The Archetypes of Nefariousness, or, The Incomplete List of Unattractive Stereotypes Women Far Too Often Fit.

Typically women have no problem gossiping to their girls about the most pathetic stereotypical descriptions of men they’ve recently seen, i.e.: “The Player,” “The Artist Type” and, of course, “The Smugly Self-Satisfied Blogger.” So as a public service to you, the largely female audience of “The Tyra Banks Show,” I've taken the time to write up a list of equally pathetic stereotypes that females fit.

Stereotype #1: The “Savior,” a.k.a. The “Christ Figure”

Right off the bat we've got a type that any self-respecting girl should be offended by; yes, that's right, the “Queen of Suffering,” or “The Savior” if you will. There is no cause that is too desperate for this girl. By the grace of God she will try, with all of her might, to get you to: eat fewer animals, volunteer with her at -- insert pointless, stupid bleeding-heart cause or organization here, -- drink less (to help you focus on volunteering at said stupid bleeding heart cause), visit her parents to gloat about volunteering, and attend farmer's markets not so much, to “buy” produce but to be “seen” by her equally self-righteous friends. Also, she's probably dissatisfied with you for watching sports or, oh, wait! That's every girl. SNAP!

Stereotype #2: The “Trifling Party Girl”

Since I've been working at bars, a number of these girls have passed through the doors. The two main qualities that separate the Trifling Party Girl from other girls, are that she is always dressed like a strumpet and she's always on the arm of a new guy. My only advice (if you're not one of these types) is to never share a towel with her. And if you are one of these girls please, for the sake of public decency, whenever you’re in public, cross your legs. If Britney, Lindsey and Paris couldn’t pass off the crotch shot with style then neither can you.

Stereotype #3: The “Drunken Tease”

“I ain't sayin' she's a golddigger...”

This girl is alive, well and very drunk in every bar, in every major city in the United States. She's drunk, flirtatious and, unless you're a burn victim, will act like she wants to go home with you ‘til last call. Careful, gents, she's merely using your entirely “gentlemanly” notions of giving her undivided attention to milk every drink she can from your checking account. If you're this girl and you're reading this, please, hurry up and “accidentally” get impregnated by a millionaire and get yourself off the market.

Stereotype #4: The “Too Stupid to Know Better Girl”

Let's be real...I don’t care how much you shake it in my face if you can’t find your home state on a map. Brains really are sexy, so educate yourself and call us (men) in the morning.

Stereotype #5: The “Cougar”

A surprisingly awesome sub-section of womanhood, Cougars typically can be found out and about on weeknights prowling for eligible, handsome and vastly younger men (at least a decade!) The good news: cougars are fun! They'll do whatever they want and not have any qualms in the morning because, hey, they've got a career and a swank pad or trust fund to boost their self-esteem. Cougars should never be scorned unless, well, they get clingy, but still, they're pretty alright compared the rest of the women on this list.

Hope this helps and, as always, if you have any concerns about your own standing in this (albeit limited) List of Shame leave a comment and I'll try to get back to you.