Katie: The Upside to the Downside of Being Single
Last week was the kind of week that made me wish I wasn’t single, glad I am single, hate being single, and then appreciate my singleness. Confused? So am I.
It all started with an earthquake. Only I was in mid-Missouri, not California. So begins the confusion. From that point on, things in my life got pretty shaky. (Pun very much intended.) You see, my life is best represented by something along the lines of the Himalayas - I’m either at the peak of Everest or hurling top speed off a cliff to the valley below.
Let me give you an example: What’s worse than attending the funeral of a family member? How about getting a call after the funeral that you’ll be losing your job upon your return to California? And what’s worse than attending a funeral and losing your job? Losing two jobs. True story. Needless to say, things are going well. Good thing I have a semester’s tuition due and gas is up to $4 per gallon.
So as I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling Monday night, trying to a) sort through what had happened and b) figure out what the hell I was going to do, I began to c) think about how bad it sucks being single in times like these. I thought about how nice it must be to have someone there to get you through the rough nights, and a broad, muscular but hairless shoulder to cry on. (Remember, even in times of need, I have a “type.”)
But maybe shoulders are overrated. As I lay there awake, I realized this is not the first time some crazy set of events has crashed into my life. And it most certainly will not be the last. And so far, I’ve been single through almost all of them. No one holding my hand, and no one is picking me up. But you know what? I’m still standing.
I honestly wouldn’t trade places with women engaged or married straight out of college. They never get the opportunity to experience the b***h that life can be in their early 20’s, the way I have… Alone. Now, I’m not claiming to live some terribly hard life… I have my health, I have my friends and family, and most days, I have my sanity. On the contrary, I’m claiming to live the typical life of a career-driven, risk taking 20-something. And being forced to deal with all of the kidney punches life decides to throw, on my own, has enabled me to get to know a pretty awesome person - Myself.
Truth is, I’ve made a lot of mistakes - both in life and in relationships. But I always come up with some sort of plan, that may or may not work, thereby giving way to new plans. I don’t necessarily believe that “everything happens for a reason,” mainly because I despise clichés. That said, I DO believe that we can give reason to everything that happens, (I do love motivational quips, though) and in doing so learn who we are and how we choose to live our lives.
I made a pact with myself my senior year of college that I would not get into another “real” relationship until I had a clearer view of what I wanted in both love and in life. I’m pretty sure I lit a candle or something. See, I realized very quickly that trying to figure out someone else when you don’t even have yourself figured out is an impossible task. But Monday night, laying awake in my humble apartment, with no job, no man and conveniently, no Internet connection, I didn’t shed a tear.
Because you know what? I think I finally know who I am.
Comments
It is good to be happy all the
time.so i wantyou to be happy.
Tyra,i love your show so iwant you to invite me to your show one day.
THANK YOU.
Posted by: stella | May 3, 2008 12:20 PM
you have a good idea but waiting for 30 years before marriage will not help you,because your guy out there will become old for your future kids.
Posted by: | April 30, 2008 5:16 AM
I want tyrashow to link me up with a lovely lady who is as serious as me looking for love.
Posted by: bernard | April 30, 2008 5:08 AM
This is what the world needs: writings that are true to Life; such as it is with its' ups and downs. Keep up your spirits and your writings.
Posted by: single | April 29, 2008 6:36 AM
Wow, you've really resonated with a lot of the ladies reading this blog. Keep it up--you're like the Oprah of single, young women.
I feel you, too. Whenever I need a broad, hairless shoulder, I have to just clutch my own. Not very comfortable and people stare at you on the bus.
Posted by: Capt. T.Smooth | April 28, 2008 1:48 PM
I LOVE this, I'm 30 and i have been single for entire year, and i love it, I'm really learning and loving me and it shows.. I look great, I'm not stressed out about anything. I go out on dates.. Of course, i want to get married and have children one day, but for now I'm going to enjoy being with ME!!!!
