I am a mother of a 22 month old baby girl and as much as I feel overwhelmed and stressed out. All of us that have an anger illness blame it in our kids and the way our life is going and no time for anything, but there is a problem even before you had your first child and it just gets worst after you had your kids. All woman that say that they have anger problems and can't control it and keep having kids and more kids, think about yourself and don't have any more kids. For now I am not planning to have anymore kids until I feel that I can control my temper and I am capable of having another child. I feel that going to church has help me a lot with this problem, my spiritual communication with God. For those woman that feel the same please don't have anymore kids until you feel you are mentally prepared for another one. Look for God in your lives he is the only one that could change your life and trust in him. He is our doctor and plus he doesn't charge for his help like any doctor they get paid to listen and help you and most of the times after the visit they even forget your name or your problems...seek God, he is the answer and he's there to help you!!

I think putting a name on abuse and calling it anger illness is wrong and people use it as an excuse to yell at and mistreat their children. the parents use the excuse they were mistreated as a child, that is a lousy excuse. I was mistreated as a child, I was physically and mentally abused and I do NOT mistreat my daughter or yell or anything. people make choices everyday, they are chosing to be monsters just like i could chose to be if i wanted to, then use the excuse its because of my childhood. Its time people grow up and take responsibility for their behavior, no excuses.

I've been doing an awful lot of reading and found that SUGAR IS EXTREMELY BAD STUFF. It can cause anger along with some other types of foods or even chemicals that are in our foods these days. Could you please read up on Asian ways of eating. It is amazing what I've learned and have been able to change things in my life. Seriously, read more on organic type foods. I have been using a product that has been extremely helpful. Take Care & Keep Smiling. Ann

i go to school and i'm in the 8th grade and i can not control my arger and there about to hold me back cause of it and if there's any way you can help me i'll love it.............
brandy

DR.keith,
Thanks foranger illness show.i have been suffering from chronic anger. i m suffering depression from my childhood.my family is very dominating and interfairing.I have no freedom from childhood.I m now29 yrs old.I m married for one year.it was sattle marrige.I m a doctor. I m a gynocologist.When i m angry than I scream at my mother, husband. Then started to cry. i feel helpless all time,at my office and home.I cant control any stressfull condition.I want to be happy,cool women like others. please help me by medications.I would like to get your advice.pl pl pl .Maisha

Anger Illness sounds like alot of women in my family. And know im scared im going to be the same know that i am a mother. My mother has it bad and she gets into physical fights with my little sister. She says she just cant deal with her and she dosent know how to react with my sister because she gets so frusturated. If you were to see them in action you will be shocked! i have noticed my self that i blow up out of know where with my husband but i just pray i dont with my daughter. Shea olny a year old but i still worry.

I am a mother of 2. I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 4 month old. I feel frustard all the time. It's from lack of sleep. I watch them all day, then I go to work at night, I come home from work my 4month old is usally up so I just start all over again. It;s hard not to mad when u have to do sooo much and u are only 1 person. Yes I am married but my husband doesnot help, I mean he watchs them at night so I can work. but thats all. I do it all.

I want to thank you for your shows on anger illiness. Even though I have no children I still suffer all the emotional things discribed in your shows. My childhood is a direct result of my behavior and even knowing this I feel helpless to change things. My biggest problem is not being able to share my feelings with someone who actually cares. Yes I'm married. 21 yrs. That too is a problem. No emotinal support there either. Would be better off alone. Long story short, I'm an emotional trainwreck. Knowing there are others going thru the same thing help me to deal with everyday living. Thanks and God Bless

I believe i have this illness but i guess i wasn't aware of my temper until my husband pointed out to me. he told me that when i get mad i dont just get mad i get angry. i have a 11 month old baby and i try not to lose my temper with him but sometimes i yield at him and i feel like i'm going to lose it after i calm down i feel bad after all he is just a baby. my mom had this illness and i dont want to be like her i love my baby with all my heart and i dont want to hurt him....ever...thanks for adressing this topic is good to know i'm not alone

I did not see this show but reading the comments I wish that I did I have a 2 year old little girl with downsyndrome and I often find myself getting very angry at her, she is very smart and does everthing it seems, at times, to push my buttons. I was not aware that there are as many people out there that are like me... and feel better that i am not the only one (wish that a repeat of this show would play so I can get good info) I am slowly trying positive things that I can do instead of yell but seems it will be a long and tedious adventure sometimes!! That's all I can do and not give up right!!

I'll tell you what makes me angry, doctors telling us all what the problems are and the only solutions are exspensive doctors and even more exspensive medicines!
Don't you relize that the reason why this anger illness continues through the generations is because we just can't afford years and years of exspensive insurance, exspensive doctors and exspensive medicines? I know that I am not the only American living pay check to pay check! Having insurance is just tooooo exspensive!
So please continue talking about this anger illness, but maybe you could devote a week or two to the solutions to this problem. Maybe you could treat more than just one person at a time with this illness!
Please!

I feel the same way at times, but i feel overwhelmed because i do the bills,food shopping,xmas shopping,clean,do laundry,do homework,take 3 kids to sports,doctors,dentists,cook the meals and work outside the home and my husband works alot-it is harder now to be a parent!This has to be the reason so many moms feel frustrated

I have the "Anger Illness" but I am not writing this post thinking I am going to get help. I was amazed at how many posts there were and I wanted to add my name to the list so someone else out there sees how long the list is and knows they are not alone.

I am a mother of 5 children ages range from high school to 2yrs old. I cried almost through the whole show.....I could relate to every mother on stage today...How sad is that! I too love my children & would die for them. I'm tired of yelling, cussing, screaming, & yes occasionally hitting, it sucks being me! Its so draining & exhausting I grew up with both parents fighting/hitting each other. Mother was mentally ill. Father worked long hours to make ends meet & than would come home & take his anger out on us verbally & physically. I want to change.

Thank you for giving anger the name "illness". So true. My mother had it. I tried not to but did pass it on to a degree. Now I see my children as parents passing it on to my grandchildren. It distresses me greatly.
Thanks for your helpful program.

I have watched the show and I have come to see that I also struggle with the anger illness problem. I realize that I am lashing out at my son when I don't mean to. A lot of the time, when I snap on him I don't even have a reason for doing so. I don't want my son to think that I don't love him becasue I do. I just recently had a new baby and I don't want to have the same behavior with this child. Like I said I do love my children, but I do find myself being angry alot and for no reason. I don't want to take it out on my kids anymore. No child should have to go through that when they have not done anything wrong. Can you please tell me what I should do to help my family et through this so that we can live a happier life. Nita from Virginia

Dear Dr.Keith.

I know I suffer from the "Anger Illness".I'm almost mad 10 hours or more a day. My kids and my boyfriend is suffering so much from this. I frustrated b/c i do everything around the house and noone helps me after repeated asking. I work graveyard, come home to a 10 month old, almost never getting enough sleep and about 3 o'clock my 4 yr old and 8 yr old gets home from school. I know i am verbally abusing them and sometimes hitting them when I'm angry. Can you help.

Wow does this ever sound just like me. I love my kids with all my heart. I have a 8 year old girl with ADHD and a 14 month old boy. I find that my daughters hyperactive behavior pushes me over the edge. I try to catch myself before I get so angry. I tell myself, ignore the situation. Which is what my daughters therapist tells me to do. But her behavior has a hold on the entire household. How can I control my anger and get control of my daughters ADHD and anger issues?

I believe I suffer from this. But my thing is it usually shows when i get into an argument with my oldest son's dad, or whenever I have a bad day. I just be screaming my lungs off, and I get mad at my son for no reason. Any comment he happens to make at the time ticks me off. I used to see a therapist for this. Does suffering from depression trigger this as well?

I have a son who is bi polar and has extreme anger problems to the point he has been hospitalized 3 times for being homicidal and suicidal. We have 2 daughters to and i am so worried what will happen when he gets older (he is only 10 now)there are days when I lose my temper and I can't handle his illness. I was wondering if you had any advice on how to handle him and not go nuts trying it's getting harder and harder.
Thank You

hi, i am a mother of 3 girls i have 2 year old twins and a 7 month old and i am only 21 years old i had my twins at the age of 18 so i started young and sometimes i just feel like i am going to freak out because i am losing control of them and myself.i am a stay at home mom and my kids father works third shift and sleeps all day so he is not able to help me with the girls, i dont know what to do half the time i am always crying and when i yell at my kids over some stupid thing they did i feel so bad and tell them i am so sorry because i didnt mean to yell at them like that.i just dont know what to do when i get on to my kids for doing something wrong i go to spank them or say something to them they get all scared and they look at me like i am going to hurt them, i dont know why because i would never hit my kids but i guess sometimes when i get really upset at them i might scare them when i yell. dr kieth i really need some help i cant do this anymore.

