dr.keith, I was sexually abused by my father before i was out of diapers, at the age of 4 he told me to go put on a shirt, on a hot summers day in the yard with my brothers and sisters, so i knew something was wrong with me.. I was sexually abused by my father for years, he also took my virginity. Also, sexually abused by 2 uncles and their father. I'm 47 years old and still can not find a way to keep a relationship or job, or trust anyone. thanks

This family was not sympathetic at all. Nine adoptive children? What a mess. They probably couldn't keep all their backgrounds straight! It's great when someone adopts a child...but nine is outrageous! That was a catastrophe waiting to happen.

And why didn't they call the police on Devon too? Yeah, she was abused as a child, but that gives her no right to abuse others. And by not having to face any repercussions she will probably turn out to be an abuser when she is an adult. She should have been taken away from that family and given intensive therapy and treatment. She admits to abusing both Garrett and her own little sister! The whole family is disgusting.

Hopefully someone watching this show will do something about this family. They handled everything poorly.

I want to thank you for the show on January 10. I am a survivor and I am proud of the parents, even if they were her adopted parents, for stepping up and taking some responsibility in what happened. I do think that the boy should have spoke up, but I don't believe that it was his fault. I said something about what happened to me and now no one talks to me, and they hate me for telling the truth. I have long time effects because of the abuse, and I am also very alone because my family hates me. I believe that my uncontrollable anger, (anger illness) has a great deal to do with my childhood. I learned alot from this show and hope to work on getting help soon. Thank you, Victoria

No one overcomes abuse, I dont care how many years of help you may have received. Unless it has happened to you, you cannot speak on the subject. There is no combination of words that can heal the pain. There is no magic pill to make one forget the feelings, sights, smells or sounds associated with such any event. I have lived with it everyday for over 30 years. Guilt may be dealt with and hid somewhere in one's mind, but it never goes away, even though the abusee is not the one at fault. I love this show, but feel frustrated whenever I hear others speak on this subject who have never been personally touched by it. I understand why the parents feel the way they do, my own family never could deal with the consequences of such an event. I am like an alcoholic in that I deal with the ramifications one day at a time, and any major decision I have made in my life has been colored by this event. Devon and Garrett may learn to live with what happened to each of them, but it will be with them everyday. Unfortunately for Garrett it comes at the cost of his family. I honestly think that in this instance, both were victims and that is what makes this whole story so sad.

I was very touched by the show today. It was like I was living the moment once again. I can really relate to that family and their son being acused of sexual abuse. This is my story. My son was just 18 years of age when he was charge with sexual assault to a minor. But the problem was not the charges, like that mother said " if I would known then what I know now my son would be here where he really belong. I hired a very cheap attorney whom took a plea burgain for my son. We never met her before the court day. When we went to court she stand up and pleaded guilty. From that moment on it has been nothing but hell for all of us. My son was a full time college student and was working full time also. The day he got arrested he was just taking his friend to see his girfriend. My son took then to the park and waited in the car. When the police arrived the found the girl and her boyfriend in the park and my son sleeping in the car. There were no evidence that my son had anything to do with the girl. Just statement that she wrote to safe herself and her boyfriend. In her statement she stated that she had oral sex with my son and she also beg the police not to do anything to herboyfriend because he was not a child moleter. The girl was 13 years old but her boyfriend said she had told him she was 17 and she told the police she was 15. I think my mistake was not been able to hire a good atterney because like I said there were no evidence, no dna test, even the police statement said that he was in the car. As you can see the has destroyed all of us but specially my son career, his reputation, he has two beatifull boys. He has not spent time with them but what it worse is that he can have no contat with them until they are 18 yrs. old. they are only 4 and 5. I cry and I cry until I fall asleep. My son is now 24 I know he still young but How can we regain the time lost. I don't think nobody can. He will have to register as a sex offender for something he even do. And another thing that girl, she knew what she was doing, she sneak out her house at midnight, her mother knew what she was doing but did nothing to help her. Now who knows how many guys are in jail because of her and other girls just like her.

