Same Sex In the City
Lauren Blitzer, co-author of “Same Sex In the City,” offers this guide for the newly out and the merely curious.
Path to Self-Realization
• Free your mind and the gay will follow: Don’t be afraid of your desires. Better to come to terms with who you are and be comfortable in your own skin at a younger age. That way when you get older all you have to worry about is careers and money.
• Don’t isolate, communicate: Bisexual, gay, queer, or whichever label you choose or choose not to take, we want you to talk about it.
• Hello, I’ll be your tour guide: the older, wiser lesbian: For any woman who is questioning her sexuality, finding a mentor is a really good way to help advance her personal development. In other words you are not alone!
Coming Out
• Take some me time: Many women spend a lot of time fearing other people’s responses to their homosexuality when they come out. Instead of letting thoughts of rejection consume you, spend time getting to know yourself. This will make you stronger, more confidant, and accepting of yourself.
• Friends and family: When the time has come to address family, friends, and the rest of society, say it like you mean it because you do. Be prepared for anything and try your best to tell people face to face, out of respect for yourself and also for your loved ones.
• Aftermath: Your friends and family should accept that being gay is just one part of who you are. But don’t forget how long it took you to figure this out, and understand that it may take some people longer to embrace you revelation.
• It’s not all about sex: When you come out, you may feel like people are visualizing you having sex with another girl - and they might be. Coming out and sharing your sexual identity will evoke sexual thoughts; that’s just the reality of the situation.
• It’s not set in stone: Just think of making any new commitment in your life; be it moving to a new city starting a new job, or getting involved in a new relationship, these things take up major mental and emotional energy.
• Celebrate good times: As relived and excited as you may feel, there is sure to be some precariousness about taking this new step. If you’re a beginner to the gay scene, you may feel a lot of self-doubt; if you’re an old pro coming out late in the game, it may be easier to adapt to a queer lifestyle. Don’t forget that coming out should be a celebration of who you are.
Your Future As A Gay Woman
• Can you tell me the one about you meeting mommy again, mommy? Unfortunately when kids are growing up, there are no gay fairy tales for them to read. So kids are taught that you must meet prince charming, marry him, and carry his children.
• Knowledge is power: The first thing you can do is talk about it.
• Fight for your rights, be active: Find a local group to get involved with. Since many of the gains for gays and lesbians will take place on the local and state levels, find out what groups in your area are working for gay and lesbian rights.
• Patience is a virtue: Just remember, social change takes time and effort. Think of the fight for women to get the right to vote.
• All you need is love: About those kids you’ve always dreamed of having: Research has proven that children raised in same-sex households are normal, well adjusted, and no more apt to become gay than children raised in heterosexual households.
To get a copy of, "Same Sex In the City," visit www.amazon.com
colonel heartbeat,revolutionized lawful,fondness cortical
Posted by: | March 11, 2008 8:39 PM
me an my 10 year old love u also i just gave birth to a5month old daugther first one name asia second one named germany! tyra when will you give birth you will have top models!!!
Posted by: jocelyn | November 21, 2007 11:28 AM
I am 18 I came out to my mom when I was 14. She was ok with it.I've been with girls befor I told my mom but now Ive been with a woman for 2years. We both want children many people dont think its right for a child to grow up with 2 mommys or daddys but its how we want to live out life. People shouldnt juge people on what they like and who they love you cant help who you fall in love with.I live in Bridgeport,Ct and people here are very judgemental.People have came up to me and my girlfriend and yelled at us many times it a part of beein lesbain or gay even bi..No matter what there is always going to be someone there to juge you and look down on you.
Posted by: Lorie | November 8, 2007 5:18 PM
hello T
how are u doing today i hope bythe graces of God uare well .plz im boy from Ghana and im age of 22yrs .tyra ur show is very importan to me always babe try talk more about sex felling and gay so that it can change people . and im seeking for any black woman or white woman in love from age of 20 to 30 place get me one ........and u can give my email out with any one is there i ill wacth ur show today GOD bless u babe take care ...........
Posted by: KOFI | October 10, 2007 6:35 AM
hello..this show is real not ajust a simple talk show but it helps a lot of people..i'm looking for a friend who is a gay.i'm a bi .. if your interested e mail me at shalmar_5678@yahoo.com.ph..thnks.. shalmar
Posted by: shalmar | October 4, 2007 12:52 AM
hello i just want to say that the tyra banks show is the best show i've ever seen. It helps a lot of people and i hope this will never end..I'm a bi and looking for a friend who is a gay also ..if your interested email me (shalmar_5678@yahoo.com.ph)..thanks
from shalmar
Posted by: shalmar | October 4, 2007 12:41 AM
I would love to see more shows about lesbian/gay couples; more so about lesbian relationships. Also, what about a segment on "femme/stud" fashion. I haven't seen this on The Ellen Show.
