Whew... is there anything I can say to sound different from everyone elses views. Am I wrong to want to sound differently? I would love to be married, except that I'm beginning to accept it may not be in the cards for me. I'm not desperate. I've been hurt and I'm sure I have hurt some as well. I value myself and I understand now not to accept anything that makes me feel less of myself or unworthy. I have feelings that perhaps all the good men are taken. I know it's wrong to believe that because if they felt that way about women I would stand up and say no, there are good women out there. I'm independent, smart, loving and loads of fun. I'm a 37 year old hispanic divorced mother of two. At first it was fun being single, going out, several dates, meeting new people. Ultimately however it's lonely when you're done with all that and ready for love again. I believe kids play a big part in why i am still single. Oh I don't regret it. I don't want anyone around who doesn't want kids, So my solution is accetp what I am and who I am and believe and hope that the right person hasn't come around because only God knows what the future holds for me.

Dear Dr. Keith Ablow, I have been single 47 years. I went out with different women over the years and decided to stay single. I was planning on going overseas to meet a woman. My family and my Pschotherapist are against the idea. I gave up on finding someone.

I'm 42 years old and have prefered dating older women, up to 14 years older at one point. The woman I'm currently seeing is 7 years older and I love it! (and her)

On the Single Life after 30 program, my problem is these women have money and I believe it is more of a "sugar momma" thing. It seems like a game with them, but they can afford it. I believe they can have surgeries to make themselves look younger also.
I am almost 60 and have lost a lot of weight and have been told I am attractive. Much younger men "hit" on me in person and by internet, but I am tired of being told that "age is just a number" if so can I pick a different one? and also that "older women are better at sex and no what they want and have more experience!!" Just because you are older doesn't mean you have more experience! I have had men in there 20's write me but I know what they are after and sex is not everything in life! Is it?? I work and take care of myself, I can't afford to take care of someone else (take them to raise).
I am more attracted to younger men, but I am realistic also. What do they really want from you???

Thanks,
Marli

I am a 40 year old successful woman and I enjoyed reading all of the comments

As a follow up to Dee | October 12, 2006 09:52 AM
I as Black woman find being single is the only available option for alot of us Black women. We do not have alot of choices available to us. I am a 41 year old woman, attractive, no children, never been married but I have an education and a successful career as an engineer. The holidays are very frustrating when there isn't anyone close to spend them with. I have spent many years alone due to I have experienced alot of heartbreak due to deciet, lies and infidelity. So I refuse to deal with anyone who does not have my best interest. I feel in this day and age finding someone to spend your life with is not that easy to achieve.

Folks, as cliche as this sounds, you need to lighten up about finding a mate. I was single and loved to mingle for the first 34 years of life. Then into my life walked an angel, and we've been married 5 years, living together 10. I didn't make it my life's mission to be married, just took things a step at a time, had my heart broken here and there, but always got up again. I never used a bad experience to say "All women are evil!". Just got up and tried, tried again. I got married at 39 and it's the smartest thing I ever did. Before that, I was a kid.

Good luck to ya'll.

Antoine

I have a personal comment regading living the single life, it's really great for a while but after a too long period of time it can become depressing and after a while it can take a real blow to your self-esteem. I been single for years and I've been in a few relationships I've never been in a long term relationship because either I'm doing something horribly wrong or all men are deceiving liars, one of my favorite superstar wrestlers his name is stone cold steve austin has a motto "don't trust anyone" I think this will be my new life's motto because it makes alot of sense nice guys really do finish last ask me everyone from my dad down has let me down therefore I throw in the towel even though it sucks being alone because I already feel alone in this world but I guess it beats being craped on over and over I don't even think you can help my anger and depression but please try

Wow, NY Girl! Seems to me someone has a little issue of her own. I am a photographer and I have shot Ivy many times starting with her fashion shows about 10 years ago and recently for Steppin Out Magazine AND my 2nd artistic nude book, NAKED WITH A VENGEANCE which is out Feb 14th. Ivy is a strong woman. When she wants something, she goes after it 100%. Why would that scare you? You say youre married to an investment banker. Maybe you wish YOU had been a little more aggressive and become the investment banker yourself. I didnt log on to knock you, but to knock another woman for knowing what she wants and wanting success is odd to me. You might be very happily married and in a great place in your life, and that is good, but to knock someone who wants something different than you do just isnt right. If you only liked the color orange would you expect ALL women to be in orange uniforms? Ivy wears her own uniform, her own smile, her own armour and her own attitude. Like it or not--IT'S HER OWN and most important SHE likes it.

