How to Help A Friend with An Eating Disorder

Jessica
Jessica Weiner, motivational speaker and author of, “Do I Look Fat In This?” offers advice for helping a friend who may suffer with an eating disorder. The best way to help is to realize that eating disorders are not about food, fat or weight. They are about emotions, experiences, and feelings. Deep feelings. Intense emotions. And many of those feelings and emotions may not make sense to an outsider - so it is important to practice compassion and ACTION.

Eating disorders are a SERIOUS mental health issue that can be treated. You have to look for warning signs:

• Withdrawn from others.
• Focus on food, exercise, weight, and/or calories.
• Compulsive behavior, isolation, or moodiness.
• A drastic drop or rise in weight. (allthough you can't always tell just by looking on the outside whether someone is sick)

If your friend suffers with an eating disorder, take action immediately. Call a professional, go to www.nationaleatingdisorders.org, talk to a teacher, counselor or parent. Speak up and don't be afraid if your friend or loved one gets mad at you. This is a disease that kills. Also, as a friend, walk your talk. Make sure you are taking care of yourself and not putting yourself down or becoming pre-occupied with your own weight or body. You must lead by a loving example. And friends and loved ones don't have to do it alone. There is help out there for families and those suffering.

Also, remember that eating disorders are not 'logical,' and they are not cured by just telling someone to 'eat' or to 'love themselves.' Eating Disorders are treatable through recovery programs such as in patient hospitals, out-patient programs, support groups, and individual therapy. There are many different kinds of treatment and everyone deserves to find the path that works for them. Recovery is like taking 10 steps forward and 5 steps back every day. It isn't quick. It isn't easy. But it is worth it.

For more information on Jessica Weiner, and body image issues, visit www.jessicaweiner.com

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HI TYRA,
I know you get many other messages of girls with eating disorders,and you may not get to read this but its worth a shot.My names Cheyanne Young and I am 14 years old and I have been dealing with anorexia nervosa for two years now and it has completely stripped me of my once happy life.I used to b an energetic,loving girl, and now I am nothing but ED. It all started with a simple nutrition assignment and spiraled into something far worse.I have always been really self conscious of my body, at the time being 5ft 3in and wieghing 115lb and I saw this as the time for me to lose wieght.So I officially started my diet when I got to my grandmas.I would not eat meat,sweets,dairy,or breads and I counted every calorie that entered my mouth.Plus I would exercise excessively and get books about losing wieght.I also began cooking for my relatives but not eating any of it, and it soon turned into going days without eating.It turned real bad very quickly.I began blacking out and had no energy,but I(ED) liked the feeling. By the time I leftthree weeks later I had dropped 16lbs and wieghed 99lbs.My parents were shocked of my appearence and they immediately set up a doctors appointment.That was when I was first sent to the hospital at 85lb.After being released it just got worse and I was sent back to more times.My parents knew I needed some serious help so they sent me to The Center for Discovery in CA.(at the time we had great insurance that covered the whole stay) but I was not willing to accept the treatment when I went,so I got no better there.Things just got even worse. I now will do anything not to eat.I've hid food anywhere you can think of have stored it in my mouth and spit it after I was done,hid it on my body,and in my underwear(i'm sorry).I have also verbally abused my mom with every name in the book because I feel she is evil for giving me food.Plus I have thrown food everywhere, screamed, and had fits. Plus whenever I get mad I yank my hair out, scratch my arms, and have even cut myself a few times.I used to have a great relationship with my parents and now I have no relationship with them at all.I only have the relationship with my eating disorder.Now all I do is look at myself in the mirror and want to die.I see a fat,ugly girl who does not deserve life or happiness.I dont see the frail, 78lb body that everyone else see.I know know that going back to The Center for Discovery is my last chance at getting my life back but my family doesnt have the money for our insurance was switched and they will only cover 80% which leaves us $13,500 dollars short and I was wondering if you could answer my prayers and give me the money so I can go and get the help I need.I feel really guilty asking for it but I just want to get better, but that will not happen at home.I do not want to be another anorexia statistic.I want to return to my old self and want my family to want to be around me.This is not only ruining my life but it is ruining there's,and they dont deserve that.So please Tyra,HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!, be my angel and send me the money I need to get help.God bless you for helping all you have and I hope you can help me.You are a true miracle worker of god.