Dr. Keith,
This show touched home for me in many ways.I have been struggling with this issue all my life.I,too,am a victim.

the fault of this horrible mess is the fault of the parents, and the parents alone.It took me a very long time to accept that in my own life. coming from a very large familly myself- of some foster,birth, and adoption.the parents should not have taken on more than they could handle.are they in essence good people with the motivation of love, helping and making a difference?Very possibly so.but what have they truly accomplished here?i never thought my parents were at fault but they were. they are very good people and really wanted to do the right things,but took on too much.

The parents here tried to blame the system. and they are partial right-the system they should blame is their own.and then to continue to bring more children into their home is umbelievable!with all the issues still in their "family". i totally agree with the birth child's feelings.until her parts come to grips with all this i wouldn't expose my life and family to such outrageous behaviors found in this household.i applaud her for her courage and strength to make such a stand.there is a book called "the courage to heal,"maybe they all need this.

these parents are not saints for what they are doing ... they are sick.i would have thought they were uneducated or without resources like my parents but that was not the case.help the children you have and stop exposing more children to your inabilities.i feel horrible for the children of these "parents" even though the children may not understand they took on too, too much.and sadly, continue to do so. the state needs to get involved and stop this.Again, all these children are victims of the mother AND father.No blame belongs to the children, none at all.

Thank you for allowing me to voice my thoughts and feelings.

I was a victim also,and I was molested at a very young age.and I don't recall any childhood memories except the bad things.I have no good memories,and that's a shame.I'm in my early 40's and it still haunts me and pains me,I've been diagnoised with fm and depression and other illiness's that prevent me from working or socializing at any level.the demons are back and I've never really spoke about this until this past year with my dr. it felt a little good just releasing it on to someone else,but that doesn't cure it or take it away.the damage is done my innocents were stolen,and I can never get them back.but what's really sad about the whole thing is I was never a little girl,the little girl in me was taken away,and still lies dormant somewhere inside,she's still there.

I do not agree with the way dr.keith handled thid show.he did not at one point say to the mother, you blame your sopn but not your daughter???and yes she is to blame! she was a festering poison injected into this family and ruined two lives, including her innocent younger sister. Dr. keith knows damn welll that children suffering abuse, especially boys are less willing to talk about it due to the shame. he should hjave defended the boy by pointing this out to the ignoramous parents.

Did I miss something, or did Dr. Keith not address Garrett's current situation at all? I was so sure he would say what an outrage it was that he was treated so poorly and that he would connect the family with some legal counsel which would remedy this injustice. He offered such sympathy to the rest of the family at the end of the show, but didn't mention the boy. Either he has a blind spot here or there's something we don't know.

I'm a mother of a 5 year child that has been sexually abused,and she was only 4 when this had happend she is now in cousneling every week and this has hurt the rest of my family my husband has since quite is job so that he can stay home and protect our children from people like this and i only work part time since this has happend this awfull struggling that we do every day just to protect our kids and to make this worse thuis person is still walking around the streets doing this to other children he has also done this type of thing to another child of his and a sister but with my case nobody will do anything to him it just makes me sick to know that the world that we live in has this kind of system and wont do anything about it

i myself am still dealing with the after effects that child abuse and i am 35 years old,i feel very sad for these children and what they have gone through,are going through and will go through for the rest of their lives.i hope one day they will be able to deal with it in their own way.i have not yet found that solution.

I've been trying to access additional information from today's show. However, until I'm able to receive the full info, I would like to share the following. My family is from a deeply conservative Dutch Reformed religion of which the males are given full rights. As an adult, I've learn through therapy and general knowledge that our conservative area rates statistically high in the incest category. You see Calvinists believe in pre-destination, therefore since you've already been "chosen", despite much abuse, your destination is heaven.

