As a single girl I’m not supposed to admit this, but I secretly love weddings. Free cake? Fancy dresses? Frisky grandpas? Yes, please!

Despite all my cynicism, I still harbor the hope that one day my friends and family will gather for a celebration of my own sacred union. Or a celebration of my hoping for the best while trying to hide a baby bump under my bouquet.

I know weddings can be daunting for single ladies. But you’ve got to look on the bright side – where else are you going to find so many cute men in suits shaking it on the dance floor (and not getting paid by the hour)? So I’ve developed a 10-point-plan for surviving wedding season.

You may wonder what qualifies me as a wedding expert. Have I ever been married? No. Have I ever been engaged? No. Have I ever actually touched a member of the male species? Only without his knowledge.

But I have attended approximately 47 weddings in the last two years, and I’m willing to share some tricks of the trade.

1. Who to Bring If by some miracle you get to bring a “plus one,” here are your options:

a) If you’re single – do not, under any circumstances, invite a boy. Bringing a guy friend to a wedding is like bringing an ice cream cone to Baskin Robbins.

b) If you’ve just started dating – do not, under any circumstances, invite the boy. If you think the romance of a wedding will inspire him to escalate your relationship, you’ve got the wrong escalator, sister. The only thing a wedding’s going to inspire in him is panic.

c) Still stuck on bringing that guy along? Envision yourself attempting the Chicken Dance in front of him. You’re welcome.

2. Single Rider. If the words “and guest” are conspicuously missing from your invite, resist the urge to resent the bride. Yes, you’re probably going to be seated between a four-year-old with gum in her hair and a 76-year-old with a hamster in her purse. But the bride just did you a huge favor. She’s throwing you into the wedding deep end – time to sink, swim or find out which groomsman knows mouth-to-mouth.

3. What to Wear. Think elegant. Think sophisticated. Do not think “If I wear this lycra mini skirt everyone will notice me!” Everyone notices Jenna Jameson’s lady parts, too.

4. Make an Entrance.

a) Walk with confidence.
b) Smile graciously.
c) Introduce yourself to the bartender.

5. Don’t Make Friends. If you’re flying solo, don’t desperately glom onto the first gorgeous guy you meet. Instead, desperately glom onto his kooky great uncle. You’ll look like a Good Samaritan in stilettos. And your prince charming will be charmed into rescuing you.

6. Three’s a Crowd. Everyone already coupled up at this wedding? I think not. Have you flirted with the DJ? The caterer-waiters? The men’s room attendant? Then you’re not really trying.

7. Try, Try Again. Just get rejected by the men’s room attendant? See Tip #4.

8. Get Toasty. The best man is often single and often makes an ass at of himself while toasting the newlyweds. Be sure to compliment him on his speech no matter how awkward it was. Give him the push-up bra treatment: pad his ego and see what how far it lifts you!

9. Know When To Walk Away. Don’t let your determination to find a date go too far. You don’t want to be the girl in the parking lot at 3:00 a.m. asking for numbers. Better to leave at a decent hour with your dignity and a piece of cake. And possibly that bartender.

10. Have Fun. Remember, weddings are parties! Vacation rules apply! Kiss the groom! Wait, don’t do that last one. Unless you think the marriage was a sham. In that case, why not plant a seed?

Okay ladies, now I want to hear your wedding tips and advice for single ladies at weddings? I will include my favorites in my next wedding column.