Elizabeth- Madame Ex
It's 7:30 on a Thursday night, and I'm tearing through my closet like a woman possessed. It's important that I look hot, but not like I'm trying. More like it just happened—magically. My goal? To look like the kind of girl your ex-boyfriend can't keep his hands off of.
I got an invite to meet The Graduate and his crew at a bar—not exactly a reason for fashion angst. But he just called again and dropped the kind of bomb that only super-dramatic girls with a death wish/love for bar fights like to hear: "I think my ex-girlfriend is going to be there."
And the freaking out commenced. Would she be hot? Would she cry? Would she splash her cocktail in my face? Would she and The Graduate lock eyes and fall madly in love once again?
At this point, all I knew is that she and The Graduate had been together for about a year and a half, they'd lived together, it turned sour and he now finds her heinous and unbearable.
Fast forward two hours. I spent the entire drive to the bar wondering what part of a girl's face is the best to slap—to inflict the most shock-and-awe pain so I can run away without getting my hair pulled—should The Ex start a cat fight.
Upon entering the bar, The Graduate introduced me to a whole slew of people. It was all just one long parade of names and faces. Then we got to a booth where The Graduate rattled off some more introductions that I couldn't follow.
Then he inexplicably bolted to the bathroom, so I sat down next to a girl. She and I crowded into our side of the booth and I made nice with her, ordered a round for The Graduate and me and got comfy.
I decided that I officially liked this girl. She was pretty, and she seemed smart—like someone I would want to be friends with. The Graduate returned from the bathroom and walked up to the booth as a look of sheer horror flooded his perfectly scruffy face. I'd never seen him so uncomfortable.
"You want to go sit somewhere else?" he asked.
"We can't," I said. "I'm waiting for the waitress to bring our drinks."
He reluctantly sat next to me as my newfound friend scooted in next to her boyfriend on the opposite end of the booth. I nestled up to The Graduate and tried to talk my way through the inexplicable awkwardness brewing at our table.
The second our drinks arrived, The Graduate tugged me away. So I looked at the girl, gave her my best apologetic smile and said, "Well, it was nice meeting you. I'm sure we'll stop back by later to talk more."
The Graduate led me to a table tucked away upstairs, and the first words out of his mouth were, "Damn, that was awkward."
"What was awkward?" I asked.
"You sitting at a table with my ex," he says. "I thought you knew. I just figured you were being amazingly mature."
My world starting spinning, tilt-a-whirl at the carnival style, and I was sick. I had just cozied up to The Ex. The worst part? I couldn’t find anything about her to hate. I liked her, and I could see why he liked her, too.
Comments
Elizabeth...can I call you Liz? I LOVE reading your blogs and I TOTALLY get your angle.
Keep sharing, it's what gets me through my work week!
Posted by: Anise | April 27, 2008 6:49 PM
Hey all, it's Elizabeth. Thanks for commenting. I do feel like I need to make one important clarification: To The Graduate's credit, he DID introduce me to The Ex by name (which I already knew going into the date, thanks to prior discussions about our slew of exes). So not realizing that it was her was entirely my fault.
I do this thing when I meet people: I don't listen to their names because I'm so caught up in making a good impression and/or feeling them out. Not exactly good manners, I know.
Had I actually listened for her name, I would've known. But it's for the best. It's hard to be mature and keep the catty girl at bay. Glad I didn't know it was her, in retrospect.
Posted by: Elizabeth | April 24, 2008 12:15 PM
Hey,
I agree with Dustin's comment.
Buut i would like to say that i am not a jealous Ex as i stated in my first comment!
.Rebecca.
Posted by: Rebecca | April 24, 2008 2:38 AM
The attitude? Where do you see attitude? And I reference all of you Elizabeth's prior blogs about this guy. She really seems to like him and you are all treating this like it is an unforgivable sin. Guys make mistakes and assumptions all the time and it seems like that's all he did. No harm, no foul. Leave the guy alone. You sound like the REAL jealous ex's to me.
Posted by: Dustin | April 23, 2008 7:57 PM
I have to say, The Graduate should be a little smarter. He could have diffused the whole situation by introducing you and having drinks. The most mature thing that could have been done was to face each other like adults and leave the attitude at home.
Posted by: Joshua | April 23, 2008 1:59 PM
So how would this have been different if you had known who you were talking to?
It's like that scene in "Die Hard" where John McClane runs into Hanz but Hanz pretends to be someone else. He even takes one of McClane's cigs. You were definitely John McClane, cool and collected. Good for you. McLane always wins.
It was a little unfair of The Grad to leave you there clueless. i mean I'm sure you probably have some pretty awesome exes who could be quite intimidating had the tables been turned.
Did you order the round of drinks because he's not old enough to?
Good luck Mrs. Robinson.
Posted by: mike | April 22, 2008 7:11 PM
I don't get why all us girls feel that way towards our Boyfriends Ex's.
I used to be the exact same way but then you come to a point where you realise he is sitting with me now and we are the two going home together not them two.
You have to tell yourself that she is his Ex for a reason, so why get jealous?
Has anyone ever had a boyfriend that was jealous of your Ex/Ex's..?
Because i have and thats when you realise that it is stupid and that they are Ex's for a reason. Jealousy is a horrible thing and i have been there and i have had my boyfriend be jealous of my Ex's and it is horrible because it ends up being something more than jealousy like it can end up where they don't trust you and that is horrible, they then have commitment issues and then basically that is the end of your realationship, all because of the little green monster.
Who wants to be known as the jealous Ex?
You should always be mature in a realationship and trust your boyfriend/girlfriend..because if you don't trust him/her for any reason then why are you with him/her. (?)
.Rebecca.
becky_parle@hotmail.com
Posted by: Rebecca | April 22, 2008 7:10 AM