RE: “Anger Illness”
Dear Dr. Keith: I’d like to share a different perspective on the condition you term “Anger Illness”. I am specifically referring to the moms who demonstrate this extremely abusive behavior toward their children.

For years I have observed this behavior. Generally the parent has poor preparation for emotionally healthy relationships, especially parenting. Here is the common thread I have seen. The mom seems to believe having a baby will FORCE the dad to have a loving, meaningful, fulfilling relationship with the mom. It isn’t about the child/children. The baby is a tool to capture and deliver some fantasized relationship or identity for the mom.

In this scenario, both parents generally lack the emotional maturity or social skills to create an emotionally healthy environment. Often times, they also lack the education or training that provides the financial base most households need. Mom is using the pregnancy or baby for mom’s other needs. Obviously, a relationship based on trickery and lack of a planned commitment has an added likelihood for failure.

These unrealistic expectations endlessly fuel the angry.

The baby gets here with all the associated demands. The requirements on the parents, particularly the moms are monumental. The child arrives with mom’s secret agenda: Its purpose is to make the dad “love” the mom. Doesn’t happen. When reality hits, mom is thoroughly angry because she is the one trapped and her fantasy life is more off track than ever. Mom’s underlying resentment is a lifelong theme-setting factor. These immature parents see the child as responsible for many of the family woes. The dad feels trapped by the mom. The mom is angry with both the dad and the kid. I think these moms point of view and subsequent responses (in parenting) are always influenced by the kid’s failure to “make mommy be loved”.

Women almost never admit that they intentionally use pregnancy and babies to trap someone.

Curing “Anger Illness” would start long before these children are conceived. Often times (I believe) these parents are unrealistic and ill prepared to be parents. Having children seldom cures anything. Clearly the most fulfilled parents have healthy relationships and a shared commitment to raise children BEFORE “Little Junior” is on the way. Having children ought to be a “two vote yes/no other agenda” only plan.

I was out of control angry for years. For me that rage stemmed from my being sexually abused as a child. It was not until I dealt with that, in my 30's, that I was able to deal with all of my emotions... and not just anger. I pray these women get help, they are inflicting so much pain on their children. I do however believe that much anger comes from abuse and nurtures abuse. Watching that show was so sad, because I saw myself years ago. It was brave of these women... now they need to step up, and begin to heal.

While I think it is great that these woman are receiving help and trying to change I cannot get over the fact that the children are remaining in the home. It was noted that they are works in progress and it takes time to change. The children do not need to be victims anymore while the mothers change. I am a product of that type of environment and although I have succeeded in life the scars are there and haunt me constantly (been in therapy and hospitals since I was 17). Again, I think it is wonderful that these woman want to change but until they are fully changed I dont feel the children should be subject to that type of abuse. As a teacher I would have had to report that type of behavior to our psych to report to CPS if a student came to me with these childrens history. I am a new mother (3 month old) and I cannot use my history as an excuse or the faCt that I was diagnosed years ago with a few things. My daughters well being is a result of my actions and I make a conscious effort ot be sure that she is getting the nurturing andlove that I missed. There are chemical imbalances, etc but the childrens safety should come first and foremost.

By the way, I love the show and am going ot miss it when I go back to work! Great job but felt more should have been done to protect these children from further damage.

Hi Dr Keith, I think the major cause of this disorder was missed today on the show. I think it is caused from hormone imbalances. I am a woman who has a weak Adrenal Gland and have suffered from a lot of hormonal problems. I have been treated with several hormoal therapies and have noticed the different feelings when certain hormones are higher or lower than they should be. I bet if you tested these angry woman you would find their Cortisol levels higher than they should be, with weaker Estregen levels. When I took cortisol highering products I would get severely angry for no reason and have trouble sleeping at night and also get depressed. When I would take products to up my Estregen level I would loose the anger and deep sleep at night. I think hormones control everything in you're body. The drugs gave me severe side affects and I realized the best way to help this probalem is eating a nutritious diet. The American diet is so full of sugar and white carbs, which totaly throws peoples blood sugar levels and hormone levels around. Making some peoples hormones totally off balance. If these woman would change there eating habits they would feel 100% better. Start with NO sugar, only whole grain carbs lots of vegtables and lean meats with alot of healthy omega 3 oils, Olive, fish, flaxseed. There bodies would heal and there hormone levels would balance. They would not need medication that has serious side effects. I hope you address the need for nutritional changes to help woman like this. It makes all the difference!!!

Dear Dr. Keith,
Last year I went through a lot of changes which brought on a major amount of stress and triggered major anger. My mom was always angry or sad when I was a kid and it was hard to figure out why. I turn into her when things are frightening to me. But this time was crazy anger. I felt like if I could say the most disgusting awful swear word that would somehow relieve the feeling. I told this to my homeopathic dr and she gave me a remedy that really helped. I also practice EFT and meditation and those also help. I also read a lot of books to help understand. All of those helped but I'll tell you the homeopathics were a key tool for me.

