Carrie: A Single Day in the Single Life
7:00 am – Wake up to greet glorious day! Sun is shining, birds are singing, “Apple Bottom Jeans” is on radio!
7:15 am – Turn on laptop. Seven boring work emails, three notes from friends, one offer to enlarge penis. Zero emails from Amazing Boy I Like.
7:17 – Begin rationalizing. Amazing Boy is having super busy week at super important job and hasn’t had time to respond. Three days and 3.5 hours is totally acceptable time delay. Right?
7:20 am – Run in park. Sing “I’m a Survivor” at top of lungs. Avoid homeless woman and her vagina.
8:00 am – Check email. For professional reasons only.
8:10 am – Check email again. For penile enlargement reasons only.
8:30 am – Go to work. At my Very Important job where I’m too busy doing Very Important things to even think about Amazing Boy.
8:35 am – Wish Amazing Boy could see me in my smart girl work outfit and glasses.
8:36 am – Slap own face for above comment, which relates self-worth to both clothes and male attention.
10:00 am – Get assignment to write for new comedy show. Woo hoo! Validation!
10:05 am – Pat self on back. With Amazing Career on its way, who needs Amazing Boy?
10:30 am – Should I tell Amazing Boy my good news?
10:33 am – Slap own face again. Professional accomplishments do not require male approval.
10:35 am – Assure co-workers I am not in abusive relationship with myself.
1:00 pm – Consult sacred dating manual to see if lack of email means Amazing Boy is Just Not That Into Me.
3:05 pm – Read p. 23 of sacred dating manual: “He’s just not that into you if he’s not emailing/calling you. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want.”
3:15 pm – Locate nearest oil drum. Burn sacred dating manual.
4:30 pm – Call male friend David and ask his opinion on Amazing Boy email showdown.
David: Call him out.
Carrie: What do you mean?
David: Call him out for not answering you.
Carrie: You mean no games, just say what I’m thinking?
David: Yes, you’ve got to fire a shot over the bough.
Carrie: Are we on a battleship?
David: Aye aye, cap’n.
Carrie: Arrrggghh.
David: You’ve got to check for patterns in the relationship, sailor. You need a control and a variable.
Carrie: So this straight forward thing will work?
David: Definitely. Or it could backfire completely.
5:00 pm – Send email to Amazing Boy.
6:00 pm – Feel better that I took control.
6:01 pm – Freak out that I took control.
6:02 pm – Feel better.
6:03 pm – Freak out.
6:05 –pm – Vow to turn off computer, Blackberry and obsessive thoughts about Amazing Boy.
7:00 pm – Cook delicious, organic meal.
8:00 pm – Sigh. Wish Amazing Boy were here to taste my couscous.
8:05 pm – Clarify that I meant that in a literal way, not in a penis enlargement way.
10:00 pm – Turn on “Gossip Girl.” Drool over Chuck Bass. Honestly forget about Amazing Boy for the first time all day.
11:30 pm – Check email.
11:45 pm – Check email.
11:59 pm – Check email.
12:01 am – RECEIVE EMAIL FROM AMAZING BOY!! He is still amazing after all!
12:02 am – Begin obsessing about when/how to respond to Amazing Boy.
Comments
Actually I use to be in a relationship all the time and thought I needed that to be happy....I just could not be without; however, now, I am single for the first time since Elementary....yeap you heard me...elementary and it feels great. Basically, if you are confident in who you are and REALLY in tuned with yourself, you will be just as happy being single!
Posted by: marquita | April 22, 2008 10:05 PM
I agree with people who says you dont need a man to feel happy. You can be happy by yourself, having a man should only add to your happiness. The order of things for happiness: God should be first ya self second and everybody third! On a side note, I have heard that men come to women who seem like a catch! Someone who is in control (but not controlling) of their life. So women be glad first then the right man will want to come along!
Posted by: aj | April 21, 2008 1:47 PM
I can really relate to that experience, good going cap'n!
Posted by: Sara | April 21, 2008 9:14 AM
This is hysterical! Arrrgggg!! I remember those agonizing days so well!!! Oh, the torture!... I see a man dying to shower you with love, attention & e-mails in your future... perhaps not this one, but I believe that you will find a guy out there who has enough time for you, no matter how busy he is. :)
Posted by: foxidoxi | April 20, 2008 11:02 AM
Any boy who is "not that into you," Carrie, is not that amazing after all. YOU are AMAZING! If only I liked girls! I'D be that into you!
Posted by: Naomi | April 17, 2008 7:23 AM
Sound advice from a sound male roommate. I like the fact that this David guy gave it to you straight. Might have been hard, but at least it was straight.
Posted by: kemper | April 16, 2008 11:47 AM
The WORST is when you call the boy out and he lies. Once I was fed up with a guy's hardcore interest and then sudden lack of communication, so I called him and asked him directly about it. He played innocent and totally lied about what I learned later was the truth...he just wasn't interested in a relationship. AKA he just wasn't interested in me.
Lesson learned: Sometimes you have take take control and read a situation yourself. I know it's so hard to be objective with these things...but if he hasn't been calling/emailing you for what feels like too long, he probably doesn't feel about you the same way you feel about him. Which sucks! But would you want to be with a guy that wasn't head over heals for you? Come on girls, let's keep our standards up! (Heartbroken, I waited...and now I'm marrying the man of my dreams!)
Posted by: Lacy | April 16, 2008 11:27 AM
i have been single for 4 years now and i am somewhat happy with myself i have not had the tome to go out much because of work
Posted by: | April 16, 2008 10:16 AM
Don't be sad the single life is great I've been with someone for 5 years he broke up with me it's been 4 months and i'm finally starting to feel happy.I love getting attention without any strings, I'm enjoying the single life so much that I won't get with the guy even if he's a 10
and no I don't have sex at all. And the funny thing is I'M HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: kenya | April 16, 2008 9:22 AM
Way to make it happen, Cap'n!
Posted by: lindsay | April 16, 2008 9:09 AM
Too entertaining! Note to self: I should definitely stop reading these posts at work as it is increasingly difficult to stifle my laughter!
PS. How did "Amazing Boy"" respond to your assertion of "control"?
Posted by: Qiana | April 16, 2008 6:51 AM
Life would be much more amazing if you didn't think you needed an amazing boy or any boy for that matter.
Posted by: Deborah | April 16, 2008 3:26 AM