Thank you for addressing a topic that obviously struck a chord in so many hearts. To those that post negative comments questioning how we could be so cruel, lose our tempers with our precious children, etc. I need to say: STOP! Please understand that we feel bad enough about it, we need your support, not judgement. I have seen a therapist about this & learned the solution for me is more support/getting a break from the role of mother; before I feel overwhelmed. I hope by sharing this others will benefit, at least know that you're not alone in the fight. Let's keep praying for each other & support, not judge, our peers.

In a way, it's good to know Im not the only one, but it's still an ugly and unnecessary behavior I most certainly would love to be without. Im 47 and my son will turn 11 in December. Sometimes the smallest little thing he does can set me off. Hubby has told him, that when Mom goes psycho, just get away, which makes me feel even worse. To the poster asking about men having it...Im with you on this one. Ive seen my hubby explode and for minor things.
So why do we suffer this? Is it because we are so busy trying to make ends meet that our patience is worn thin? Is this also the reason so many parents are doping their kids up saying they suffer from ADHD?
I believe it is. I think we are so worn out from life's struggles and worries that our children are the ones that suffer the brunt of our frustrations. This may also explain the increased in school bullying. Our children can't defend themselves from us which leads to their hurt, anger and frustrations being taken out on their classmates. Maybe parents are the ones who should take ritalin to end this vicious cycle of rage.

Are there men out there who are affected by the anger illness as well? I believe my husband is, but would like confirmation that women are not the only ones who have this disease.

Boy can I relate. I have been angry all my life. I come from a very abusive childhood and am trying so desperately not to turn that anger on my youngest daughter. I am so depressed since my oldest daughter drowned 5 months ago. I try so hard to love my remaining daughter the way she deserves but I miss her sister so much that I feel like there is a huge black cloud hanging over me that I will never escape. I cry all the time but hide it from my husband and daughter and even my family and friends. I don't wan't to go back on medication since I got off 1 month before my daughter died. I had to be on it when the baby was born because of all her health issues. I just want to feel better and not be so sad all the time. I miss my little girl so much but my baby deserves all of me. Please help.

Dr. Keith, all I can say is thank you from the bottom of my heart. I thought I was a freak! I have a 2 1/2 year old, and waited until I was 40 to have him. I love my son dearly, but at times, he makes me crazy... which I suppose can be normal for a 2 1/2 year old. I hate myself when I yell at him, because I feel so ugly and hurtful. I have never hit him, nor would I ever... I just thoroughly hate myself after I yell at him because I SEE the damage and hurt in his eyes IMMEDIATELY. I hope you will do more shows on this subject because unfortunately I missed a lot of it. Is there anything out there for us to do... maybe a good book to read (who has the time), or do we need medical help. I don't want to hurt my son mentally.

Thank you again, and God Bless you!

Hi. I am a mom of three. I was shocked that there was such an illness. How is this treated? How do you know that you suffer from it? Does it have to be directed to children or can it be anyone in the family? This was a topic with some of my friends and I wanted to know more about this. Thank you.

I want to let all the women that were on the show, that they are all in my thoughts and prayers.

I commend you for being couragous enough to share your stories.

I just watched the 2nd show about Anger Illness after seeing the spot on it on the Today show. I am pretty sure that my mother had it and I am so scared that I will also "turn" into becoming like that after my baby is born next June or gets older.

I wish they would have talked about some resources or ideas to help all the women out there who are realizing they aren't alone in this (besides medication and e-mailing the show). I am going to start looking for them on my own. It is time to stop being scared about the possibility of it and educate myself so I can prevent it before it starts.

Is there any way you can have this illness without having children? I act the same as many of theese mothers on the show, but to my own mother and sister.Help me...

I am a mother of 2 I have a daughter that is three and a son that is 15 months I have a problem with my temper and I always thought that I was more or less alone in this an that there was nothing I could do short of having someone else raise my children I get angry very quickly and most times I cant stop it I yell alot I spank some but I am very afraid that I will go over board and really hurt my children I get angry at myself and feel so dissipointed in my self that I cant stop I feel that know child should have to live like that Please help me make their life better

Dr. keith, being twenty years old, i can relate to these guest's. I treated my brother the same way growing up, and fear i may have turned him into a coward. Years later, now that I have outgrown this phase; i try my best to kindle our bond but he strongly insists on pushing me away. Seeing the show today has inspired me to be a better person. Thank you for giving me a chance to express this.

Dear Dr. Keith: You don't have to be married with children to be afflicted with anger-illness. I'm a sick, angry, unemployed, out-of-control clown with a lot of pent up hostility at some of the clowns and trolls in my newsgroup that refuse to show me the respect I deserve. I don't like being so angry but how can I stop hating them if they don't respect me? And how can I make them respect me without threatening them or telling them they're not as funny as I am?

Up until now i knew i had some sort of a problem, but i didn't know what. Everyone was telling me that is was me, not my kids. Now i finally believe them. I have two sons. They are three years old and the youngest is one. I constantly lose my temper with both of them. I scream and yell at the top of my lungs at them over the smallest things. They can do the smallest things and i completely lose it with them. I love my children more than anything in this world and i don't know why i am this way with them. They are my life. Please help me get through this so my family can have a normal mom and life. Thanks!

I saw the show for the first time today, and couldn't beleive how many women out there go through the same thing as me. I just sat and cried like crazy. I have three girls and a wonderful husband, but I loose my control and temper with my kids that it really just eats me up. It is like the other lady said, something just snaps inside me.I sometimes get so mad at my oldest, who is 8 that I ended up getting right in her face and yelling and cursing and acting like a total fool when she won't listen. I lose alot of my control with the 2 yr old because she just sits and whines and throws fits and no matter what I do, it doesnt get any better. What I think really sets me off is my kids are different with my husband then they are with me. We decipline the same ways, but they see me differently. My husband tries to help, but I think he is at his limit with my temper too. It is getting so bad that I am seeing my oldest lose her temper with her sisters. I wish I knew what do to and could be the calm mom that my kids would love to have. PlEASE HELP!
Carla

I watched both episodes of the anger illness and my heart just stopped, not because I suffer from it but because my husband does. Unfortunetly I'm the one who gets yelled at and called names because of his anger illness. He explodes even if I left the light on in the bathroom. I know he suffered a whole lot because of his father's abuse of alcohol and multiple infidelities during his childhood which his father would take him in some occasions and what made him suffer even more that it was done against his mother. Also his parents basically abandoned him at a young age for a while. Then his ex left him and now she doesn't let him have any contact with his two children he had with her. He bottles everything up, it's very hard for me to connect with him many times and when I do it's always wrong timing and he explodes and gets into these rages and insults me, yells at me for everything and anything. I pray to God he gets help and I tell him he should but he says I'm the one who needs help because I don't do anything right according to him.

hello dr. keith, i just love your show.i have watched both your shows on anger illness,and i have two children and they are both growen now,but i did the same thing to them when they where growing up as the women on your show,i did not realize i was doing these things when the kids where younger but now that they are growen i see the damage i have caused them, my mother was badly abused as a child by more than one parent,and she abused myself when she raised me not to the extent that she was but bad enough i was very angery as a child and carried it into adulthood but it wasnt just the lack of correct attention from my mom but i was also raped several different people during my childhood one was a family member and the one of the other ones the system let him go and the other one was a good friend of my parents and one was my husband with my first marriage,so i had a lot of built up anger i always said i would not do the same to my children that my mother did and i would change the patern,well i did sort of i traded pysical and mental abuse for yelling and calling names which was not good. now one of my children has children 4 of them and has failed relationships and a lot of anger,and he lives with us with his next to the youngest child of his and his childs mother that is mentally handicaped she has all kids of problems that make her angery all the time and i am affraid of what might happen to her in all this my son doesnt see his problem and no one will help me with the problem with the mother as well,so i hope more people watch your show and start getting help for there anger illness before they wind up in my shoes i love my children with all my heart.thank you eyes2weep