I'm a 32 year old single mother and am having a hard time meeting someone who isn't just trying to satisfy his own needs. I am guilty of going for whatever's there rather than thinking about do I really love and admire this person. I hope never to be put in the wronge situation again, and would much rather be single than put up with a dissapator.

Within the past few years, I've *gratefully* come to accept and to embrace my single status- but this was not always the case. Gratefully, I've discovered great value in my own existence- and- most importantly- that I do not *NEED* a man to happily exist in life! We single woman can learn to celebrate themselves, and stop basing our true value/self-worth upon whether or not we "have" a man.
:)

I like being single just because i have total freedom but it gets lonely i mean i consider myself attractive and i have no problem meeting guys and getting guys but i cannot get a real boyfriend! relationships just dont go with me and at this point its scary that im almost 19 and have never had a good serious relationship that has lasted more than a week!

I'm a woman in my 50's and have given up on finding a mate. It's a catch 22. On the Internet dating sites almost every man posts that he is tired of "playing games" and wants someone honest and real. However; women are trained to play games and be dishonest or misleading by omission ("Don't tell him about THAT on the first date"). These are the women chosen by men. It leaves those of us who are an honest, genuine, open book no chance for success in finding a man. I have always refused to play these games. I'm honest and open, yet tactful. This is probably why I have never married. I don't spark the interest by playing the games that men really do choose to play.

JetStar EK, you think you know Ivy but you don't. She'll stay single forever because she wants it that way no matter what she says. She is a sad, bitter old lady.

Hi- I loved the show and found the women to be extremely interesting. The tall woman whose father died at an early age was striking and truly someone I would love the opportunity to meet. I also thougth Ivy was awesome- she called it like she saw it- I think the guy they set her up with was so threatened that she is a successful ambitious woman- and Duh- she was being smart and tried to promote herself- she didn't care about the idiot or impressing him. You go IVY! And love the name- SUPERSONIC- you are baby, you are!

Ivy is the coolest. The great thing about her is that not only can you date her, you can read her too!

When the "Sex in the City" woman becomes obsolete, I will get married. Women have made themselves undesireable. I can tolerate them only for a short time, then they simply have to go.

I find it odd that a woman who wants to be treated like a lady, and not emasculate her man is hard to find.

As a single woman and almost 40, I appreciated what " Ivy Super Sonic" had to say.

I feel she is right on when comes to men & relationships, if you're not guarded you'll get ran over.

I disagree with "nygirl" Ivy isn't superficial by just talking about her accomplishments, why should she tell her private life?

If a person isn't impressed by her accomplishments then they'll never respect her as that is apart of her life.

She isn't a half ass person,with half ass expectations of a relationship, she knows what she's seeking, I admire that strength and firmness

I also admire her getting out there and making a name for herself, when she comes from an affluent family and never probably had to work even though her dad was tough.

She did it, and there is no doubt she will be equally as passionate about her relationships. You may not understand this thinking today, but someday you'll understand by trail & error, especially, if you're a person that tries not to make same mistakes repetitively.

'ivy Super Sonic" Thanks for showing me I'm not the only one that feels relationships are earned and not given in any manner. therefore, they last a life time, if their real on the front-end.

Really interesting show on single women in their 30's.

'BRAVO' for including Ivy among your panel.

As a single man who has dated women in their 20's, 30's, 40's, and even 50's, I will say that the women you've profiled seemed representative of the mindset I've encountered--with ONE notable exception: Ivy!

I found Ivy's attitude and personality engaging and refreshing.

She appeared to be the one woman among your guests who actually radiated her own passion and personal strengths.

The others, while very attractive and intelligent, appeared to be trying to live up to societal expectations, rather than their own.

They appeared lost and uncertain of who they really are and what they have to offer others beyond outward appearence.

Self-confidence is our most powerful aphrodesiac and unfortunately, most of us (men and women, alike) are often intimidated and threatened by a confident and self-aware woman.

Honestly, great show, but if you truly wish to do your audience a service, you will profile more women like Ivy in the future. She was a bright light and NOT a dim bulb!

Sure, for ratings, your medium must attempt to reflect it's audience, but YOUR audience looks to you, not just to see themselves, but to also see something valuable upon which to reflect and learn (Two mirrors, face-to-face, create only neverending darkness).

The dating scene not withstanding, haven't we all become 'homogenized' enough?

Spirit, Passion and Individuality is what made America great!

Dare we venture an unorthodox opinion that the same might perhaps apply to Single women in their 30's, as well?