Posted by: Cicsley | September 17, 2007 12:18 PM
Hi Tyra, I am a lesbian of color. I watched your show that aired on 9/13/2007, about the two young women who is living in a abusive relationship. It is true that abuse is in the gay and lesbian community. I myself has been a lesbian all my life. When I was comming up it was a very hard life and not as open or except as it is today. I am grateful that I have lived long enough to see the change. I hope and pray that things will continue to go forward with the excepts of same sex relationships. And one day that we will have the same rights that a man and woman has. Even as I speak times are changing. I just want you to know that I really enjoyed your show. I also want to thank you for being so open minded and sharing our life style to the world. It greatly appreciate on my part. I am alot older then the women that you showed on your show. So maybe in the near future you will have a show with older gay and lesbians so they can share how hard and different things were back in the 50's and 60's. Thank you once again for sharing our live style. You have a bless day.
Posted by: Barbara | September 14, 2007 8:19 AM
realm rustled acoustics.reveres savings gilded
Posted by: | September 7, 2007 9:12 PM
Hi Tyra!!
I'm 17 & I guess I am in the catagory of being a bi-sexual. In high school it's easy living because we have a full LGBT Community at the school but anywhere else, thats another story. Just a short few months ago I came out to my family & they didn't take it so well & still they don't like it. Now they take me as an even bigger joke than they already did. It hurts to know that people aren't as open-minded as they think they are & it hurts even more to know that your family doesn't support you the way they should.
Posted by: Shanice | September 3, 2007 10:35 AM
I'M GAY ,AND I LIKE WHAT I AM, BUT THEIR IS ONE PERSON THAT DON'T ,AND THAT IS MY MOTHER.I FEEL SHE HATE ME ,AND SHE HATES THE FACT I'M GAY.
Posted by: Torielle | August 22, 2007 9:18 AM
Hi I saw your show with the three sisters the other day and I do think that is how they are thinking and that is fine. but i also think that they should never go around telling people that they are going to go to hell becuaues they like someone of the same sex. i belive in god and and every thing and yes it does say that it is wrong but it also says if you belivie in me that you will be forgeive and one person can not change who they like. it is the way you are made. you can not change that one bit. no one should have to change the way they are or how they want to live. i will say this i have not been to church in about 2-3 years but i love god and i still pray to him and talk to him and i have tons of gay friends and hell i have kissed some of my girlfriends before but i am not bi or any thing it is called life get over it you can not change who you are and who another person is but yes some may think that if you like someone of the same sex you will go to hell but i think that everone needs to love every one for who they are and not what they do or what they look like becuse if god can why cant we and all we are doing when we hurt others is hurting our self and others and god.
Posted by: Sam | August 10, 2007 12:47 PM
hi tyara..
I am a 16 year old livin in the Caribbean...Antigua to be exact.. an bein bi sexual and gay in the caribbean community is not easy.. Just walkin down the road holdin my girl friend's hands people approach us an slap us in the face.. When u go the police authorities they just ignore.. It is as hard being a gay girl as a gay ma... They struggle more than we do.. Society looks on us like if being gay is a disease... In an incident recently this gay man was beaten severely an pistol whipped by police officails an then thrown out the hospital... For what? Just cause u are gay... It husrts me to know that no1 can truly know who or what i am cause i feel real lonely.. the only person i feel for is my girl friend an we cant be together like how we want to cause is at stake... I watch ur show every night at 11 cause thats when i get a chance to watch it an this show was truly enlightennin to me..
i am truly a dera fan...
CONFUSED AND ALONE
Posted by: confused an alone | August 9, 2007 10:08 AM
Hey Tyra
I already posted this some where else because I didnt see this I'm sorry. But I was holping maybe you could do a segment on young gay teens like myself. In todays society many gay men are coming out in highschool I'm only 16 but I can out when I was 14 and honestly it was the best thing that I could have done it made my life easier in some ways but harder in others. I wont go on but I was holping maybe you could do part of a show on that. Thankyou so much I truely look up to you.
-Joshua LeBlanc
Posted by: Josh | August 9, 2007 12:15 AM
Well...I am a 17 year old bisexual female. Some people says that I am confused, but I do not seem to think so. People say that I'm going to hell, I don' think I'm going there either. I believe in God, and I believe he is forgiving. I ask for forgiveness everyday. When I was younger I used to tell myself that I was not gay or Bi or any of that, but now that I am a teenager I accept what God has made me to be. People tend to judge me a lot, but what they fail to realize is only God can judge me. People tell me that I am sinning and I say so are y'all...if you are having sex before marriage, you are sinning, if you lie, you are sinning, and the list goes on. That's when they tell me that being gay is a bigger sin then all the other which is FALSE...all sins are equal.