What these moms are describing, sounds alot like me. I can't help but cry when I watch that on tv. I need to stop yelling at and arguing with my 6 y/o daughter. She's a beautiful, happy child, and a good girl. I am soo blessed to have her in my life, and I tell her that every day! But I feel that I may be starting to loose her respect. My husband and I have been talking about it, and I'm trying to stop yelling at her and arguing with her. It took me years to have a healthy baby and my life revolves around her. I love her more than life itself. I don't want to hurt her, or give her any emotional scars.
From listening to what you on the show, I think I may be depressed and I am sure that I have a lot of pent up emotions about my past. My doctor has also told me that my hormones will probably always be out of wack because of the fertility drugs and hormonal issues that I had getting pregnant. This is not an everyday problem, but it does happen regularly. I snap about stupid things. I know when I'm being unreasonable, but can't stop. It used to only be an occassional problem for my husband only, but since my daughter has been in school, it's escalated to a more frequent problem. Sometimes my husband will try to back me out of the situation and take over. He can be a great help. He's generally very passive about discipline. He calms down and collects his thoughts before he speaks, and will let the kids (he has two grown children from a previous marriage) help decide what should be done. I admire that in him. She and I talk a lot. She is my only child and the only child living at home. She's very smart and mature for her age, and we have some pretty grown up talks. I am always honest with her. Then I argue with her and expect her to respect me.
What can I do to resolve my moodiness and better control my anger?

I have recongnized my anger illness and want to do something about it. I just wish my husband would do the same. My kids are suffering and so am I and he doesn't realize it. How can i get him to see there is this issue and he has it too.
As we can all see, there are alot of us out there who are dealing with this, and our precious children are suffering and learning this very ugly pattern. We wonder why our children grow up to be the way there are.
I hope all of us who have this illness, do something about it for the sake of our children.

Hi Dr.Keith Today, nov-09-06 we have watch your show about anger illness, and my fiancee has the samething. We'd see eachother. I've been call all kinds of names for as long as we've known eachother, and she's getting angry very easy. She can only talk about things and get angry just like that. Please Dr.Keith can you help us to,or how to overcome this illness? Thank you somuch. Roy.

I saw your segment on the Today show today, and then got to see your show. I have to admit, I have the anger illness. I took the quiz and answered yes to all of them. I am so thankful that now I have a name to what has been happening to me. I actually went to my doctor about 4 years ago, and she just said that I was too stressed from my job. I am now a stay at home mom of 3 kids and I babysit for 3 other kids to help supplement lost income. My husband is very demanding, and also looses his temper and gets angry if the house isn't spotless every day. There are days that I just feel so alone and worthless. My anger comes from nowhere and I try very hard not to personalize it onto my daughters, but I know that they are hurting as well. Thank you so much for your show. I will be checking into different treatment options for this illness. Do you have any suggestions where to start?

Hey Dr. Keith,
I am I guess you could say suffering from the same thing the "Anger Illness. I at times get so frustrated that I put my 3 month old in her bed because I can't deal with her because I get so annoyed and angry so fast. I feel the same as alot of these women that I feel guilty for it. When I was younger I had therapy for depression along with some other things. But, I didn't feel that it was helpful. I wish you could let me know what I can do that is affordable. Thanks for you "Anger Illness" episodes!!!
Thanks, Tasha

I too broke down and cried when I saw your show. I have 2 daughters 5 and 7 I am divorced from thier father and remarried, my husband is a Major in the US Army and currently deployed to Iraq.
I loose my patience and yell and scream at my 7 year old almost everyday. I have the Anger Illness. I was 33 when I had my first daughter and before that every job I ever had I did to perfection I would never do a halfbaked job at anything. I believe raising children has been my biggest challenge,the tuffest job I ever had. I understand now you can't do a perfect job, children are children and cannot always have perfect behavior. Their bad behavior makes me feel like a failure. It is so important to me to have well behaved respectful clean children. I loose sight of the fact that they are CHILDREN and cannot be perfect like a report or project. I already have learned so much just reading other moms stories and watching the show. I read the ten steps and have it printed out to refer to everyday. Life is stressful yes but we need to learn to deal with it, maybe not take it so seriously laugh more and let things roll off our backs. Oh and seek help!!!!! God Bless !!!

Dr. Keith,
I saw your show on anger illness today and I know I need help. I feel like I am two people. I feel like for the most part I am a real good person. Then comes this other guy. One minute I am great to be with. Then the slightest thing sets me off. I wish I could stop being this way. My partner at work says I need to take mytal.
People close to me make coments all the time. I just say they don't understand,but deep down I know they are right. I have a lot of issues from the past and should probably be on some kind of medacine. I'm just too afraid to face these things. After watching your show I know I need to.please direct me.
Sincerely
Bob Lee

I caught the last 3rd of your show on 'Anger illness' today and I want to see more. I need tools. I blow up at the most minor provocation and it's like I watch myself doing it and can't stop until I'm spent. My child is 4 and I'm single and I feel myself alternately yelling at her and pushing her away because I'm afraid that I'll intimidate and scare her if I give vent to my feelings. How do I discipline her and let her know I love her at the same time? How do I learn not to take her little foibles personally? I KNOW she doesn't want to irritate me ever, but I forget that fact when I'm angry. She's so good and I look at her and see the same apprehension that I had when dealing with my mother and I want SO badly to guide her lovingly and not discipline through fear. I don't think this is how normal mothers are. And I feel like a fraud too because everybody says how well-behaved she is and what a good mother I must be and I know that all the good in her is pretty much innate, and I feel like I'm ruining her instead of benefitting her. Help me.

Dr. Keith,

I, like many of the others posted feel I suffer from Anger Illness as well, and I watched your show because advice from a friend. My only problem is, Yeah, you showed that there are people out there suffer from this illness, but really didn't give any guidance on how to stop it. Where or Who do we turn too? So, realistically I have identified my problem, but STILL don't know what to do about it!! Some insight on this would help me and probably alot of other mothers who don't where to start!

It's good to know that there's a name for what I have had all my life until1993 when my Father,my Grandmother and my best friend all died within months of each other.To make a long story short,I was put on Zoloft for the depression and it calmed me down enough to know that I had a real problem with my anger and I got therapy.
Now I see the same thing in one of my daughters-in-law.Therapy helped me sooo much- my whole outlook on life has changed.I FEEL good.I only wish I had known sooner, my children would have been much happier. Now I'm trying to make it up with 6 beautiful grandchildren. Donna

Dr. keith,
I saw the second show on anger illness and I can identify with all the women on your show.I've been through all those stages.Now I find myself anger with the world and every one in it.The anger has hadicaped me with family and socity.I have no value for my life, or anyone eles when I have a fit of rage.God sent me a magnificent man and children and hurting them and it's killing me.I can feel the anger bubbeling inside my body I also feel something building between me and the world. I need a recomondation of a good Dr. that takes my insurance. I need to get to the bottom of this torture and get cured. I like spirituality and holistic care,I'm open to almost anything.This is the first time I'v ever wrote anyone.I didn't know I could until I sat down, it just started flowing.Thank you for being you, for being a great messenger.Bless you.

I am watching the 2nd Anger Illness show as I type this and I totally relate to the other women. I have always had issues with anger all through my life and my family even comments on it. I never knew that there was a name let alone others suffered. I became a mother for the first time last year and my beautiful little girl is one years old. I find myself getting very frustrated and I feel like a horrible mother at times, I am very grateful to now know I am not alone and that I can nip this anger issue in the bud before my daughter grows up and I end up throwing my anger fits towards her and hurting her emotionally. Thank You so much Dr. Keith Ablow for discussing the controversal issue and enlightening those who don't understand.

anyone who has experience and has overcome this please post advice, I also suffer and need help.

Have you ever wanted to stop this anger so much you ache? I cry daily once the kids are gone and my husband has left. I cry because I want to be a better person, yet as soon as my oldest (which is my step daughter that I've raised) walks in the door I immediatly start yelling. I even tell myself "I'm not going to yell today" and yet I do. I explode over the slightest thing. I've noticed that now my kids are yelling ans screaming over the slightest things too. My husband says it is my fault and I know this but I don't know how to stop. He is wonderful and tries to take over for me but I hold on to the anger and let loose when he's not around. I once heard my sister tell my cowoker that I am a totally different person at home than I am at work. I denied it to them but secretly I knew it was true. I'm a nurse and a very caring and commpassionate one, co-workers think I 'm this wonderful and sweet person, yet at home I'm a monster to my family. The longer it goes on the worse it gets. I don't know what to do. Please Help! It hurts mentally and physically.