Although I am not a regular watcher of Dr. Keith, I happen to catch the Cosmo and singles show. The men were absolute losers, couldn't you find anyone older and more interesting. The women were so much more interesting, expecially Ivy. She is quite interesting and has an infectious laugh and personality. You should try this again and give these women (especially Ivy) a chance to choose from some older more interesting men.

If I was a man, the only woman I could stand being in the same room with for more than 10 minutes would be Donna. It's a no brainer why these women have not yet found a man for a committed relationship... to put it in a nutshell "they are all self centered blabber mouths that are too afraid of emotional intimacy". The men were constantly cut off and interrupted by these pushy broads and I felt sorry for each and every man sitting up there.. with Dr. Keith included. Put these barracudas and piranhas back in the ocean because they clearly don't need to destroy the life of any decent man.

Ok Dr. Keith how about a real show on real women in their 40's who are beautiful, fit, emotionally stable, successful and not blonde who are still single and cannot figure out why.

I watched your show on living the single life. VERY interesting that these women were on the whole desperate, lapping up compliments from the men, delving into their childhoods or their psychological issues to find out what they must be doing wrong in trying to attract men, and asking the men to provide feedback to them on how to improve themselves in the dating scene... if you had done the reverse for the men, fine, but you didn't - not one man's childhood was discussed. The men were not presented as having shortcomings, but the women were. And one of the men, when asked what he had to say about women, said "do I have to say something nice?"... that is sexist hostility, the kind of demonization of the other gender that doesn't do any good, in either direction.

The show's structure and content reinforced many gender stereotypes, most notably female submissiveness. I will not be watching again. It is sad & disappointing to see an MD so oblivious to these issues.

I have a few comments on the things people had posted.

First of all, the title of the show was Dr. Keith in Cosmo. The show wanted to talk about what the magazine’s target market, female professionals in their twenties and thirties. Cosmopolitan Magazine is not geared towards for people that are in their 40’s!!! If the show thinks that the topic is worth talking about, there will be another show titled something like “Dating in 40’s” (or 50’s, after retired, whatever).

I have been living in New York City for about 6 years now and these women are pretty typical. Driven, professional, forward, some are almost “at your face” strong personality, and bitter towards to men. It is sad but especially a place like New York, everyone is super competitive. Men need to be successful professionally if you want to have a good looking wife/girlfriend. For women, they need to be somewhat educated (at least college grad) and definitely slender and attractive if you want to succeed in the dating world. It is harsh, but people don’t have the time to make friends.

And here is a wake up call for women who think “why do they talk about attractive women’s problem??? I’m not ugly but I’m not gorgeous either”. There is something you should know: Men love attractive women. Most men don’t like fat women. I’m sorry to tell you this but MOST (not all but most) men are this way. They are visual. Another thing is whoever thinks about themselves “I’m not ugly but I’m not beautiful”, you guys need to work on your self confidence. Women are born beautiful, sure, it is a constant work to maintain it, but you need to try to make yourself feel beautiful, inside and outside. Whenever I go out, I make sure that I look the best because I want to be the best looking girl in the room. I don’t think there is anything wrong with me thinking to myself, “I’m so cute”.

Dr. Keith recommended those women to act more vulnerable because they are so guarded. He didn’t mean to tell your sob story on your first date, he just suggested to relax and be open about talking about something other than work and money.

Lastly, I keep myself thin, attractive (size 0), still living in New York, happily married to an investment banker. And I am planning on maintaining my weight under 100lbs even after I have children (currently 95bs). : )

I read the blog from Ned and I too, am an older single woman, in fact, I have never been married, no kids and just turned 50. I wonder how many people like me are out there. I also would like to see a show on older single people. I am interested in finding someone to share my life with - not looking to "take care" of someone.

I think that sometimes we box in what we want in a partner so much that it becomes a period. Give yourself and others a chance. I believe that love sometimes comes very covertly. Be open to every aspect of a relationship to allow that very special person into your life. You will be much happier for it. Thank you, keep up the great work.

Dr. Keith,
Thanks for your show on the Single Life. I think you need to do another show with women in their 30's. It is very hard to be christian, African American woman who is a beautiful person first from within, who is also intelligent, professional. Black men are definitely intimidated and I don't get the opportunity to meet men from other races who are single and are interested in meeting a lady with a lot to offer. Trust me there are many of us out there.

I felt like the girl Ivy had major issues with relationship and opening up to other people. At first, I found her extremely obnoxious. But then I realized that is her way to defend herself. She appeared to be very self-centered, overly confident, and cocky. And as long as she acts the way she does, no man would want to be with her. She would probably say “oh that guy felt intimidated by me because I am so driven (or successful or whatever)” when things don’t work out. But the truth is, it was not because the guy was insecure, he decided that he wasn’t interested because of the way she is.