My parents focus was in generally their issues with one-an-other. Our religious education both in church and school were all that was needed. Emotional health was lacking greatly, especially for girls. For twenty years, I lived my own life with my own family in Colorado due to my pain. 12 years ago, I contacted my mother regarding the sexual abuse I experienced from my brother 5 years my senior. The experience is vivid still in my mind, however the problem was that I thought for many years our family life was "normal". After beginning therapy and much probing and proding on behalf of my therapist I reluctantly spoke with my step father regarding my inability to speak with my mother regarding the issue. His knowledge of our family history allowed him to be extremely supportive however somewhat hestitant as well in discussion with my mother. Regardless, during one of my sleepless nights filled with anxiety attacks, I called my mother hoping to loosen the emotional hit and hoping for support. I cannot exactly remember her response, however she would typically just remain silent and tell me to go back to bed. You see during the period of abuse, I waken during lucids dreams that I could not be brought out of sometimes for hours. I would sit and cry while experiencing shaking episodes similar to my panic attacks. Our pediatrician back then had no advice or so I was told. I returned to West Michigan 6 years ago when my mothers health had taken a turn down after my step-fathers death. After my first participation three months later at a Holiday celebration attended by my brother, I began experience a great deal of depression and cronic anxiety. I again entered therapy and it was suggested by my therapist to speak with my mother again regarding various issues. Rather than speaking with me one on one, my mother told me I was a lier and my brother (now the head of her estate), was innocent. Until the death of my step-father, my brother wanted nothing to do with my mother. She stated she wanted a face to face meeting with my brothers (little brother was present during abuse) herself and me. My therapist suggested a meeting in her office, during which my brother denied everything and my mother called me a lier once again. My brother has a history of physically and mental abusive with my father's permission to our entire family (excluding the little boy three years my junior). While two of my three older sister's have acknowledged his ability and nature to complete this manner of abuse, my mother and brother have been able to delete myself and family from all family functions. I made this choice myself quite some time prior to this event.

Never a single day of my life had I ever encountered weight issues. Even after the birth of my last child at 40 years of age, I was back in my size fives within two weeks. Since this issue has come to light for all, I have gained nearly 50 lbs, take an anti-depressant daily and klonopin for anxiety attacks. Prior to my return to West Michigan, I was always able to control my anxiety without medication.

This manner of abuse in conservative religious families is not uncommon, However, due to the hush syndrom it rarely is acknowledged or dealt with by the church. I've been told that my families reaction is as well common, especially my mothers. I recently met a mother, wife and daughter at a support group for sexual abuse survivors. Her father, an elder in the church would bring her to Lansing on week-ends to prostitute her so as to allow him to pay their family tuition to Christian School.

After today's show it is clearly evident that we continue in the very direction we have arrived from. Please remember to empower your children to speak up.

I am a first time viewer who happened to catch your show this morning in my hotel room. I truly can identify with alot of the family dynamics today. I was abused by my mother's husband for 11 years from the time I was around 6 or seven until I left home when I was just shy of my 18th birthday. I can tell you honestly that I did not follow alot of the dialogue today, I caught some of it, but what I did catch was the look in Devon's eyes.

She is a very injured soul...and she is calling out for some sort of forgiveness and acceptance. What happened in that family was horrible, the devastation of the situation is tremendous and she, at this age, is only experiencing the tip of the iceburg of emotions that will haunt her all her life. I am 39 years old and have undergone counseling for many years, at many different junctures of my life....I can see so much of myself in her eyes. My past has and will impact my life forever. No matter what, it happened. I have forgiven my perpetrator...I have forgiven my mother for not keeping my safe. But the issues related to safety and trust and faith in yourself are always there. The defensive chararacteristics always end up showing themselves.

I feel for the entire family, as it impacts every one of them so very differently. I pray that they are able to heal. The son is in a horrible position and I dont know, as a mother myself, how I would have handled the situation, but I would like to think that alienation and the punishment as an adult would not have been my course of action!

If I would be able to connect with Devon and sit along side her and let her know that she is worthy of loving and being loved, I would cherish the opportunity to do so, as I wish someone would have done for me!