Andrea

I honestly didnt know I was not alone in this. If there is anyone who can identify with this it is most definately me, I have a 3 and 5 year old who are absolutely adorable, sweet, and inocent, in spite of how much evil they have been exposed to in their young lives, I am 25, been married almost 7 years, since we were both 18, he has been in the military just as long and much of the time I am alone, completely alone, with my kids and though physically they are completely safe, emotionaly and mentally its gotten to the point I dont feel that they are safe around me. I understand all the reasons I am this way because its how I was raised, but unfortunately, my parents both are worse now than they were when I was a kid, they are both drug addicts and we dont have much of a relationship at all anymore because I cant trust them w my kids and i dont even want my kids to know them how they are now. I dont live near any of my family and dont talk to them very often and I dont have any friends because when i do find one, i find things i dont like about them and soon enough we lose contact, its impoosible to have good relationships when you dont have any respect for yourself first. I do not know what to do in my own life, ive tried med. for depression recently but saw no improvement in my moods i am willing to try again but its so hard for me to talk to military docters because they look at it as a weakness and sometimes even threaten your husbands career at the mention of this unspoken issue, i mean after all, we have to be strong for the men in uniform, we cant have any issues of our own because that isnt supporting them. I really believe that most of the talk of supporting our military is just that-talk-not reality-maybe I have 2 many issues to even pinpoint but I do know one thing, I need help, and no matter what or who things less of me for it, I am going to get it, for my children and future grandchildrens sake

I casually turned the tv on while getting dressed and was struck by the show on anger. There was a clip of a woman speaking to her children and she sounded just like how I used to sound often and now, thankfully, only very occasionally. My daughter used to have nightmares where I was a bear threatening her and I know that is because my anger was so frightening. Now that she is older, 8, she can tell me that my anger is frightening her. I decided to go on antidepressants when she was 5 and that changed everything. I used to feel this rising anger that would make me explode. I would know that it was coming but couldn't or didn't want to stop it. Thanks to the medication, my daughter and I have a great relationship and I have noticed that SHE is no longer angry (she had started to become unreasonably angry which is what led me to medicating myself before she would need it). Thanks for helping people without being condesending or judgmental. I will continue to watch the program (this was my first time seeing it).

I feel very embarassed and very sad to be writing this. I saw the Today Show clip. I feel I do have an anger problem. I do sometimes lose control of my temper with my kids. I seem to be yelling at them daily and saying things I regret. I believe they don't have any respect for me at all. I feel like they do things to get me mad because I make them mad when I punish them. I feel they like are alway on punishment for misbehaving or talking back. Now they have starting swearing at each in the home. They said they get that me me. I will not tolerate they using swear words in my home or in my presence.

I am a single mother who has had many bad relationships , I used to go overboard and yell and scream at my kids , until I was on my way to work one night and I stopped to assist in a vehicle accident , where I pulled a 19 year old girl , from her car , where her 2 friends left her dead . She was only 19 , I started to see that you never now what tomorrow will bring , and life is too short . I changed and so can anyone .

Yeah thats how i felt angrey and always trying to do stuff i dont want to i know how u feel!

I ALSO BELIEVE, I HAVE AN ANGER ILLNESS. I AM 19 YEARS OLD WITH A LITTLE GIRL THAT IS ABOUT TO BE TWO.I SAY I HAVE THE ILLNESS BECAUSE I CAN NOT CONTROL MY ANGER WHEN SHE DOESN'T LISTEN OR DOES AS I SAY. I SCREAM AND ALMOST WANT TO CRY BECAUSE I'M SO ANGRY. I WANT TO STOP THE SCREAMING BUT IT DOESN'T, AFTER IT I FEEL LIKE I'M A BAD MOTHER. BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT, I'M SCARED TO TALK ABOUT MY ANGRE PROBLEM TO MY FAMILY AND ESPECIALLY TO MY HUSBAND. I NEED HELP, THANK YOU!

i just seen the clip for the anger show and was brought to tears. All i could think was my god I am going to be these woman if I dont get some help soon!

Dear Dr. Keith,
My name is Amy and I have 2 children, girl 10, boy 4. I believe my daughter has a lot of anger problems, she has been an angry child since she was 2 yrs old. I have recently left the father of my children and my daughter is with my mother for one month. I dont know what to do to help my child be happy. My daughter does not trust me or her dad for a lot of reasons and I want to change that and be the parent my children need. We have lost our home because my husband quit his job, again. It happens every year and my children have been through more than what most adults go through in a lifetime and I dont know what else to do. I cant allow them to be hurt anymore. If you have any advise, please let me know. Thank you

Your show made me cry...right away I knew I suffer from this illness, the same as my mother did and I want help. I don't want to be this way with my children. My son is also to the point where he is also angry and my daughter is starting to pick up on it. Please help me.

I spent a number of years of my life being very angry; from being an angry teen to having children and then being an angry wife and mother. Some time passed, and then I became an angry single-parent.

After a number of years in therapy, treatment for depression, and then finally wanting (DESIRING) something different, I have finally begun to heal and to change.

Battling the issue of anger is not (I REPEAT, NOT) easy!!

Recognizing the issue(s) to be addressed, and then having the strong desire to change are two of the first steps in the recovery of this significant issue, just like an alcoholic or drug addict.

I want to assure/reassure all of the people out there who are struggling with this anger issue that CHANGE CAN HAPPEN. I am living testimony that the issues can be addressed, and the anger can be managed. You can affect change in your life, and the lives of your families, if you want it badly enough.

Do not stop short of getting help for yourselves and your families. Acknowledge that "TO ACT IS TO SHOW YOUR LOVE TO YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILIES"!!!

To ignore the problem is to fall deeper into it all...

To anyone out there seeking relief of an anger issue, may I make a simple suggestion. This applies to those with insurance and without:

Get professional help, no matter the time it takes to do so. You and your families will benefit from any help you can get for this, and the strength you can provide to others as a testimony will prevail for a lifetime.

Even county mental health clinics work with your financial situation... Churches and local groups can offer additional counseling programs and support to you.

Imagine, if you will, that you could help others someday. Someone out there needs to know they are not alone in this battle.

I would recommend to anyone with an anger issue that they get counseling to address the issue. Be the person who breaks the cycle. Seek change!!!

**hugs**

As a retired Registered Nurse who had both anger and severe depression, and have had counseling since my 30's and at 38 was hospitalized after a severe side effect to prozac and wellbutrin prescribed after my father's death, I have seen both psychiatrists and counselors on a routine basis since my late 30's. I am now 54 and was just diagnosed 2 years ago with bipolar 2. I always thought I had severe PMS but never knew that the problem I had with antidepressants was mania. I thought I was dying, it was the worst fear I ever had and it was called at the time a panic disorder. Nurses asked during my hospitalization if I was Bipolar, but when I spoke with the psychiatrist at that time he felt I wasn't. I was seen for years by Psychiatrists in a med clinic who would just not give me any antidepressants or tried and the same thing happened.It wasn't till the antidepressent lexapro (that I still take), stopped working in my opinion, that I found my problem was a mood disorder. Because I only became hypomanic I needed a second and 3rd opinion to finally diagnose bipolar 2. There should be more literature about this, and it should be dealt with on TV as seperate from Bipolar 1, since this often effects women and goes along with their menstrual periods. If I had been diagnosed when my kids were younger their lives would have been so much easier. Also my son who was felt to have ADD since 5,( after a developmental lag), showed the same mood disorder on antidepressents. I am not requesting advise, but this would be a great topic to add to a show on women with ADD and anger because the counselor that finally diagnosed me, said the symptoms are so similar. I am now on lamictal and it basically has saved my life.Please help others by getting this topic out.

I saw a little snip of the anger show. All I could do was cry uncontrolably. Just that little bit and I saw myself. I get angry real quick at both my children. I fell as though this is what's wrong with my 6 year old now in school. He gets angry a lot, an at others when things go wrong or not his way. I try to help him control it but how can I do that when I can not control it myself. I did not get to see your show. So I do not know what to do. Now I am scared my youngest is going to be the same way if things don't change. If you can please help me for my childrens sake and let me know what to do or where to go for help!!! I live in NC. I will be ever so greatful and so will my children. I am at the point now where I am throwing things and hitting walls. I love my children so much, and I hate myself for this. I do feel like I am a bad mother!!! PLEASE HELP!!!!!!