Posted by: Natashia | August 8, 2007 2:22 PM
Hey Tyra, and Other Fans!
I am living in Canada, the Tyra show aired recently but I do have to say I am a big fan of the show, while I am at home doing my house work I make sure I leave the folding of the laundry and the living room for around 2ish so I can make sure I am in there and watching the show!
I am 19 years old, I am a gay male. I have been out for just over 3years now, I think everyones opinions should be respect dispite the differences. When religion is coming in to play it's more or less preaching won't change us of who we are, We're this way cause when we were born GOD himself decided that 1 out of 10 children that will be born will be Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgendered.
I love myself for being who I am I even got a pride tattoo on my lower back which I just love to show people. I do count myself to be fairly flamboyant.... well I guess I have proven that (male watching the tyra show) lol but that don't matter. The thing that matters to me is that no ones coming out is easy, Honestly I have never heard a story where someones parents jumped up in down being thrilled about it. It's ok though their just in shock don't mean they don't love you any less. When I came out when I was 16(3 years ago) it was hard I was dating a girl I told her and broke it off she became very homophobic so you can imagine how fast it got around this small town I live in. For the further most my intentions wasnt to hurt her it was to help me, I've known I was gay since I was 12 I just thought It was possible to change and I wouldnt have to come out. But When they did happen my family was devestated my mothers exact words were "It's easier to accept other people for being gay but I wont accept mine" after she said that I went 'Ouch' I remember crying and crying and when I told my father you could tell his opinion of me was changing just by looking at him, we was let down and disappointed, but I wasnt going to let it get me down, I started researching it and becoming a part of the public eye, and now I am pretty sure everyone knows about me. but it dont matter! I may be young I am with my partner whom I love dearly and hope we'll grow old together!
Posted by: Justin | August 7, 2007 2:35 PM
hey tyra,
i am 14 years old and i am so confused i am gay and i know my family would not approve.
like just the other day i asked my mom what she would do if one of her kids were gay and she said she would disown them.if only she knew how sad and mad that made me. i know she would never understand and because of that i am sayd all the time i have had thoughts of killing myself so many time and i have tried it once. my friend took me to the hospital. and keeping this inside me is killing me literally.
the confused teen
tayleb
Posted by: tayleb | August 7, 2007 1:51 PM
OK I AM CHRISTIAN AND I DONT BELEIVE THAT HOMOSEXUALITY IS RIGHT/ TRANS GENDER. I SAW YOUR EPISOD AND YOU HAD THE PHELPS FAMILY ON. AND SOME OF THE COMMENTS THEY WERE MAKING I AGREE WITH AND SOME I STRONGLY DISAGREE WITH. IT IS TRUE GOD HATES HOMOSEXUALITY. GOD DOESNT HATE THE PERSON HE HATES THE SIN. AND IT SAYS IT CLEARLY IN THE BIBLE. NOW AS A CHRISTIAN WE ARE CALLED TO GO OUT TO ALL THE NATION AND PREACH THE GOSPEL. NOW THE LORD DOES NOT DESIRE ANY ONE TO PARISH (MEANING GO TO HELL), BUT IF YOU CHOOSE TO REJECT GOD AND HIS COMMANDMENTS THAT IS WHERE YOU GO. BUT ULTIMATLY IT IS YOUR CHOICE, HE HAS GIVEN YOU THE OPPRITUNNITY TO ACCEPT HIM BUT IT IS YOUR CHOICE TO RECIEVE HIM. NOW AS A CHRISTIAN WE CALLED TO LOVE EVERYONE AND THAT IS ONE THING THE PHELPS FAMILY WAS MISSING WAS THE LOVE, I THINK, BUT I CANT JUDGE THE HEART MAYBE THEY WERE DOING IT WITH LOVE, BUT IT DIDNT SEEM THAT WAY. AS FOR TRANSGENDER SAYING " I THINK I AM IN A WRONG BODY" IS LIKE SAYING I THINK GOD MADE A MISTAKE. GOD IS A PERFECT AND HE DOESNT MAKE ANY MISTAKES. GOD MADE PEOPLE THEIR GENDER FOR A REASON, HE DIDNT MAKE A MISTAKE, I AM SURE GOD KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING, I MEAN IF GOD COULD CREATE THE WHOLE WORLD I AM SURE HE CANT MAKE MISTAKE ON YOU. GOD DOESNT SAY OOPS I MEANT THIS CHILD TO BE A BOY BUT INSTEAD I MADE THE CHILD A GIRL, OH WELL. GOD IS NOT LIKE THAT. ANYWAY I FELT THAT HAD TO REALLY VOICE THIS NOT TO CONDEM ANYONE BUT SO THEY KNOW THE TRUTH. JESUS LOVES YOU AND SO DO I!!!!!!!!
Posted by: | August 6, 2007 3:51 PM