QUESTION: I used to be really laid back with my boyfriends, but never got what I wanted out of my relationships. Recently I started nagging my man and all of a sudden he became much more loving and attentive. Do men really like to be nagged, even if they complain about it to their friends?
- Alicia

Bachelor #1 - According to the Mac dictionary: Nag 1 |nag| verb (nagged, nagging) [trans.] annoy or irritate (a person) with persistent faultfinding or continuous urging.

To answer this, we need to assume a few things that were not stated, but inferred. We can assume that the relationship that you didn’t “nag” in ended. You weren’t getting what you wanted out of the relationship, so we can also assume that you probably ended it. You were also concerned about your boyfriend complaining to his friends, so you might be very concerned with what other people think. Now, you say, you’re “bossing” your new man around. It’s tough to say for sure, but I would bet a six-month eHarmoney membership that you don’t necessarily “boss” your man, but you are more assertive about your needs because of the way you were treated in your previous relationship.

What you think is bossing and nagging is really just communicating things that you used to hold in. It’s entirely possible that your new man just likes being told what to do, and if that is the case, then go for it, girl. And if you find out he’s complaining to his friends, but he comes home to you and does what he’s told, then forget what you heard. He’s probably into it.

Being a boss or a nag may not be your most comfortable role, but at least it’s clear. There’s a difference between nagging and letting your man know how you feel. If it bothers you that he’s constantly complaining to his friends, let him know. Just remember that he can complain to his friends all he wants, but it won’t fix anything.

What really matters is what he says to you and what his actions are. If he’s complaining to his friends about something, just to tell you that he’s fine with everything, than he’s probably just whining to look like he has it so rough in front of his boys. The truth is, if he’s giving you what you want, despite what he says to his friends, then you’re probably doing the right thing.

So to answer your question, I would have to say no to the nagging and bossing, but yes to communicating clearly, even if he’s complaining about it.




Bachelor #2 - Well, I think nagging is a lot better than thinking your man can read your mind and expecting him to know what you want. But I think you can find a middle ground. Both people in the relationship should be able to be open about what they expect from one another. You should never have to reach a point where you’re nagging to get him to do something.

Have you heard from someone that your boyfriend complains about your nagging? From what you’ve said, it seems like he’s okay with it, and maybe doesn’t consider it nagging at all.

I’ve never met a guy who would complain to his friends about a nagging girlfriend and then go right back to her like everything’s okay. So, congratulations, you’ve found yourself a love slave.

I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say that most men don’t like nagging women or being bossed around. So, if it doesn’t work out with this guy don’t assume the next guy will take it as well as he did.

I have friends who have been in similar situations. It’s a common occurrence that men refer to as being “whipped.” Are you this guy’s first girlfriend? The first person he had sex with? The hottest girl he’s dated? In a whipped situation, the whipped guy doesn’t realize what’s going on, but his friends do. And believe me, they’re trying to open his eyes to it. For the guy, the sad thing is that it all becomes clear way too late—after the break up, when he’s left in that “what was I thinking” stupor.

It’s the same for men or women: If someone lets anyone boss them around, they probably have self-esteem issues. If a guy is letting you boss him around, he’s probably afraid that if he doesn’t do what you say, he’ll lose you and won’t be able to get anyone as good as you. Yeah, I know. “So, what’s the problem?” you ask. Like I said, I’ve had friends in similar situations, but I can’t think of any who are still there.

So, my advice: Chill out. Don’t be so bossy. You can still keep your man in check, but if you want to keep him, don’t be mean or aggressive in your requests. This advice, of course, does not apply to the bedroom.




Bachelor #3 - An interesting question, and before I answer it, I want to stress the fact that, in general, no one likes to be nagged too much. Not men, not women. Nagging always suggests disappointment or some lack of satisfaction on the part of the nagger. Nobody likes to feel like they're some kind of disappointment, thus, too much nagging can definitely lead the nagged to resent their partner.

With that caveat out of the way, it's important to recognize that there's always a proper ratio between nagging and physical attractiveness.

If you're a less-attractive male who is dating a good-looking girl who's definitely out of your league, than you'd better prepare for plenty of nagging and greet those laments with a smile! I suggest heavily investing in earplugs and some of those novelty eyeglasses with fake eyeballs painted over the lens, so you can sneak in a nap whilst the nagging drones on. Conversely, if you're an unattractive girl with a better-than-average looking fellow, get ready to whip up plenty of sandwiches and dole out lots of neck massages to keep your man happy and nag-free.

Superficialities aside, it's important to remember that a good relationship is always fostered by both parties making a concerted and mutual effort to bend and flex to the other’ whims, thus avoiding a situation where nagging becomes a daily part of your relationship.