I watch the anger show and I have comments, I was just like that. My son now is 20 and daughter is 26 and I can relate to this. It was a time that I was working and taking college courses and also bowling a couple time a week( being seceratary for one). My son and daughter always going at it I gave them each a butcher knife and told them to kill each other because I couldnt take it anymore then I walked on the porch and cried. my son would do any thing and everything for time with me and most of it was yelling and hitting him. I started my son in concelling and started with him after about 5 visits I quit going. I found it really wasnt him that had a problem it was me, I went to the doctors and was put on medicine. I had no time for them. So I quit college and only did 1 night of bowling. Slowly things started getting better. Every child need one on one time with their parents. Coloring with them works great time, ask them it works.

Thank you for your show and the help that it gives so many. I am dealing with my daughters relationship with a guy that has an anger problem. Maybe this info will help.
Thanks

I am 36 and have 2 boys ages 6 and 7. Both me and my husband sufer from anger illness and both had lots of issues when we were growing up. Sometimes when he's tired or in a bad mood he will yell at us or say mean things. The kids both have some developmental delays. The youngest one also has ADHD and pervasive developmental delays. Sometimes whenever they have trouble with home work or they can't do something right, I get so fusterated at them. Sometimes I snap at them or even start to yell. Or when my 6 year old becomes hard to manage or has a fit, I get real upset about that aswell and my anger illness takes over then too. I'm trying very hard to control myself and I'm doing better then I used to. But it's something I have to continue to work at still. I want to change more then anything else. I just talk to my parents about it or try to manage it on my own.

I'm seeing your program on anger. I never new other people suffered from this same illness. I to after having children found myself yelling, ect. at my children for homework, housework or just cause. My husband is credited with helping me overcome and intervine when I became out of control. I asked him to help me not be this way. I was becoming my mother. Something I always said I would not be. Intervention was the key. We fought and talked about what was really bothering me. Now life is completly diffrent but it has taken a long time to get here. Thank goodness we where able to deal with this ourselves. I really needed someone in the home to stop me.

Dr Keith, I admire the work you're doing with the women on the anger illness show, it is so important for these women to get their anger under control. Their precious children will thank you some day. I'm very curious if you have researched the symptoms of mercury toxicity and mercury poisoning, depression, anger, low self esteem can be for mercury in amalgam "silver" dental fillings. I know because I recently got acutely mercury poisoned from my dentist drilling on an old "silver" filling. In my case my central nervous system was greatly affected, my health deteriorated rapidly it was not until I has all of my mercury fillings SAFELY removed that I began to regain my health. In all the research I've done depression, anxiety, anger, etc. are some of the top symptoms mercury toxicity can cause not to mention a host of other health problems.

I truly believe I suffer from the 'Anger Illness'. So much that I gave up custody of my only child to her father. My daughter would enrage me so far that I would beat on her, spank her to the point that her bottom was bruised purple and my hands were fully bruised.
I would realize the rage coming over me and sought help from my physician. I am now taking Xanax on a daily basis to control my stress/anxiety.
I now see my daughter only on weekends - but months apart.
Her actions still distress me - so it's better for her to live with her father - than to live with me.
I only hope that she knows that I really do love her - I just can't live with her.

Hi I am a mother of three adult children who in the past few years become very angry. Yes it is partly due to I feel being in an abusive marriage for 15 years and being put into the hospital at the end of that marriage. But I also feel it is due to unresolved feelings and hurts from my past. I have been so angry that I am taking it out on my husband that I have been married to know for over a year. He is feeling all of this pain and anger. And it hurts me to know I am doing that. I am on depression medication now and I am working on a work book about self esteem and relationships. I am learning alot about who I am and what has been bothering me. Please continue with this show. There are so many out there with this illness. We need to know that we have a safe place to fall and someone to talk too. My daughter has this problem with my grandsons sometimes and it breaks her heart. Please don't stop this show. The kids need the support and so do the spouses that are also in the situations.

How come women on your show act like this and have "anger illness", but men who act like this are abusive.

About the anger illness, I used to get uptight easily, and after much reading I found vitiamins (especially magnesium which works on the nerves and muscles) works wonderfully. Nutrition plays a role in this problem. Magnesium also works well on IBS.

I have all the same concerns these others have and I realize it and I'm making changes but not fast enough . She's 9 years old and has suffered these years as I struggle to make the changes. (I still have slips back into old habits). I can only hope the end of your show give helpful hints (books - resources (that dont' have a huge cost$$) on how to improve. So far all I see is confirmation that women for the most part have this problem and that I'm on alone. I'd rather hear more about the positive changes we can make to change the cycle and improve before our kids move on with the same condition.
Great show!
Judy

why is it that you olny show mothers with anger illness there are many fathers that are as bad or worse

One word for the "Anger Illness" LEXAPRO!
It has worked wonders for me and I know others who it has been a great help too.