O"May you hit the nial on the head. I have the same anger illnes. I had me frist child at the age of 32. And 13 mouth later was with twines. I had the twines at 30 weeks. And the girl past away. So I have to son's. I sould be happy. But, I'am not!!
Because I'am ANGER ALL THE TIME!!!!! And I do not know what to do about it... Is there something I can do?

Thank You,
SO ANGER!!1

I didn't see this episode but my sister did and told me that it was how I described what I was going through with my children. I fell the exact way as all of the other mothers. Why can't I control myself? I am afraid I am going to emotionally and/or physically hurt them and I love them more than anything else in the world! I count to ten, seperate myself but nothing works when I'm in one of my moods which can turn in a heartbeat. My gynocologist said that I am understandably anxious having two small children but I don't think this is what a normal loving mother feels or does. What can I do?

Dr.Keith thank you for defining the anger illness, i suffered from this for years raising my children. Always thought i was a horrible person, screaming, yelling, at my kids for no reason, thank you for shedding light on this subject, diane

I did not see the show but when reading these posts I know I could have related with it. I have read some of these and some have mentioned medication to handle the anger. I am wondwring what meds have helped?? I have been on depression meds and none of these have helped with my anger. Any help with this would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Traci

when will the anger illness episode feature on TV for New york? I dont see any dates anywhere on your web site that say this or for that matter any other episode with the date showing on the TV. where can i find the dates?

Dr. Keith, I wish I had seen this episode of your show. It seems maybe I too have this problem. And it is a problem. I did grow up watching my mom act like I do now, and when I think back on how scared I was I can't believe I do it to my kids. My husband is constantly telling me I need anger management. I cried just reading many of the previous comments because I feel like I am not alone, but at the same time I do not have access to any kind of help for financial reasons! Say what you will, but money is what makes the world go round! One thing I will never forget growing up is the look of my mother shaking in anger as she screamed into my face and spit hitting my checks, "What do you want me to do....slit my throat? Would that make everything better?" Obviously not, but that is the one thing I never want to say to my kids. My mom doesn't remember ever saying those kinds of things now, while I believe her, I know she said them many times, and I believe she was so enraged it somehow has been blocked out. I don't want to loose my family because of this, and I hate myself more times than not because of it!

WOW!! I am so proud to say that I was apart this show on Anger Illness. I am amazed at the response this show has received. I as well thought I was the only person who had a problem like this. That it was specific to my emotional distress or that maybe I was a bad mom. I am in awe and tears as I have read every single blog on here. I feel your pain and your sorrow and identify with every single one of you. I am still struggling with this issue. Malyssa and I have entered into counseling and it is a daily effort to not "blow up into rage" with my family. My other two children that live at home have commented that they are seeing a difference. An awareness has presented itself to me and my family that this is an illness, a disease. A disease that can be controlled with counseling and a lot of work. It took me 36 years to get here and will not go away in one day. I have my ups and downs since the show. I thank Dr. Keith so very much for his taking the time to listen to me and my daughter. To interact with us in a way that I felt that I was not a bad person and forever condemmed as a horrible mom. I know I am a good mom and I would do anything for all 4 of my children. I just wish I had know about this years ago as my oldest ones Jeremy and Josh(twins) are almost 22 and my son James is 15 almost 16. This would have made such a difference in our relationships and how we relate to each other. I have received so much positive feedback from friends and peers. I have had total strangers come up to me in the grocery store or at the mall saying they saw the program and they suffer the same illness. I encourage you to seek help. It is never too late.

Renee Walton

Thank you for having a show on this topic!

For 30 years I suffered from anxiety & depression, but it wasn't me who really suffered. It was my family and friends.

Recently, I had 40+ moderate to severe panic attacks in 30 days. It terrified me so much I made an appointment with my doctor. After only 3 days of taking a small dose of an anti-anxiety/anti-depression medication, I and everyone around me saw a new person. Anger is no longer an issue, and life means living.

I give much praise and thanks to God, my husband, my family and Lexapro.

I see this show really hit it home with so many people.
The first woman on your show just a mirror image of me.. I blow up at my children for no reason.. I do get frustrated when I ask them to do something and they just look at me.. I think it's perpetuated by the fact that when daddy says something they listen.. and it's usually with a stern voice. I try to mimic that action and it gets me nowhere but angry and yelling more.
Thanks for that show!

I saw you on the Today Show (web site) and applaud you for your interview with that pedophile. Thought I'd take a look at your web site and am amazed that anger is being called "an illness". I thought anger was an emotion. I hope that you prescribe anger management courses to your patients and viewers, not medication to cover the "illness". It seems that many emotions are catagorized as illness, thus the illness has to be treated by medication. Aren't people responsible for their emotions anymore? It's okay to feel anger. It's how we act on the emotion that is important. I hope that you are advocating anger management classes, and not having your patients blame their words/actions on the "illness".

This is crazy...can there be this many people with an "anger illness"??? I saw a lot of myself, or how I used to be, in some of the women on the show. I suffered with severe panic disorder for years. Medication now has it under control, and also controls my anger. Everyone tells me I have the "patience of a saint" in dealing with my five children, and three stepchildren, at age 31...but they don't know what I have been through to get here. I am glad, for my kids sakes, that I am not the raging maniac that I was before I had them...and I actually thank God for my panic attacks, because in getting help for them, it controlled the anger too....I think that maybe some of the guests could benefit from exploring what is underneath and if there are any other "mental" illnesses fueling this "anger illness"

I cried last night after watching your show about "anger illness" while holding my youngest daughter while she slept. I can relate to the all the ladies you had on your show and then the ladies who posted their experiences before mine on this website. Two days ago I called my husband (we are separated at the moment & have plans for our DIVORCE), who lives five states away and asked him to raise our kids. He knows about my temper and over the years of our marriage has never understood. He would say that I was “Weak” in not controlling my temper. My husband has never said why he left me, I can only speculate that it was because of my temper. I know over the years that he feared I would hurt one of our three kids. I love my kids soooo much that I am willing to let them be raised without their mother for how many years necessary for me to over come/beat this problem of anger. I have been through therapy and have taken many antidepressants but nothing has ever really helped the spontaneous rage that would transform me from loving mother to a terrifying witch so quickly. Like others who wrote to you, my sweet kids walk on egg shells everyday wondering when will be the next time I’ll blow up. I know I hurt my kids when I see them unite and care for each other when my anger rages out of control. I feel like I’m locked inside myself, seeing and hearing what I’m doing and unable to stop myself. I cry after I am done yelling at my kids. I lock myself away from them and tell my self I’ll never do something so stupid again. Why does it keep happening to me? I have gotten to the point of believing my husband and that I am “Weak”. I’ll be trying my best over the next week to love and care for my kids before they leave with their father. I only wish I could have had someones help before it got to this point.

I am a 21 years old and i have one child whom i adopted. She is 3 now. I have had her sence she was 13 months old. I have realized in the past year that i have anger issues. I get SO angry over little things and i dont know why. I cry all the time b/c i feel like such a horribal mother. Its the feeling of being so angry and depressed all the time thats the problem. Is there anything or anyone who can help me?? Deeg.

i watched your show the other day about anger illness and all i could do was cry because it sounds so like me and i am scared that my anger will get worse. cept i dont just yell at my kids i feel like i am pulling myself away from them cause i hate myself for what i do to them. i try so hard not to yell and i know its effecting them cause my oldest tells me she doesnt like it when i yell cause it scares. she reminds me so much of myself when i was a kid. i wasnt yelling at my kids as bad till i would say about a year ago. things just seemed to get more stressful and i always told myself that i didnt want to repeat the cycle. i would try too hard that i feel i am already doing so. i also feel like i have tried so hard that i have lost myself trying to become someone that i didnt want to be that i cant find my way anymore. i dont even know what to do except cry and its hard to tell anyone cause i dont want people thinking i am a bad mom. i know there are times when i do lose control and and i just want to lock myself in a room and i dont want to be near my kids at all. when i get like that i feel numb and i feel like that is getting worst cause i havent been talking to no one! to be honest i am scared cause i dont want my kids to hate me. that is one of my greatest fears.

