Lauren Blitzer, co-author of “Same Sex In the City,” offers this guide for the newly out and the merely curious.

Path to Self-Realization
• Free your mind and the gay will follow: Don’t be afraid of your desires. Better to come to terms with who you are and be comfortable in your own skin at a younger age. That way when you get older all you have to worry about is careers and money.
• Don’t isolate, communicate: Bisexual, gay, queer, or whichever label you choose or choose not to take, we want you to talk about it.
• Hello, I’ll be your tour guide: the older, wiser lesbian: For any woman who is questioning her sexuality, finding a mentor is a really good way to help advance her personal development. In other words you are not alone!

Coming Out
• Take some me time: Many women spend a lot of time fearing other people’s responses to their homosexuality when they come out. Instead of letting thoughts of rejection consume you, spend time getting to know yourself. This will make you stronger, more confidant, and accepting of yourself.
• Friends and family: When the time has come to address family, friends, and the rest of society, say it like you mean it because you do. Be prepared for anything and try your best to tell people face to face, out of respect for yourself and also for your loved ones.
• Aftermath: Your friends and family should accept that being gay is just one part of who you are. But don’t forget how long it took you to figure this out, and understand that it may take some people longer to embrace you revelation.
• It’s not all about sex: When you come out, you may feel like people are visualizing you having sex with another girl - and they might be. Coming out and sharing your sexual identity will evoke sexual thoughts; that’s just the reality of the situation.
• It’s not set in stone: Just think of making any new commitment in your life; be it moving to a new city starting a new job, or getting involved in a new relationship, these things take up major mental and emotional energy.
• Celebrate good times: As relived and excited as you may feel, there is sure to be some precariousness about taking this new step. If you’re a beginner to the gay scene, you may feel a lot of self-doubt; if you’re an old pro coming out late in the game, it may be easier to adapt to a queer lifestyle. Don’t forget that coming out should be a celebration of who you are.

Your Future As A Gay Woman
• Can you tell me the one about you meeting mommy again, mommy? Unfortunately when kids are growing up, there are no gay fairy tales for them to read. So kids are taught that you must meet prince charming, marry him, and carry his children.
• Knowledge is power: The first thing you can do is talk about it.
• Fight for your rights, be active: Find a local group to get involved with. Since many of the gains for gays and lesbians will take place on the local and state levels, find out what groups in your area are working for gay and lesbian rights.
• Patience is a virtue: Just remember, social change takes time and effort. Think of the fight for women to get the right to vote.
• All you need is love: About those kids you’ve always dreamed of having: Research has proven that children raised in same-sex households are normal, well adjusted, and no more apt to become gay than children raised in heterosexual households.

To get a copy of, "Same Sex In the City," visit www.amazon.com