QUESTION: Why are some guys really sweet when they’re alone with the girl who they like but then are jerks when they’re with their friends?
- Roxanne

Bachelor #1 - Men have a problem blowing ladies off in front of their friends. Don't ask why. Figure out what you're going to do about it.

The first step is to remain calm. If you panic, you will only create more problems. The best way to resolve the problem is to look at the situation with a clear head.

The next step is to call him out. If he is trying to show off in front of his friends, then repeat something back to him that he said earlier. Anything that will remind him that just because he is in front of his friends, doesn't mean that all the cute little things he was whispering to you have gone away. If he is going to be a jerk, hit him right back.

Another cruel trick (that I would never condone) is to do the same to him in front of your friends. This would probably work better if your friends were in on it. Figure out a way to get him alone with just you and some of your best girlfriends. Talk about him like he isn't there. It works best if you take some of the things he was doing to you and do them back to him.

Be sure to get the message across. Turning the tables will make him feel the same way as you, but unless you point it out to him, he may not realize what you've been up to. Explain to him in the clearest way possible that you do not like it when he acts this way. Understand that he isn't going to be all lovey dovey in front of his boys, but that doesn't give him the right to act like a caveman. By showing him how it feels, he will most likely mend his ways.

Hopefully, by reminding him that you can make him feel the same feelings he is making you feel, he should mend his ways.




Bachelor #2 - Why are some guys really sweet when they’re alone with the girl who they like but then are jerks when they’re with their friends?

It could be worse. I’ve seen too many girls put up with guys who are jerks to them when they’re alone and with his friends. It’s pretty safe to say that a guy is himself around his friends. So if he’s being sweet around you, you’re the one not getting the real guy. So yes, it could be worse but you should want better.

If a guy is pretending to be sweet it’s because he’s trying to get something out of you that he wouldn’t get if you saw the real him, and I’m not necessarily talking about sex. He could be just trying to stay in the relationship. Maybe you’re too good for him and he knows that the only way to keep you from leaving him is to put on an act. Remember when you were a kid and you wanted something from your parents? What did you do? You made sure you were well behaved until you got what you wanted, but the second you got it you ran right back outside and went back to being the real you with your friends.

Yes, I’m saying what you already know: Men are all just big kids. We (men) knew our friends before we met you and they accept us for who we are, so we don’t have to put on an act with them. We also know that if we stay the same with our friends while we’re in a relationship, they’ll still be there for us if the relationship ends.

This does not mean that you should accept this jerk for who he is. It means that you should not put up with his crap and teach him that it’s not enough to only be sweet when no one is around. If the guy wants to be a jerk at any time, let him be a single jerk.

I’m not the sweetest guy on the planet, but I’m the same guy when I’m with my friends or a when I’m alone with a girl. No relationship will work if anyone is pretending to be someone they’re not.




Bachelor #3 - I'm not sure, but, I think men are different from women. Guys love: talking about sports, eating fried foods, fart jokes and making fun of each other. Women, on the other hand, tend to enjoy: discussing their feelings/complaining about men acting differently around their guy friends, eating chocolate, making fun of women who have been socially ostracized from their social clique and, seemingly, the repression of all bodily functions.

Yes, it's really that simple. Try talking to your guy about, “Hey, when I'm around can you not act like quite-such-a-huge jerk?” He doesn't have to listen, but if he's a decent guy he'll at least make a concerted effort to bring up The Plague and it's allusions towards the Nazi occupation of France during World War II, well, maybe not that; but, yes, a decent guy will try to keep the snide remarks and or insensitive behavior towards you to a minimum. In return you should probably offer him a rewards system like “getting to hang out exclusively with the guys for a night.” Hope that helps.