! Have you ever wandered (or noticed) that a lot of very pretty women have an ugly boy friend or see a woman and man together and wander what he had to do to get someone like her!! Well, trust me when I say "If it's long term, it rarely has to do with his looks, money or skin complection(these are temporary toys!). There are certain traits that most women (not all)look for in a man that they plan to spend a lot of time with... Most women want to feel Loved, Respected, Secure, Appreciated and Protected!" If you are a sweet heart but lack confidence a woman will need you when they are stressed and needing to talk but you will not be the one to go out with because your not FUN!! If your not confident you won't be willing to do crazy things in public (to make the woman laugh) everybody has an inner child, sometimes the woman might want to run around, be chased or ticked or a water fight! When you have confidence, people know!!! You can see confidence (different than cockyness) walking in the room... When a woman gets dressed up (hair, makeup, nails, toes, new outfit)and goes out (after a graduation, promotion, birthday, etc.) She is confident and you can tell when she walks into a room (with purpose)full of people, with her head held high... all eyes on her and she knows it!!! Same situation, different esteem level... woman with no confidence will try to get there early, so as not to be seen by everyone, hurry to a seat, not much socializing, little eye contact with strangers... you know!!
OK, I'm a bit long winded, so I'll end with this... It's not whats on the surface that counts, it's about whats on the inside. You can not really be motivating to someone with low selfesteem if you aren't confidence yourself! You can say positive and motivating things, but if they are around you and notice you don't practice what you preach, they'll begin to look for someone who can!!!!!

There are PLENTY of VERY DARK AND NOT SO ATTRACTIVE MEN WHO ARE DOING GREAT... BECAUSE OF CONFIDENCE AND INTELLIGENCE, NOT RACE OR COMPLECTION!!!

TYRA..SOMETIME WE ARE BEING ABUSED AND NOT REALLY KNOW IT..PHYSICAL ABUSE CAN BE RECOGNIZED BECAUSE IT IS VISABLE... BUT IT IS THE MENTAL ABUSE THAT IS SOMETIME VERY HARD TO SEE.AS A HUMAN-BEING FEMALE OF MALE...WE HAVE TO LOVE OURSELVES AND OUR BODIES. IF WE DO THIS WE WILL NOT LET ANYONE DO HARM TO IT.REMEMBER THIS... IF YOU LOVE ME...YOU LOVE MY BODY..AND YOU TREAT IT WITH RESPECT AS I DO..RACHEL AGAIN

Tyra,
I am a 39 year old female, my very first boyfriend raped me at age 13. At age 14 I became pregnant, FORCED by my mother to have an abortion. The one and only abortion I've ever had, the abortion clinic failed to check my pregnancy level and My Stomach Was Left Scared For Llife. Damaged tissues, I have to carry for the rest of my life caused me to be infertile/sterile and unhappy with life. Now, the damages has left me destroyed mentally and emotionally because I Can't Bare Children on my own. I lost Two Pregnancies because of Scared Fallopian Tubes, both fallopian tubes has been CUT to merely nothing and now the only way that I can give birth is to do Invitro Fertilization (IVF). I have No Desire to Have Sex anymore, it's been TEN years and I feel it will be a waste of time. My body has no fluids to even enjoy sexual intercourse, it's dry, depressing, and mentally I can't concentrate on enjoying sex. My husband and I divorced because of my lack in sex, and my infertility issues. Since 1998, I been living a SECRET LIFE, I gave that up and now I am living a life without romance and sex. Will I ever have sex again? I don't know........ All I do each day is take care 6 children that I adopted, as a single mother, now a woman in christ I still have a heart desire to have my very own.

Tyra,
I just saw your show about the issues kids face in high school. The 17 year old girl who was in the abusive relationship really hit home. Almost one month ago, a childhood friend of mine was found dead. Although we were only friends when we were kids, it was so hard to hear that she was dead. She was killed by her ex- boyfriend. He would hit her and yell at her but she never told anyone. A few days before she disappeared, she showed up to work with bruises on her and a black eye. The day she went missing, her ex-boyfriend picked her up promising to bring her to a memorial grave site for her friend who had just passed away. Although the real story hasn't been revealed, supposedly they got into a fight and he ended up strangling her and dumping her body in the woods. The next morning she was found. Her ex-boyfriend is in jail awaiting his trial. What I would like is for you to help teens against abuse. I'm so happy you had Jaslene come on the show to tell girls her story.
Girls who are abused need to speak up before something like this happens. No one ever deserves to go through what my classmate went through. She didn't get to live life. She was only 19 years old and her life was cut short. Her wake was the saddest and hardest thing I've ever dealt with. Please speak up. Even if you are scared you need to speak up. There is ALWAYS someone who can help you.

Tyra I just wanted to thank you for your show about teens in high school and especially about the abusive relationships. I'm 18 and I just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship. I think I was one of the lucky ones because looking back with my parents after I'd gotten out of the relationship, I probably would have become physically abusive soon. My ex-boyfriend just seemed like he was overly caring but I soon began to realize that he was controling and jealous, When he called me I just knew to tell him exactly where I was and what I was doing because if I didnt he'd get mad and upset he always thought that I was into some other guy all the time. It just became a real stressful situation and when I told my dad about it and got his help to get out of it, we went to talk with my ex and his mother to let them know I didnt want anything to do with him anymore, he totally blew up, he broke things in the house, and was throwing all sorts of cuss words at me and he kicked in the tail light on my dad's car and was throwing things into the street at car's it was horrible I'd never seen him like that. We had to call the police and have him arrested. And we almost had to get a restraining order. I'm just glad that it didnt go any further. But your show helped me alot through this healing process So I wanted to thank you very much for that

