Communication Exercise from Family Therapist Stacy Kaiser
I call this the “Get REAL” exercise. “REAL” stands for: Reflect/Express/Acknowledge/Listen. To start, I always ask both people if they love each other. This exercise only works if true love is there, because with love comes the willingness to try to repair the relationship.
Here’s How To Do It:
- Each person needs to think of two or three things that the other did that hurt them the most.
- While one person expresses what they are hurt about, the other person has to listen without interrupting.
- After the two or three complaints have been shared, the person who was the listener has to say, “thank you for sharing that with me and I am sorry your feelings were hurt.”
- The two people switch roles and the second person gets a chance to express their feelings and be listened to and acknowledged. It is important to note that this exercise is not meant to include a laundry list of everything the other person did wrong. Therefore, each person should have only five minutes, or less, to express what is on their mind.










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Hi, Tyra. I just broke up with my boyfriend of two and a half years over some communication issues we were having. I tend to bottle up feelings rather than try to explain them or just come out and say it and then blow up at him later. I was wondering if you could do more shows on relationships and communication because I love your show! Thank you so much, you're an inspiration to me.
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