I apparently have this anger illness and yes, I do treat it with medicine BUT after watching your show yesterday, I think you missed the mark on the three young boys. What you should have told them is to get up off their butts and help out. This was a single mother and they were not pulling their weight at all. By putting all the blame on her, they seem to think it's alright to ignore her and not help out around the house. When no one listens- you have to holler to make sure someone hears you.
I agree that this anger is an illness and needs to be treated but maybe not all the change needs to be hers.

I thought the show on anger illness was ridiculous. I believe that the mother of the five year old little boy was just dealing with her son's illness and the knowing that he will not live long. Because of that, she has put up walls to keep herself from getting too close because she fears loving him so much and then losing him. It was stupid that it is seen as anger illness and has to do with her childhood. The black woman with the three sons is struggling to raise three boys on her own. That causes a lot of stress. On top of that, she works hard all day and comes home to find them sitting around and her house a mess. As she said, she has to yell to get them to listen. They don't take her seriously if she isn't yelling. Their actions show lack of respect for her and for the home she works hard to provide for them. The solution is for them to do their share and help their mom out. It has nothing to do with the mother's childhood! It was dumb of Dr. Keith to keep saying that the "Anger Illness" came from things that happened to them in their childhood. Also, living with anger in your childhood does not cause anger illness. Anger in your childhood just causes anger to be a learned behavior. It's what you saw from your parents so it is what you have learned to do. It is LEARNED behavior and it is a choice one makes. I delt with much abuse and violence in my childhood but I don't treat my daughter that way. It is a choice! NOT AN ILLNESS!

I grew up feeling like Alice in Wonderland. My Mother has severe anger issues and to this day my siblings think she was normal. I have fought my anger issues for years and learned to stuff them down so I wouldn't do to my kids what was done to me. It's good to know my efforts, mostly successful, were worth it.

Dear Dr. Keith,
After watching your show yesterday, I wonder now if this anger illness is what I have been trying to deal with for years. I don't have kids because I don't want my kids to grow up like I did, listening to my parents argue constantly. I know every relationship I have been in hasn't worked and I know it's my fault, I grew up listening to the continous fussing and fighting of my parents that I suppose I think that is what relationships are suppose to be. I have seen time when I would get so upset at friends and go home and cry about how I acted, why did I do that or say that? I would think, ok tomorrow I am going to apologize, but to see them the next day, it was like that anger was still so deep inside me that again I would become like this demon. I truly hate myself for acting this way. I know I have so much anger built up inside me, at times I will even hit things. The nightmares won't leave me alone, and honsetly I feel like I'm drowning in my own private hells. I don't want to do anything or go anywhere. I know my mom never had a good life and it seems she always made a differnce between me and my twin sister, because she enjoyed the make-up and dressing up and I was the one who enjoyed sports. When my brother passed away my mom actually told me "THAT I would start dressing up and being the lady I was suppose to be". I never did tell my mother how much that effected me and now it's to late, she passed away three weeks ago. I want so much to be able to live life and have a relationship, to have the happiness others around me seem to have and yet sometimes I wonder why God even put me here. My doctor says that you always hurt the ones closest to you, but I don't want to hurt anyone because I am so miserable. Please help me Dr. Keith.

Hello, I am a 33 year old mother of 3 girls ages, 14, 10 and soon to turn 12. For the longest time now I have been battling to control my temper with my kids. It is a bit strange that my temper is this bad particularly because my home life growing up was rather normal. I wonder though if this is due to depression because eventhough my childhood was rather average I remember always feeling sad, and unloved eventhough I wasn't. On the surface, to other people, I always put on a happy face but on the inside I just wanted to cry. So at night, I would cry myself to sleep almost every night. After the birth of my first daughter, it was like the switch flipped from sad to angry and I was not very nice to my baby. I used to be physical with her but after a lot of self talk, and a promise I made to myself to not hit, I pretty much stopped that aspect of my rage. Although, there have been a few instances where I just act before I realize what happened and I have to retrain myself not to hit. My biggest concern with this is my kids and the way they behave. They all yell and scream and loose their temper and they can be quite physical with each other when they get mad. It is especially hard for me to enforce not yelling or hitting when I am the cause of their behavior. I have been slowly improving on how I react. I have to be extremely conscious of my emotions, telling myself contastanly that I must control myself. Sometimes it works and sometimes not. Another concern of mine is that often, to avoid yelling at my kids, I avoid them altogether. I really don't know what it is that triggers this anger. I could be having the best day ever, happy, chearfull, and carefree and then as soon as the kids walk in the door it's like BOOM! World War III has just errupted in my livingroom. Low-self esteme, irregualr sleep patterns (I sleep more during the day than at night) etc., it's all there. I tell my husband that there are times where I just feel like running away, I'd rather hermit myself in my bedroom and avoid the whole thing than actually have to subject my kids to my screaming. My husband, as sweet as he is doesn't understand. He has been working in Iraq as a civilian contract worker for the past 2 years and has been home on average 2 to 3 times a year for no more than 10 days at a time. I am so happy when he's here, I let him be the diciplinarian, and I don't have to be yelling all the time. I keep telling him that I feel so alone and rather isolated and he thinks that I choose to be this way on purpose. One of his mottos is "everything is a choice." I try to explain that the way I feel is not by choice but the more I try the more I get frustrated with his own lack of understanding. It bleeds over towards the girls of course, but when that happens I just vent out ranting out my frustrations about their dad verbally (which isn't good either). I don't know, the whole thing just seems rather complicated. More than anything I just feel like I need to be understood and your show sure did strike a chord. I would most definately appreciate any advice you might have for me.

Thank You Dr. Keith for recognizing that this isn't just me choosing to have a bad temper all the time.

Veronica

I surprised by three children (ages 4, 11, and 14) with a trip yesterday. We went for what should of been a memorable hike looking at the beautiful fall colors. Instead, my children fought most of the time and took the enjoyment out of it. This may not seem like a huge deal to some but to me it was. You see I am a single mother. I usually work seven days a week. Most of my family has passed away. My closest relative is four hours away. I have friends who help when they can but they all have busy lives of their own. My ex-husband sees our children only two days a month even though he lives five minutes away. Because I work so many hours, I want to make the most of my time with my children. When our trip turned into one argument after another between my children I let them know how disappointed I was and how I thought they didn't respect me enough. My son watched the Dr. Keith show today and told me that he thought our family seemed like some on the show especially the one with the three boys. I find myself yelling at my boys a lot over their chores. They also fight with each other over chores on a daily basis. Every five minute chore in my house seems to cause an hours worth of fighting. I sympathized with the mother of three children. She also seemed frustrated at a lack of a cleaned and organized home. She felt terribly guilty over yelling at her kids and I do at times as well. BUT----something I noticed on the show and also reading the blogs is that most of these women are over stressed. There isn't enough time in the day to do it all and for many there is no one to help----especially single parents. I would like to tell the last mom on the show that I can tell she is a good mom. Her boys should help out more and try to make things easier on the family. Friends, neighbors, and families can make a huge difference by supporting these families emotionally. I do think children suffer from the stresses of a hectic life including having a loving parent be short-tempered. I wish these families well and hope to do better with my own children. Dr. Keith mentioned getting help for these parents. I think many parents would appreciate another show on techniques to help correct these outbursts and remain calm in the worst of trying times. My community has little to offer when it comes to parenting support. I wish there were more support groups out there because not everyone has the insurance or money for counseling.

I, like many of the women who have posted thus far, can totally relate to this topic. I have a 10 month old baby, and while I sometimes get frustrated when she gets whiney, I have not lost it with her... but with my husband on the other hand, it is a different story. I have frequently lost control of my anger with my husband and I can also recall losing my temper with my mom and my brother when I was younger. My mom and I would get into physical fights (I think this is when it began) when I was as young as 12. I actually gave her a black eye - that haunts me to this day. I physically abused my little brother and in turn he has landed himself in prision - undoubtedly due to his struggles with this anger illness. He, too, has described these sypmtoms to me. So now we move on... or at least try. I have come a million miles from where I used to be, but I still have much further to go. Perhaps I don't give myself enough credit? Seeing this episode today brought it all back to me and, while it is somewhat reassuring that there is a name for this illness and distress, I fear that this cycle will continue on to my daughter. She is so beautiful and special to me, I cannot let that happen. I know, though, that one day she is going to talk back to me and I might just lose it. She diserves better - and so does my husband, for that matter, so do I. What can I do to prevent something like this from possibly reoccuring. By the way, my husband is great, he knows that I have these struggles and he is in it for the long haul - sometimes I can only wonder why.