I was in an abusive relationship. I stayed with him because I thought it was the "right thing to do" because I have a son to him. I dealt with him cheating on me and taking my car to go see his other "friends." I was the one working and had to walk to work several days pushing my son (@ 1yr old) in the rain, cold, & night air just to get to work because he'd leave with my car and not come back. When he'd come home we'd end up fighting and every time I'd try to leave, he'd pull a part off my car so I couldn't leave. He'd slam me into walls by the throat. He'd throw whatever he could get his hands on @ me. He threw my stereo @ me and it shattered @ my feet and cut my leg. The scar finally went away enough that it can't be seen now. Probably one of the worst things I went through was when we got in a fight in the yard all over because he wanted to put speakers in my car and I told him that with a 1yr old in the back seat I didn't want all that noise in MY car. He wouldn't listen to me and I got mad and turned my back on him and walked away. He got mad that I walked away from him. He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my chest, threw his leg between my legs and threw me to the ground. The way he threw my leg out, my knee actually popped out of place and as I hit the ground he pulled my leg straight up to pop it back into place. Then I had to go to work and work 8hrs on a blown out knee. It swelled up to the size of a basketball by the end of my shift because I worked in a fast food restaurant @ that time and couldn't really sit down. The "icing on the cake" that finally got me to where I left was when he had to finally come home and tell me that this girl was claiming to be pregnant with his kid. I told him I was going to get tested and make sure he didn't give me anything. He back handed me across the face and for about 10 minutes I was unable to hear out my ear. I called my sister and asked her to come get me out of there because I couldn't go through it anymore and I didn't want My son growing up thinking that, that's who you treat someone. Thank God he's not on the birth certificate and has no rights. Once I moved I started to see a friend of mine that has been in my life for 14 yrs as a friend and he treats me like gold. While @ my place one night watching TV the ex showed up and began beating on my door to get "let in" and I ignored him. After him trying to pry open windows and calling my phone none stop my boyfriend confronted him @ the the door and politely asked him to leave. While he did and came right back with an aluminum baseball bat. There was no confrontation because my boyfriend would not go to his level. So, the 1st thing Monday morning I went and filed a Pfa. It was granted and the judge told me that since he's not on the birth certificate and hasn't done anything for him, he was stripped of any paternal rights. I still put up with him occasionally following me around and he got one of his new girls to get a job where I work to think he would get some "inside" information. But I can't stand her and I keep my distance from her and any of her friends and she's going through the same thing (minus the child) and I already tried to help her get away from him but she went right back. So, I washed my hands of her. And the one that he cheated on me with and was pregnant, he moved in with her about 2 weeks after I moved out and she "mysteriously" miscarried. She won't go into detail how it happened but she went through the same abuse I did and I stayed away when I found out I was pregnant, she let him move in and I believe that he hit her hard enough to make her miscarry because all she says is that it's too painful to talk about. He destroyed my self esteem and had complete control of me. Now, I'm completely free and completely happy. I wouldn't change my life for anything now. I have a boyfriend that actually loves me and my son that is the best thing that has ever happened to me. So, to any girl in a relationship like this.... It's not worth it and your better than that. LEAVE HIM!!!!!

I have never been in an abusive relationship but many of my friends have.

I once when out with someone who was very sweet and loving when we where together about 2 years his dad died leaving him vunerable so i took it easy with him and comforted him in every way i could then one day he seemed to be taking it worse than any other and he hit me and as soon as he did he kept apologizing but i still broke it off. Maybe i should of understood but i could'nt risk the violence continuing. We are still good friends but i would never let it go any further than that!

I think any male/female should just get right out of any relationship that is about to turn abusive. Becaue i think verbal abusive is just as bad, know one deserves that..

And don't think only females get this, i have read and know male who have girlfriends or wives that hit or verbally abuse them. And it's not that they can't stand up for themselves sometimes they just love them too much or feel that they are sometimes in the wrong and deserve it. Whitch is stupid as i said before know one deserves it.

Comment on this please!!

.Rebecca.

i understand what the abusive relationships are like ive never been in one but i have friends (females) that have been in them. im a DARK black male and i have friends that are always talking about how there in abusive relationships or there man is cheating on them. ive been jumped by a group of people because i have stepped in and said something about it. My friens have low selfesteem but i bring them back up. i have low selfesteem also but i try not to show it infront of them. i have been hurt alot. my high school days wasnt good i was made fun of by people that didnt even have the right to be making fun of me because of my dark skin. girls have talked to me because im a gentalmen im nice i listen and i try to help how ever i can. im a trust worthy person i dont talk alot of crap i dont think im all that and end up using me for what i have i have 3 jobs so i make good money im always making money because if im making money it takes the stress away. the girl on your show that is loosing her hair is the type of person i would talk to because shes beautiful and the type thats not gonna lie to you. i cant stand it when people talk about people and make fun of them for something they cant control like i cant control that im dark i was born this way my skin is what it is im proud of it. i thought when i got out of high school it would be different but its not. i have another question tyra i want to konw why is the nice guy always wanted by girls but always looses. people tell me im one of a kind because i repsect women i dont put any pressure on them. i dont like going to strip clubs because i think what if my sister was up there i wouldnt aprove and its downgrading to women. so tyra please tell me why women perfer the jock and rich guys and lightskined guys before a guy who is exactly what they always clame they are looking for. whats that all about i mean im not a geek im athletic i make girls laugh and feel better about them self but i always end up last HELP ME UNDERSTAND PLEASE. its not only that, people have a certain image in there mind of dark black people for some reason that makes me sick