Iwas appalled at the lack of consideration for the young man in this incident ! This family overreacted and placed a young boy in an untenable situation,and literally abandoned him..Because of a "problem" childs lie..
I think all should petition the courts for absolving all penalities against this young man..
He in turn is far better off without these"loving parents"
surprised at Dr.Keiths reaction to the situation..

I was abused before age four. Although it didn't leave we with aberenet behavior, it did leave me with scars. This show helped me toward healing. Thank you and I want to thank the family for their courage in going on your show. Nancy

hi Dr.Keith, i obiviously watch your show, and love it by the way. but i know you probably get this a lot, but i really do look up to you as an individual and a person. i think what you do is inspiring and you teach people everyday, and change lives everyday. i wish more people would reconize individuals like you, who try to make the world a more communitive, loving enviorment. thank you for taking the time to listen to others.

i wish i could be as smart as you.;D
your friend,
kehli

Dr. Keith,
Today Jan.9th I watched your show on family crisis. I can relate to that family. My two sisters got molested by our uncle. We didnt believe my sister Chelsea because we would never thought that would happen...but a cople years ago my little sister came to my mother and told er he had did some horrible things to her. Its ripping our family apart because our dad doesnt know and my sister doesnt want to tell him because of what he might do and he'll divorce our mother....she feels like its her fault bacause we have to live with this secret and I want her to get some help but dont know how to do it....Like you told Devon today "you need to stop feeling guilty and feel angry" I wish my sister would feel the same... Can you please help us
thank you very much
Nicole

I am appalled at how far we have taken the issue of sexual abuse in this country! I agree that we have to protect children, teenagers and adults from ALL abuse, but we have gone too far! Eight and twelve year olds being labeled as sexual abusers and vitimizers! You have got to be kidding me! They are CHILDREN! They don't know what they're doing! They should be guided, told not to do it, supervised, taught what the right behavior is BUT THIS IS NOT CRMIMINAL BEHAVIOR! We cannot put onto children's shoulders the weight of this and we cannot assume that they have the capacity, knowledge or malice that an adult has. Why are we treating and trying children as if they were adults? If an eight year old steals a candy bar from a store, do you prosecute him or her as a robber? When I was little, some kids would play doctor and show each other their private parts and it was considered part of growing up, curiosity. I am not saying that the parents should have turned a blind eye and let them do as they pleased but I think having him arrested and having her put through this ordeal of losing a sibling and having them all labeled is WRONG!

iam writting in hopes of sharing my story.in hopes of helping a parent or a child.my daughter had stated in 2004 that her dad had molested her.i was married to her dad for 11 years.we had two daughters together.at this time laura was 13 years old.it was the biggest shock to me.i was in denial for a very long time.laura would not look at me to tell me this.that was even harder for me.i later learned that he had molested my sister and showed his private parts to my mother.they kept it from me all those years.i later learned that laura was telling the truth.the case was dis missed when laura changed her story.soon after laura became a very difficult child.she was so angry at me.she was crussing me yelling.she was so out of control.i was begging for help.she also became sudical.i had her admitted to a mental hosptial 3 times before she was court deffered into foster care.in foster care laura begin running away,using drugs,protestion.she ran away so many times i lost count.i would put flyers up and find her.the last time she ran away i found her on the streets very messed up.she began not taking care of herself and put on alot of weight.though she was out of control at home this was not the same child they took from me.the last time i found her i brought her home and in no time she stole my car with her sister to go look for drugs.i had her locked up.she was placed in foster care at age 14.at this time of taking my car she was 16.she stayed there until a locked mental facilty was found.time has gone by and laura is doing much better me and her are so close now.she is due to return home jan 26 2007.i have prayed everynight for her return.at the time i was in denial my friend started dating the girls father.they are married with one child.she is in denial now.it is a very difficult situation.she wants for him to speak up and say that he didnt do this.i dont see that happening.my youngest daughter has been in the middle of all this.he has nothing much to do with both of the girls.i would say to any parent if you are in a situation like this to be as calm as you can.beleive your child.if youre wondering if its the truth or not .stop!!!!its true.laura was a daddy`s girl.but now she is a mama`s girl.its still going to be a road when she returns home.but she has all of my support and will be seeing a therpist.she has also be digonosed with bi-polar,and ptsd.i love both of my girls so much and i thank god everyday for them.i pray that they both will grow to live happy healthy lives.i would also like to say to any child that this is happening to to please tell someone.dont walk around with this pain.there is light at the end of the tunnel..thank you susan williams

