Malena: Come On Guys!
It's spring and I'm on a mission to instruct men how to satisfy a woman, but when I say satisfy I mean SATISFY... like for real.
Unless men get their acts together, more and more heterosexual women are going to figure out what they like alone or not at all. And in time, women will cut men out of the picture, figuring that dating without sexual fulfillment only amounts to a heavy-handed friendship full of all the possession and surveillance we just won't stand for these days.
So urgently, last Saturday I held court with two guys. It was 4 a.m. inside a diner and one of them asked me, "You like it hard?" And he wasn’t talking about my eggs.
If you want to make a woman scream like a wild Appalachian wolf, I say, she must be acutely and emotionally excited and there must be the focus of purposeful pressure on certain body parts.
But the men don’t look thankful, instead they look disappointed, like they just realized something awful. Perhaps many of the women they've loved were faking it? One even snaps back, "That's just not true, a woman can orgasm like that..." 1, 2, Kaboom!
I hang my head in the worse kind of pity.
And right then, it became so clear. I can't preach alone; We young women need to launch a full-fledged movement—a live, in-your-face campaign combining the confrontational theatrics of the Vagina Monologues with the caring and academic antics of age-old sex therapist Dr. Ruth.
Or will we resort to these self-forfeiting, Oscar-worthy theatrics to accommodate the new myth that women can get the job done as quick as men, especially when we're too embarrassed to say, "Sorry, but can you hold it right there…and for another 15 minutes!?"
Women who cross the finish line under 60 seconds are an exception, not the rule.
For the rest of us, good sex requires nothing short of a circus--and in order of importance-- mind-tickling conversation, a glimpse (no matter how illusory) that the relationship is headed for the moon, and lastly, pure, fire-breathing passion!
Only then can a woman fully receive and lend strong meaning to a lover's touch that then express-wires the great news to her body.
While today's woman is as independent as anyone else, even a self-made dame can't reach her best without a helping and loving partner.
Call me old school, but a woman still needs a man to reach her full potential.
Comments
Amanda! You said it right!
Men can not just treat us like "smaller men." So so right...
thanks for your comments,
Malena
Posted by: Malena | April 2, 2008 10:17 AM
hey tyra you should hit me up on my cell phone 859 620 0574
Posted by: jonathan | April 1, 2008 4:10 PM
This is so true. I believe that men think it is easy to satisfy a woman. I am 27 and I have tried everything to get many men to understand my body and my mind. I know exactly what to do to them to get them "there", but they assume they now everything and then some to get me there and back. i try to explain that is more mental for me than anything. That even before we get into the bedroom I need to enjoy your company at places like ....Target or asking me if I need something from the kitchen or wiping my face when something is on it or kissing me on my forehead. I need all of that in order get "there" later. I want to know the man that told all the other men that harder and faster is all women want, because sometimes that is called for, but sometime you barely have to move and it can be amazing. I dont know what men are thinking, but you know being an african american young single women I tried giving all of my confidence in men of my same race, but Girl let me tell you Latin/Histanic men are different, more gentle, more affectionate, so I think that it can vary from man to man as well as race to race. I dont know you ladies let me know what you think.....
Posted by: LATOYIA | March 31, 2008 4:05 AM
Amanda sounded normal. I cant relate wit her being hetero. U solve problems not make them complicated. There's more 2 S than emotion driven- more powerful than that. God gave us d manual 2 a life of peace. Its negative & positive that giv result. Same Sex x a negation, a distortion & a pervertion. God made us male & female 2 lov, procreate find solutions 2 life misteries. Not create problems. Thank Allaah 4 making me an african wit respect 4 real values & candid solutions. Tyra should seek d african xp 2.
Posted by: Mikail | March 30, 2008 12:31 AM
Now Malena, some feminists (most likely lesbian feminists) would call you crazy and for good reason. They would just tell you to find another woman and that is the solution to your problems. However, for straight women it's not that simple. Men and even some women don't understand the female's anatomy which leads men to "freestyle" what they think will make their women hot and get their juices flowing. Your old fashioned quote sounds like something Freud would say and we all know how he felt about women. I feel that it is nice to have a partner to express their sexual feelings and desires but it is cheating women to tell them that they need a man, when most women just take care of business themselves and are done with it. As a straight woman myself, I understand the plight of us heteros, but men need to make a valiant effort on trying to please us and understand how we work and not treat us like "smaller men." Only then, will sex be more enjoyable for both women and men.
Posted by: Amanda | March 29, 2008 1:16 PM
Hey Malena,
I just saw you on Tyra Banks Show (via youtube) & I have to say I'm going through the same thing. I found the joys of sex later but I love it! Yet relationships haven't been good so I'm stop seeing certain man & going celibate (?i'm a bad speller) for a year or more. Than maybe when I'm in a relationship for 6months at least! I read your last 3 blogs: KEEP BUSY, is key, so your mind & hands aren't idle for thinking about what you want to think about;) Also excersize for endorphins & than when you have to: there's always a vibrator. It's not a man but it's emotionally alot least tricky.
Well let's all. Just wanted to give you a shout-out & that there's other women out there going through the same thing you are. Keep fighting the battle!
Posted by: ActionJackson | March 29, 2008 10:53 AM
hey tya it's me again im worried if you did not my message but i was hoping may you please sponsor me. PPPLEEEAAASSSEEE and TTHHAANNKKYYOOUU
Posted by: antanett willaims | March 29, 2008 10:09 AM
tyra i need help
i think i have inverted or flat nipples.. but when it gets cold they are like a normal breast should be.. wat tips do you have for me im too embarassed to tell ma mom or a doctor. its just weird and sometimes i feel disgusted
Posted by: vicky | March 28, 2008 10:15 PM
Ahhh! what? Ok your boring me!
Posted by: Fred | March 28, 2008 7:34 PM