Posted by: Love | April 28, 2008 9:11 AM
i think being being single is a time best taken as reflection not only on our appearance but also on our inner being,a time to learn how to love and apprecite ourselves,go on gal n take tym in being single,you are gonna miss it someday.
Posted by: zippy | April 26, 2008 1:39 AM
Katie- This blog sure does put ones' life in proper prospective. You are so grown up and so talented, smart and all. Your last 2 weeks have certainly not been the greatest but like you said "You have your health, your friends and most of all - your family. Your life could be so much worse than it is and you are aware of that. It will get better and don't forget that sometimes you do need to lean on your loved ones (family - as they lean on you when needed. so keep that positive spirit and attitude: and most of all keep in touch. Love you
Posted by: gd | April 25, 2008 12:45 PM
hey my name is andrew and i did not know where to go and get help.i feel that this show is the only one that could help me.im 20 years old and i have a wife and a doughter that i cant take care of beacuse i have M.S. its a sickness in the brain. we cant get help or anyone to listen.the goverment wont help and ive been turned down for disibiality twice.i got a laywer and its going to take 18 to 24 mounts.i cant walk to well and i really have no memory.and that not all of my disibalitys.i feel bad for my family and not being able to work.will you please help us?
Posted by: andrew kilgore | April 25, 2008 12:37 PM
I LOVE this blog! So true so true! I get so tired of some of my friends who are in relationships just to be in the relationship, not because they actually love the person (or have talked themselves into thinking they do) but because they think deep down inside that they can't live life without that someone. So annoying! And I think all of us single ladies can appreciate what you are saying. Yes there are some days when you think that life can't get anymore glum than this and it would be so much easier to have someone to share the burden with, but at the end of the day it's your life and your burden and you will carry on fine in the end. And I love that more and more ladies are figuring all this out and that there is no need for a man in their lives because it's their life! My roommate said it perfectly one night, "I need a man like I need herpes!"
Posted by: Brooke | April 25, 2008 10:29 AM
Well versed, Katie. I hate the serial monogomists who have never had to endure anything alone - and I pity them because, one day they'll realize they've never done anything on their own and regret it. I blame a large percentage of divorces/terrible relationships on this.
Posted by: Tabitha | April 25, 2008 9:44 AM
I feel like I wrote this. It's exactly how I feel. As a 34 year old woman who's gone back to school to finish her BA in a new city, barely any friends, AND single, I get lonely & stressed. But, I'm now making friends and slowly making a life for myself and that is what is most important to me. I'm glad I'm single. I'm working on getting to know myself better and what I want and you are so right that you can't get to know someone else if you don't know yourself. Maybe love will find me when I'm ready for it to.
Posted by: Lisa | April 25, 2008 1:36 AM
I have qan invention that will make the world of people with disabilities happy to know that you care about us please email me so we can see if you can help with this medical invention
Posted by: shelia | April 24, 2008 7:48 PM
I totally agree.. you don't need a guy to be happy.. you should be totally content with yourself. And everyone needs some alone time to figure themselves out and what they want. Good way to put it Katie. And every girl or guy should realize this.
-Kirsti
Posted by: kirsti | April 24, 2008 7:15 PM
I am nineteen, and I've never had a real relationship (That's because none of the few relationships that I've had have been my, as you say, type)and I have no intention to enter into one soon, nor do I feel left out or lonely!
Now I'm in my freshman year of college and I've made a pact with myself to not even think about real relationships until I'm 30. I have a lot of things I want to accomplish in my life (personal and professional) and I see a man as a hindrance, or at least I've seen how it has been a hindrance to a lot of close friends!
I actually set the pact with myself because I was getting blinded by a guy I was really interested in and after he ended up being what a few people said he was, I looked back on the situation and thought how stupid was I, I ignored the advice of a good friend to stay away, and in the end he was nothing but a hindrance! I wasted so much time and effort him. :(
Stay single for as long as you can ladies!
Posted by: Alicia | April 24, 2008 7:12 PM