Devon's brother is 100% to blame, in my opinnion. He could have locked his door, blocked his door - done more to keep that little girl out of his room at night. I think that he enjoyed what was happening, and used his sister's tragic past as an excuse for his lack of control. Maybe he felt that, since they weren't biologically related, his behavior wasn't "that bad." Man, that is one tragic family. I don't know how Devon is ever going to feel like a whole person. Her parents should have never placed any of the blame on her.

I'm kind of shocked because I feel the mother is blaming the son completely. She blames him for not saying anything he was only 11. This boys life has been destroyed by this and the mother seems to not even care about this. Its like she needs someone to blame so she is blaming him. I think she wants the blame taked off her shoulders and put on the boys, just because "he knew better" and "didn't tell".

This woman sickens me to put all the blame on an 11 year old child is just wrong. No I don't blame the daughter either. What has happened is horrible and both children have suffered and will probably for many years to come, but in my opion this woman is the most at fault and the way she talks about the boy (in my opion)like he's to blame is just wrong. She needs to wake up and relize this was only a child and the boy was a victim in this not the one at fault. People like her really need to wake up. The only reason she wants the world to see the boy as a victim is to take eyes away from her.

I really had problems with the episode dealing with the sexually abused adoptive daughter Devon who seduced her slightly older adoptive brother into sexual activities, and lead him into suffering at the age of 14 on a lifelong stigma of being a child molester. He was only 12 when she started in on him, she lured him into sexual activities, and yet everything seems geared to absolving the girl of all her guilt and holding the boy responsible. Seems like the boy is treated as disposable just for being a boy, and the girl not being held accountable at all for her actions. It's just plain wrong. She gets some counseling and told not to hold herself responsible or feel any guilt at all for what she did, he's just told expect to never for the rest of his life ever be allowed around anyone under the age of 18 or get sent to prison, perhaps for life. I was just disgusted really seeing her getting all that outpouring of support and the boy who suffered far worse getting nothing but blame and told to just suck it up and accept responsibility for his actions, even though they'd have never happened but for the fact the girl lured him into it.

I was upset about the lack of feeling for the young man whose life has been ruined at 14.

I tend to lean towards the mom with the two sons, when she said she would have listened to her son.

This young man sensed that things would not be good for him if his parents adobted this girl. I am not saying it is her fault, I am just addressing the fact that no one listened to him.

Then they call in the cops on a 14 year old son. And then the system tries him as an adult. This is so unfair. I can't believe that I live in a country that has so little regard for its youth.

If the system came down on any of us when we got out of line somehow. When you are older, you can say, I should have seen it coming.I knew better. But when the authorities throw you to the wolves, your parents, before you can really know better, unbelievable

I just saw your program for the first time; the topic I saw was the family of Devon surviving through sexual abuse of children. I was abused by my father’s employee at the age of 3; I am now 39 and still deeply dealing with issues. The most prominent area is obviously relationships; it also carries into financial, health, etc. It’s amazing how strong and dominant our subconscious is. I find it very frustrating that I am aware of my issues and their cause, yet I just don’t know how to completely overcome the lost trust and self worth. I am not asking to be on TV; I am asking for help! Can you please help? Can you suggest any references for me? I need someone to understand with a resolution.