Dr. Keith,
I have been diagnost with several conditions depression,agoraphobia,personality disorders,etc. And after seeing your show I think a root cause is the anger illness.Does it have a name my therapist would know of besides the anger illness.Because what those women said describes what I have been telling my therapist for years.Thanks for any information.

This show really hit home today. I have no kids myself, but I was raised by someone who had extreme anger issues and yelled alot. I have had the hardest time learning to not scream in rage over stupid stuff.

Wow, this is unreal, I can't believe how many people posted in response to this subject. I have always felt so alone with my 'out of control' anger problem, & then so incredibly guilty everyday because I know it's damaging my son's emotional health. I tell myself at the end of everyday, as I lay there & can't sleep because I feel so guilty, that tomorrow I will not act that way, I will scream & yell & act out of control towards my son. But I cannot control it, it's an emotional roller coaster ride & it's so unfair to my child. My blood boils at the most ridiculous things & my child walks on egg shells around me! He's afraid of how I will react & I can see it in his eyes, it's so sad. Why am I like this? I try so hard to make everyday a new day, but everyday I lose it! I'm like a ticking time bomb & my fuse grows shorter everyday... I am a single parent who struggles financially as well, so psychologists and therapists are not an option. How can we help ourselves & help our children recover from this? There must be some techniques, besides medicating, which can help us help ourselves...

I'm just heartbroken about this show. So many fractured families...I'd dearly like to become a mother some day, but that seems likely to only be a dream for my husband and me...that is my fondest dream...and I could barely supress the urge to hug my cats closer, wishing I could bring some more love into those children's hearts. I hope the parents realize what lifelong scars they are inflicting on their children and move forward hand in hand.

Dr Ablow, I thankyou for your show anger illness. I like most of the women on your show today have battled with the illness since my early tweties. Off course, this behavoir was learned from my father who had a major drinking . I was called names and yelled at constanlty for no reason. Futher more I was problem attacked at 15 . I am afraid that I
am turning into my father. At time I come home and snap at at my boyfriend for no reason whatsoever. I have been on and of antidepressants since 25. I am now 34 and the older I get the worse the anger becomes. I am so afraid that I may hurt someone or even myself. I am so tied of feeling unhappy about eveything in my life. I am so tied of not wanting to interact with my friends for fear they will view me as some kind of mad woman which I feel most of the time I understand that at of my anger stems from my childhood but I never relly addressed the issue. There are very few people who have seen my insane side. Accept those closest to me. I just want my mind to feel well again like it did before all the tragedies in my life. I thankyou so much for your show Dr ablow you have helped alot of women who have this problem. I will try to seek professial help for my anger issues once again thankyou

Ashley

Re: "Anger Illness"
I also suffer from this disease. I'm tired of it and would like to change for the sake of my innocent children. I hope it's not too, late. They are ages 16 and 12. I am a single mom with low self-esteem and suffer from a deep seeded depression. I've learned to cover it up but, that just makes me more angry behind closed doors. There have been many times that I contemplated suicide. I don't know why I'm here. I feel I brought my children to this world of sorrow and unhappiness. I've been angry most of my life...since, I was about 6, I think. I've managed to block out 2nd and 3rd grade. Can anyone advice on this one? I am aware that Dr. Keith will more than likely not respond to my entry. My children are number one that is why I am still here. I'm not ready to leave them. I just want them to be a better role-model for them. My greatest desire for them is to be happy and have a fulfilled live.

I feel I am the same way the mother's on the show are. I yell a lot at my 4 year old daughter and have lost my temper so bad that I have put her in our garage so that I could have a "time-out" she screamed the whole time, and that made me even angrier. I ended up slapping her and I felt horrible. I need help. I know I have much more patience with my 2 year old son. I was sexually abused as a child by my sister, and that made me afraid of ever having a girl. Now that I have one, I am afraid of every day things...like wiping her bum after she poops...and other things that she does or says. My son does not scare me the way my daughter does. I am mainly scared of messing up my daughter the way I was messed up. I need to come to terms of what happened to me and not try to make my daughter of 4 try and be so independent. I am her mother and I love her deeply, I am just scared of being alone with her. Since she was a baby I was scared to shance her diaper without anyone in the room. I even called my 3 year old neice into the room when I was changing her, just so there would be a witness that I did nothing wrong. I feel horrible that I am harder on her, but she scares me. I want her to be able to do things for herself. I love her very much, and would do anything for her. Please help me.

I wanted to say like so many have the anger illness hit home and it was good to see some people do understand. I also wanted to say your threatening Rachel with her ex husband taking away her son if she does not get it together just verified my own fear about seeking help. You showed me I was right and I won't be speaking out, I won't lose my kids!

I watched your show today, and while I have some of the same problems with my history (mental and sexual abuse), I also have the same "symptoms" as you label this an illness with my 8 year old daughter, I have been to a professional who prescribed to me mood stabilizers and anti depressants. My mind is a mess but it is my mind, so I have gone the extra mile to explore and understand why I am the way I am. Mothers that feel the rage and revert always to screaming and yelling it appears to me have generally grew up the same way. We yell so we will be heard. We have learned to not communicate, to not be understood, and to be out of control. These mothers were not on the show for taking their anger and miscommunication out on their husbands or other friends and family, especially other adults. These mothers and myself at some point were taught that once they have kids they have property, to me no different than a man trying to control his significant other. I have realized however that this is more a behavioral disorder, a learned behavior than an illness. It has been taught along with reading and writing, and as such as the human mind can expand it's horizons, we can re-learn, re-shape and re-mold who we are that is not genetically written into our DNA. This is what I have done. I take my timeouts, if I become irrationally angry I tell my daughter, go play, we will talk later when we gain our bearings. I read or go on the internet, whatever takes my mind away from the rage, and after 10 minutes or so I am completely calm. It has worked better than the medications, as I had to stop taking them for a pregnancy. We contol our selves, and we need to teach our kids to do the same. That can only be done after you REALLY know yourself, your boundries and your faults.

My Two Cents

This show today affected me like no other talk show that I have ever watched in my life. I never post on internet boards but felt compelled to share my "two cents".

I've read most of the posts here and I too frequently exhibit this type of behavior and have seen how it affects my children and that is why I decided to make a change in myself for not only my children but for myself and my marriage as well.

I have known for quite some time that my anger issues effect everyone around me including rank strangers - who sometimes get cursed out for being on my path while I am angry.

For those who write "boo hoo" get over it. If you have not realized by reading the posts on this board that this problem affects a large amount of mothers who because of life (demanding work hours, children, jobs, single parenting, etc.etc.- the daily stresses of life are very hard to cope with while aspiring to be Suzy Homemaker) then I think you should take some time to actually read the posts on this board. All people do not handle stress in the same way. We all have our strengths and our weaknesses. This is not a problem that should be dismissed so easily because it is an illness - either directly or indirectly mental illness affects everyone in the community in which the individual suffering lives - don't take my word for it - you're on the internet - do the research - you will be surprised and not pleasantly. It is time for this society to acknowledge illness of the mind the same as we have acknowledged those that manifest themselves in our body physically.

It is not my intention to mistreat my children and I don't think that is the intention of 99% of the other mothers posting to this board. I have always held the image of the "perfect mother" in my mind and I think that most of this anger comes from the realization that (1) I can't be that person and meet the demands of daily life in our modern world (2) my children can't be those perfect little people that I want them to be.

What have I done?
(1) Destress - I now claim my family's time as our own. We do not bend to the wishes of others just to make them happy because it only makes us miserable. We don't stress ourselves out trying to fit in social activities with family/friends/etc. that we (1) don't have time to attend (2) don't want to attend just to make them happy.

(Sidenote: I can tell you stories about many occasions that I havespent frantically screaming at my family while trying to dress three small children and a husband for a social event so we all look perfect - when in fact none of us including me wanted to go in the first place)

(2) Accepting my limits - I know myself well enough to know what I can and cannot do without losing my temper because I am overstressed. Do I feel sad and guilty sometimes because I can't do something that I really want in my heart to do - yes. But is my household calm, am I calm, are we all in a peaceful environment - yes. Then the gain far exceeds the loss.