She is only willing to exchange information on very superficial level (i.e. occupation, hobbies, where they went to school). Anything beyond that, she acts like she doesn’t care. But the reality is, she doesn’t want to get into it because it might bring up something that would make her feel vulnerable.

I hope she changes, or she will remain single for rest of her life….

Why is the focus on women? There are older men who want relationships and don't have it. Why does society make it such a crime for a woman to be older and single? Why are they called old maids while men are called bachelors. Your show contributed to this thought pattern by making older single woman appear to have something wrong with them instead of being independant women who have not met the right person yet. Being single is not a crime nor does it indicate an individual that needs fixing.

I have been single for nine years and don`t look nor act my age and i date woman more than half my age it`s gotten to the point i won`t even look at someone who is 15 years younger in my mind i don`t see myself that age. I feel sometimes like i have a great body sick mind. If i act this way there must be someone who is a female that is my equal.

I'm a little disappointed in the way today's show about singles/dating went. Dr. Keith! You were encouraging women to act more vulnerable so that men could feel more protective and therefore be able to connect. Gees, I thought we were in the 21st century. Why can't women be strong and equal partners in relationships? Why don't you advise men, that being protective is alienating to today's women? Men need to adapt to the new woman -- the professional, educated, fully capable of taking care of herself, her finances, her health and her life woman. Women are no longer raised that their goal in life should be to please a man, get married and have children. I was raised in those days. And I have been fighting this battle for 50 years. We strong women need strong men with whom we can be equal partners. Both must be able to show their vulnerabilities and both must be able to display their strengths.

Dr Keith,

I watched your show on "living the single life" - I am 49 years old, I have been single for 20 years+. I was left alone with 2 kids 8 months and 3 years and dedicated the past 20 years to raising them and supporting us. No regrets, they have turned out to be wonderful good responsible adults. - I have always wanted to be in a loving relationship - I have a ton to give, past relationships have made me somewhat shy - men don't seem to be who they say they are and I do "wear my heart on my sleeve" - I am open honest and have a heart of gold and have gotten into some hurtful situations because of it. Those woman on your show are all beautiful, talented and personable - the men were the same. What about us older women?? I am not a size 6 - never will be - I am not ugly but not strikingly beautiful either. I still have all the same needs as any other women and believe it or not - after taken care of myself and 2 kids for 20 years - I long for someone to take care of me. how about you connect with us older single folks and show us ways to meet new people..........I long to grow older with someone.

i enjoyed the insight on single females, especially pretty ones. I was surprised how little career was talked about though. from what i've seen, the woman is highly concerned about financial status. usually a struggling single man has so little to offer accept love and support, that he is usually dissed before he has a chance. i'm not talking about loserville. just people making only 12 to 14 bucks an hour, have it tough. good show though, look for more on this topic.

Having been recently divorced and in my 50's with grown children, a show on meeting someone special to spend the rest of my life with would be of interest.

I think most people in the world are confused especially when it comes to dating.

With more and more women trying to find themselves( career, lifestyles) and still get want they want( family, home, husband)it becomes a HUGE juggling act or a huge decision to wait on one or the other.

Many womem want it all: Career, Husband, Family, House, dog, white picket fence.Its in our genes to have children. Some women dont want children, they have repressed their natural urges not to have a child. The women however that want to have a family life with the man of their dreams and the children of their dreams tend to have to make a choice. Go ahead in their 20's and look for a husband full time and put career on the back burner until they have that family life and all of that then Go back to school or jump start their carrers etc.

But other women what to have their own stability adn their own self awareness and fullfilment by going for their careers first and deciding to find a husband and a creating a family LATER in life in their 30's and even 40's.

I do feel that most men do want a family but they want the young hot 20 somethign year old and they arent as attracted to the 30 soemthing woman. Men do tend to look towards age and physical attributes and even social status.

Most men want to feel like the cliche MAN.. head of house hold, bringing in the bacon etc... and some of them do feel that they may not feel that way with a 30 soemthign year old woman who has her own buisness or home.

I do feel that many people feel confused in the dating world because the roles are blurred. Their are way too many dating "games" going on too.
I belive most people need to be more open and honest with everyone.

Well I have too many comments to mention here but I just wanted to touch on a few with you guys!
I LOVED THE SHOW!
Good luck!
HAVE FUN!
HUGS!