Dr. Keith,
Today on the show, Family's in crisis about the young girl who had been sexually abused....touched a nerve that I've been hiding for a long time. I was sexually abused when I was around 5-8 by my sister. I know the feelings that the 11 yr old has. I don't know if I'll ever forgive or forget this tragedy in my childhood. I feel for everyone in this show because, their whole lives will be effected by this abuse. I was a problem teenager and a problem young adult. It has taken many years to even tell anyone. I am 31 now and it still chills me to the bones when I hear of sexual abuse of a child. I hope this family can seek professional help for this devastating event. I have not received help, that is why I struggle. I pray for all of those children who have been afflicted by this monster.

Thank you,
Kathleen.

I absolutley understand what these parents are going through. we also have older adoptive children in our home. One thing I can say is that unless you have lived with children like this you will never understand how much they can affect the family and I can see that Dr Ablow has never lived with children like this. if he had he would be a lot more understanding of how far an 8 year old child can go.

First of all, I feel deeply sorry for what happened to Devon. It is a horrible tragedy that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. I must say that the therapist who said that Devon was healed should have their license removed. You can never escape a past like that. Believe me, people (esp children) are resillent, but those haunting fears will always be there. I don't care how long it's been since she was molested or how many therapists say she's "cured" she still should've gone to a therapist twice a week for a long time, not just after she's "cured". Be ashamed, you so called therapists! One thing that really struck a nerve with me (that one of the audience members brought up) was the fact that the mother ignored what Garret was really trying to say. I don't believe that Garrett is totally innocent. He obviously knew something was immoral about the actions that were taking place. However, he did try to speak up, and nobody seemed to care. No matter how you put it, Garrett was also abused. A myth about sexual abuse with boys (when females are the prepetrator) is that they should like it, and no matter what, the man is responsible for the sex. Contrary to belief, he was probably just as confused and mortified about it all as Devon. He doesn't know what to do. Should he say something or not? And after awhile, lines started to get blurry, and all of this stuff became habitual and it was just a cycle. Again, I thought it was totally wrong for the mother to make it seem like Garrett was a regular child molester who didn't care who got hurt. If you knew that he was fine with all of the other children but really hated Devon, how could you just think it was jealously? I don't think the parents put much effort into Devon, but rather than leave it all up to the therapists to solve it. I believe that he was hurting like Devon and the younger sister. Granted, he technically should've known better by all means (that's why I cannot say that he's totally innocent) but he is still a child who is also transitioning. But maybe they wanted to make it seem like it was his fault so Devon wouldn't feel less guilty, which is good. Before I sign off, I must say that Dr. Keith handled this well. He's not like Dr. Phil who just blames everybody, even the dog. I'm also a female who's have to deal with issues like this for a long time, and honestly, It's kind of out of character to side with a males in these kinds of sitatuons, so it's not like I'm some kind of woman-- woman hater (if any of this makes sense)

My heart goes out to that little girl. If I could give her a hug and tell her that, I would. I have been through a simmilar situation. She needs love and to know its not her fault. Things happen in our lives that sometimes are not right and sometimes unexplainable. But we should take these "things" and learn and become a stronger person because of it. I am glad that her older sister has come around with her. This story touched me and I cryed with her through the show. She, to me, seams like a wonderful person who has had some bad things happen to her. Her family needs to love her even more because of those things. And I don't mean love her more than the other children but maybe a little more affection in there words. I think that there should be something more they can do for there son. He might have know it was wrong while he was going through this, but he was too young and scared to be able to deal with this on an adult level. And I feel that is what everyone is doing to these children who arent even of leagle age to sign a leagle document letalone be tryed as an adult. I think that there should be some program for children like him and her to councel the child sort of like a rehab center to help them, not keep them from the family. And then determin weather or not there is something so wrong with this child that they can't help him to the point that he has to stay away from the family.

I feel the mother is at fault 100% because she did not get the history or background of the little girl Devin and she did not get her the proper mental treatment she needed before entering into their family.
Her son is a victum of the situation and was only 12 years old. He did not know anyn better, his hormones where normal and he didn't know how to express himself. His mother doesn't not seem to care much for her own son. She did not protect her own child. He should be released and the mother should stand trail for allowing this into her home...