(Sidenote: I want to be involved with several political groups and to complete a second graduate degree BUT can I balance the demands of responsibilities along with the needs of my family - NO - will doing those things now place me in a state of constant frustration and anxiety - YES - then now is not the right time for those things)

(3) Stop expecting children to behave as adults. Release the dream of having perfect children. Remember that we call them children for a reason. They do not reason like we do they are not going to behave as we would like most of the time but if we are patient and kind then they will hear our instructions more often than if we are screaming at them.

Basically - this is going to sound corny and alot like a 12 step program BUT

you need to know who you are
*learn your limits
*learn your triggers
*let go of society's expectations for you AND your children and place value on your expectations
*learn AND use methods to destress, communicate, control your emotions

I wish all of you the best of luck!

gosh, i did not want to watch this show today that describes me and the way i parented my children.it was too painful to view. my children are grown now. i was harder on my son. my poor beautiful son. he never overcame the way i treated him. to cope with his childhood he took drugs and recently passed away as another victim of oxycontin. i thought i acted this way to him because of pms. i have mellowed now that i no longer have periods and i am old and too tired to have all of the drama in my life. i don't have relationships with anyone because i feel that i don't know how to act around people.
i wish i had seen your show 30 years ago. maybe i could have received help. maybe my son would still be alive.

I cannot begin to explain how your show today hit home. I am a prime example of the anger illness. Just yesterday I flew off the handle at my five year old because he was not listening to me. Very irrationally flew off the handle. Yelling at him to go to his room. Now he yells back at me - which makes me get even crazier. It is my own fault because he is only acting out by example. Knowing this doesn't seem to help. I seem to fly off the handle and have even been known to spank him. It has become so out of control! I have been told by my boyfriend, my neighbors and my family that I scream and yell way too much. I recognize where it comes from and had a very dysfunctional and difficult childhood. It definitely has spilled over into my adult life.
And although I recognize it, I cannot seem to control it. It seemingly comes from nowhere. There are some good days, but then something will trigger it and bam - I'm off on a psychotic uncontrollable rage.
Completely irrationally and almost seemingly for no real reason. My relationship is suffering and I am struggling. I recognize the behaviour but do not know how to keep it at bay. After watching your show, I am for the first time feeling like I am not alone. I so identified with these women that it is unbelievable. I often times have felt psychotic and crazy. I have been trying techniques to help me through those episodes, but usually they come quickly and I am blindsided. It is only in retrospect that I see what I am doing wrong. I do not know how to help myself and feel lost. I actually see stars I become so angry. Do I have sleepless nights? many. I continue trying to make this behaviour stop as I do see my five year old acting out frequently. I want what is best for him. Until today, I thought I was a horrible mom. The show helped me realize that this is a sickness.

I am just glad to know I am not alone.

What Mother can't relate to a home in total chaos? I just want to tell you, "This too shall pass." I promise you, it gets better. Take a walk, read a book, take a nap, take a hot bath. Or, if nothing else...just breath.

watching your show today on anger illness made me break down and cry, i struggle all day everyday with this my children r 1 and 5 years old and im starting to loose my temper even more now i cant seem to get it together and im scared 4 my life and theres........

I was watching your show on "Anger Illness", and it hit home. I am guilty of doing the same thing as all of those mothers on your show. I was a single mom most of my daughters raising. My daughter is now 12 yrs. old, and I see soo much of me, in her. It's not fair to her. I grew up in an mentally, emotionally, physically and sexually abusive home. I am the oldest child in my family and had to protect my siblings and my mom from my father's drunken rages. My mother was the main bread winner, and stressed with raising 4 kids, and an abusive husband. As a child, I always swore I would do better than my mother, but when I look in the mirror, I am my mother. Over the years, I have been in counseling, therapy and on medication. It only seems to get at the outer layer of everything. I have been diagnosed before with depression and post traumatic stress disorder. My daughter had been diagnosed with PTSD at one time also. I don't know what to do. Insurances only let you go to certain people and then there is the lack of insurance. There is soo much more I could I could, but it takes too much time to write a book. Thank you Dr. Keith for your show, and letting me know that I am not the only one like this.

I was so amazed by your show today as I felt so much of my behavior was the same as the last guest with the three sons, I am also shocked by all the email you recived and how I felt so many of those same feelings, I have two young boys and I am always losing my temper for the smallest things and I feel if I don't yell I will explode from the tension. I try so hard to control this as I know this is not healthy,and it doesn't last long. I love my children more than anything and I want to do the right things for them and let them know that and they are safe and make them feel comforted not on edge all the time. I purposely rarely spank them as I never want to lose control in that way. I also lose control by yelling at my husband as well, it just seems like my fuse is getting shorter and shorter. Please let me know if you reccomend any help in my area.I want help from someone who is familar with these problems!! Thank you for approaching this problem!!

i do understand that some parents have some type of anger illness, but im a 32 years old black women and i would never talk back to my parents! kids these days get away with murder and their parents can't control them, that's why the world (the new generations) is going crazy. a child that doesn't respect her parents enough not to talk back, or follow her rules, will not respect others; like TEACHERS! My mother did not have an anger illness, because we respected her right or wrong. Kids now want to be the adults!!!!

hi dr. Keith this its my first time i post a comment. I am hispanic and don't know how to write a good english but love you show that's why I going to do it in espanol. Para empezar espero que alguien pueda traducirle este mensaje ya que mi ingles no es perfecto al escribirlo espero me disculpe pero la verdad esque me encanta su show mi problema es que creo que yo tambien sufro lo que usted llama angry illiness tengo 3 ninas y siempre les estoy gritando la mayor tiene 8,4 y 2 es lo mismo que les pasa a sus invitados mi cuerpo se calienta y siento como que me voy de este planeta solo pienso en mi en lo que yo estoy sintiendo y me olvido de lo que mis ninas estan sintiendo a vecez solo grito y lesdigo que se alejen de mi porque no quiero gritarles ni decirles cosas malas.Y otra cosa yo tambien siempre estoy enojada y a vecez lloro de cualquier tonteria como en este momento que le le estoy dejando el mensaje estoy llorando .No quiero ser una mala mama ni quiero sentirme asi siento que mis ninas no se merecen una madre como yo ellas se merecen alguien mejor. Por favor si me pudiera ayudar de alguna forma se lo agradeceria con todo el corazon y creo que mis ninas mas por que ellas se merecen una mama feliz.

Muchas Gracias. Yahaira Higuera

I have noticed that feelings of "not being in control" are triggers for me. Having "expectations" and them not getting met feels like lack of control. My expectations are mostly those that were set upon me as a child or ones that I have put in place as an adult (in order to have more control in my life) and I need to rethink them. How do you learn to not have expectations? Or do you just change them?

I watch the show today 10/10/06 and I couldn't stop crying. Why? cause I had a little of all of the mothers in me. I often pray and ask God to help me with my anger. I have a five year old and a 2 year old and I find my self screaming at my daughter all of the time. I have hit her as well. I then feel so bad that I start to cry myself. I had a very abused childhood. my father hit my mother so much that I block most of the abuse out. I went to school for psychology and I feel like I should know better. But like you said it like I'm looking at myself being mean and I can't stop it. Today I really had a chance to see me through the women I seen and I felt so bad. I made myself a promise to try to change. I love my childern with all my heart and I know that they love me. I have a husband and I feel like I have rubbed off on him and now he yell alot to. The funny thing with that is I get mad when he dose it. It like I can stand it done but I do it the most. If you know anyone in the pinole, ca who could help I would be so happy. i don't want to have my childern growing up being afraid of me. I wasn't even supposed to have childern. I have cancer when i was 20 and was told I couldn't bare childern. So you see Kieth these childern are my blessing and they need to know that.

all i hear this woman say is me, me, me. I want him to love me.Boo Hoo, this poor baby doesnt know what love is YOU have to show him that for him to know it. You need to get a grip, get over the poor poor pity me and make the best out of this life you have been given. I understand this kind of situation with teenagers but this is a baby for christ sakes!!!!!
Have you ever just sat down and held this baby as tight as you could?He needs this, he needs to know You LOVE HIM!!!!!! I am a mother of three; ages 13, 3,9 mths and i am 40 years old. Please stop crying for yourself and shed a tear for your baby.

I just finished watching the episode on "Struggling With Anger Illness" and credit through the whol