The problem these people have dating is!! They only want to date beautiful people that are doctors. Maybe if took time to meet someone and get to know their personality they would
have a better chance at a long lasting relationship.
I'm not beautiful but not ugly and have been single for years because I'm not a
male model, I don't get the time of day. I'm not in debt,I have good morals, I
keep promises, But those things nobody ever finds out about!!

Dear Dr. Keith:

Your show was a perfect example of how controlling and castrating New York 30-something women can be. The petty comments, abrupt interruptions and the lack of self awareness, was displayed in full by this panel of women (with the exception of Donna). On the other hand, the men were composed, thoughtful and although I'm sure no angels, did not enter a date as it were "battle."

As a young single professional man, with many opportunities to meet women, I thank you for putting a spotlight on the crisis of today's dating scene.

All the best,

Jon

Im a 58 year old male who has been single for 20 years, and have been looking for a mate, but am tired of damaged women. These people dont know how blessed they are on being young, and still able to meet someone. This is a throw away society. I would like to see a show on older people trying to find some one to love, and Share their life, instead of hearing about the past all the time. I also am a christian, and would like to find a woman with christian values, and knows how to take care of her husband, and visa versa. Too many woman are looking for someone to help heal them instead of sharing the rest of their life with. I would like to see a show with older single people, on how and what they are looking for. Signed Older single looking for love.
Thank You................Ned..

Dr. Keith:

Thank you for your Cosmopolitan Magazine show. My life is a little different from those single young women looking for love.

I have been widowed for about a year and a half, and my late husband was the love of my life. He was far from perfect, but you can say he was perfect for me. A brilliant photographer and gifted singer, I participated in building both careers so that when the paramedics wheeled his body out of our house, my career, job, and life went with them.

My question to you is this: as I approach my 50th birthday, what can I expect out there by way of finding new love? I know I won't find the same kind of love, but I do want to love again with someone who moves and stimulates me and values me as I am accustomed to being valued. Will it ever happen? Are there any unmarried, straight men out there in their 50s who don't carry so much baggage from their pasts that they are dysfuncitonal messes?

I really enjoyed watching the show on Thursday.I can relate to all the women on the panel.Iam a 38 year old single mother of one son and i can not find a decent relationship out here in Michigan. When I finally did have a great guy for 3 years he was the one I should of married , I went and cheated on him then told him to leave are apartment he was a mess
so here I was leaving a good guy for the other and all he wanted was a couple night stands so here Iam again still upset over it and its been 2 years since I saw him or even talk to him I been to a couple session of cousling and I thought it help but I still cant get r him or what I did to him PLEASE HELP ME HE WAS THE BEST PERSON I EVER HAD IN MY LIFE...... I MISS HIM EVERYDAY and to make things worsed now he is married and has a son he is married to his bosses daughter .......
so I feel like I will never be able to tell him how sorry I was or how I wish we were together ... It cant happen so how do I move on PLEASE HELP DR KEITH

I've been single for the past three years. Not that I'm overly picky about what I want, but I tend to find the apples at the lower branches of the tree - if you know what I mean.

My most recent ex was wonderful, but after a bad breakup between us, she went off the deep-end and pretty much self-destructed; orgies, drugs, booze, you name it. I really don't know if I was the reason for her loss of self control or if I was dating someone with underlying problems.

Aside from that, I've pretty much given up on dating - the longest a relationship lasts now is about two weeks and I laugh about it openly with whomever I date. The other person assures me everything will go well, but there it is, two weeks down the road, we're fighting and/or I find something that I just can't live with.

At this moment, I'm on several dating sites and social networking sites hoping for a chance. I get replies, but after seeing my pictures, about 90% of the women head for the hills. I'm about to be 26 years old, I'm pressured for grandkids, all my friends are either in relationships or married, and here I am, alone. The only real benefit I get out of this is that I can do what I want, when I want, and I don't have to answer to anyone for it.

Having worked as an image consultant with a Master's in apllied behavior analysis-i would say with some expertise on this topic-These women on this show are really appearing to be aggressivley trying to find a man. I am also 33 and was single until this past month. What I have found for myself,clients and friends who are single-If you don't look and try so hard it is more likely to come to you. You have to have all the great qualities you want in your partner. If you can't provide that for them then you will not find someone who can provide that for you. Build up yourself and you will find that special person.

In listening to your show Single Life after 30 I hate those type of shows because they are only directed towards White Women. I really don't know what their true issue is. As a Black Women we have more issues in Finding a Man they any other race. White Women have the pick of the Litter (any race). Black Women where are the Men (any race)?