Love,
Cheyanne Young

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Hey Tyra,
I don't think that i have an eating disorder but sometimes it's in my head and it really scares me. Im 16 years old and weigh about 122right now, i have recently dropped about 55 pounds. I used to be about 185. I lost all this weight in about 4 months. I'm gonna be honest here sometimes when i look on the mirror i think i look OK, but then other times i think i look gross and i start to cry because i think to myself why do i have to look like that. I have two other sisters and their both really skinny and i always ask myself why did i have to be the fat one. Im looking to lose about 21 more pounds because i eventually want to be at 105. It's really tough though because people at school claim that im anorexic or bulimic. I always tell them im just eating healthier and exercising but they don't believe me because i have dropped so much weight so fast i look completely different. I used to consistently exercise everyday for about an 1hour 15min, but lately i've stopped but i don't really care bacause im still losing weight. It's not that i don't want to it's just ive been to tired to lately. Anyways i just wanted to ask if you think that i have a disorder because of how fast i lost this weight and if u think that 105 is extreme for me because of how i used to be (at 185). I'm really petite though in size that's why im wondering if 105 is appropiate. My mom took me to the doctor a while ago because my hair started falling out and she was scared, but my doctor really pissed me off because she kept reffering to me being sick. She didn't tell me that but i could tell it's what she meant. Anyways hope to be at 105 really quick. I love you and your show, and i think it's amzing that you help people.

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Hi Tyra,
My sister is in danger with anorexia, but the family can not help her. Her parents are financially assisting her with her Arts Degree in university and is getting top marks. She's been in acting/modeling for eight years.
I would like to arrange for her to meet you ASAP. Maybe you could save her.
We fear her death. She is too young, but old enough to fight family members who wish to help.
If this request is not possible, please advise us of a solution ASAP, please.

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hello tyra,
i must say that this so hard for me to ask,but i have a 24 year old neice,
who will not live to see 25
years old if we can't find some type of medical help for here.typa she 410 lb.
please help us, she stays in good sprit,she can't walk to the car without being tired.she can't stand long at all,i love my neice but we are begging for your help.

dear tyra i feel like im picking up an bad habit with my eating im starting to throw up my food now and i know its bad but i feel like im this big huge monster whos getting fater and fater i weigh 130 and im 15 but i just cant be happy with my body and everybody says im fine but i dont feel fine i feel fat.i just want to take a knife and chop off all the parts i dont like. i feel like im going crazy over my body.

Tyra, I am really glad that you are bringing attention to eating disorders of all shapes and sizes. There is often a misconception that you must be super skinny to be sick but that's really not the case. I am 22 years old and have been battling anorexia both restricting and purging type for years. I honestly can not remember a day that I was truly happy anymore. Eating disorders are silent killers. They slowly take away everything that matters to you. They also make it so that you won't take any advice from the people that care. The eating disorder convinces you that it's the only one who cares about you (a lie of course). I have been inpatient 3 times and everytime I come out I think it'll be better, different this time and then I end up like I am five foot 3 and about 82 lbs. It's not fun.... it's not glamorous.. I dont feel beautiful. I haven't felt good about myself since before this all started. I think what makes it difficult is that insurances don't want to cover treatment. For me, I am at the end of my rope. Insurance won't help and I have no money to cover what I need. I don't think the public realizes the dangers and consequences. I have spent virtually every holiday in a hospital. Even my 22nd bday was spent out in arizona at Remuda Ranch. I just wish there was more help out there for women to get the treatment they need without having to sell organs.

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Hi Tyra,
I am not sure if you will get the chance to read this but I am worried about my friend. I am 14 by the way. My friend, whom I have known since 3rd grade, has always been really skinny. She is my height, 5'3, howeveer she only weighs about 80 lbs. Even though she has always been skinny, all the signs are there. She will eat A LOT in a small amount of time but wont eat very much the rest of the day. She eont let any one go in the bathroom with her, and her mother is very very controlling. Maybe i am just overworried but she looks like she was in a concentration camp my mom says it to me all the time. Last time I chacked she was 75-80lbs and i am just so worried and she hasnt gotten her period at all yet. She just turned 15 a few days ago actually. I appreciate your time and if you are unable to reply i understand completely!! thank you tyra God Bless you!!!!!

Dear Tyra,

I don't know how you could possibly have time to read all of these but thought I'd give it a shot anyway. I've seen your eating disorder episode a couple times now and continue to suffer with obsessive overeating to the point is ruining my life. I've struggled, then got better and struggled and so forth and once again am battling. I've done everything, met with counselors and nutritionists who told me I wasn't fat to eating diaries and I am lost. I don't know where to turn. It has ruined friendships and many days of my marriage- crazy I would even think about letting that happen but its out of my control. I recently gained 18 pounds- yuck!! Was planning to run a marathon as I was in good shape and now I'm stuck. I've even pretended to be a eating disorder specialist to go to trainings to see how I can help myself, read self help books because I know I'm in trouble and suffer from it. What do I do?? I feel like I've tried all the resources and am at a dead end. Please help me- I don't want money or to be on your show- I just need help.. It's so embarrassing to be 29 and not able to control stuffing my face and no one has any clue at all.. Hope there is still an option out there for me to get better. I want to help others in this situation but can't seem to get myself straight first.

Thanks

 

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