I was raised as a mormon and left the church when I was 16. I don't have a problem with them however because I know they do alot of good. I also know that although the REAL MORMANS practiced poligamy in the PAST is is no longer accepted in the church.
I am closer to being Penacostal than Morman but it still irritates the heck out of me when people who know nothing about the LDS church...other than what they read by LDS bashers presume to be authorities on it.

To Elizabeth

Some clarification about death benefits. Social Security benefits are paid to all children of a man who dies (not just those who were born to his "legal" wife). So now you know.

Also, you are assuming that plural wives never work, themselves, pay taxes, etc. You disregard that this man and his family are probably paying their taxes... just like you.

There are 'groups' that seem to prefer wives not work outside the home, ever. And there are some 'groups' who seem to pursue public assistance more often than others would. But to my understanding, these same 'groups' are apt to place widow-wives "into" another family (there are not a lot of single or forever-widowed women among them). But that is their business. I don't hang out with such "groups".

I live in Utah. I have known a fair number of polygamous families in my time. Most of those I have encountered, don't fit into those popular stereotypes in the least.

Just IMHO and FYI

Susan

Well, I see one person parallels polygamy with incest as a moral depravation, and another seems to think all the wives and children of polygamist families are on welfare and food stamps. I applaud the media for promoting misleading stereotypes...lol

There ARE people out there who are abusive and immoral. Some of them ARE polygamist. I have no doubt this is absolutely true.

However, there ARE lot of people out there who are abusive and immoral. And MOST of them are monogamists. Anyone care to remember that while firing their moral ammunition at polygamists?

One person commented that if "incest is illegal so should polygamy be". I've got a more helpful suggestion for you. If polygamy is illegal so should DIVORCE be!

No one even WINKS at the 'serial polygamy' this society perpetrates on its families and children anymore. Its okay for kids to have "mommy-one", "mommy-two", and "mommy-three" so long as there was a divorce (or no marriage) in between. If we're really going to get morally outraged on a social phenomenon that injures and ruins more people (children included) than lets attack and legislate our society embracing “casual and continual divorce”!

But no. Society APPROVES of that great sin, doesn't it? Even the LDS Church accepts it. And the overwhelming number of divorced people ARE monogamist, by the way.

I just think its an amazing hypocrisy for the 'average' monogamist to be fussing about a man (or anyone) having more than ONE spouse when they have had more than one spouse themselves. The only difference in the BEHAVIOR is a slight one, but the difference in effect is HUGE.

The divorced monogamist has found a "legal" way to have his cake and eat it too. Don’t get me wrong, even polygamists can get divorced or have a “dissolution”, but then we agree that their relationship wasn’t legal in the first place. And so there lies our outrage, thinking that legality is somehow synonymous for morality. If we see polygamy as disgusting and polygamists as immoral, lets all admit that as a society at large we are, from a Biblical standpoint, is far more disgustingly immoral. And that this brand of immorality is (serial divorce and the non-committal sexual relationship), if looked at honestly, far more destructive and abusive to individuals, families, and children in particular.

The man who marries 3 wives and manages to keep them, may not be perfect (as few people ever are) but certainly, even from a monogamist standpoint, if he is a decent man, surely his relationships don't leave behind the wake of destruction that the monogamist with 3 wives, 5 kids and two divorces does.

And we haven't even taken up the topic of all those out there who NEVER marry, but live a 'serial polygamist' lifestyle, having relationships and babies with multiple people and then 'moving on' (something that, if the non-cohabitation laws were enforced equally, is JUST as "illegal" as polygamy). And though it is now politically correct to embrace homosexuality in our society, it has far less of a “moral” leg to stand on than polygamy! But now its not technically “not illegal” and to have opinions against it is considered a social taboo and the ‘rights’ of the homosexual protected by the legal system. Polygamist do not enjoy such special legal status.

When you come down to it, MANY people who disagree with polygamy, do so based on religious prejudices rather than real moral outrage. At least that seems obvious to me. But you know, given any excuse, people are more than willing to self-righteously cast the “first stone”.

I am AGAINST abuse, exploitation, welfare fraud, and neglect where ever and by whomever it is committed and support laws being enforced regarding this among all sects of society. This includes among non-married people, monogamists, or polygamists. But I honestly don’t see one of those three categories in general, any more rife with the same common social ills than the other. In all fairness.

IMHO

Susan

I have news for these "wives". They are not wives, but concubines. They are entitled to absolutely no legal protection. When the man dies, only the legal wife will have any right to his pension, his Social Security, etc.
The other women and all the children spawned by these relationships will no doubt resort to welfare in order to exist. If grown women want to cohabit with another woman's husband, I have no problem with that, as long as they do not reproduce. I do not wish to support these women and children with my taxes.

It is you who has little knowledge about your churchs stance on Polygamy.

READ D&C 132 YOUR RELIGION DOES IN FACT BELIEVE IN POLYGAMY.

Its Mormons like you that "bruise" the reputation of your church, by making false statements about the church's stance on polygamy.

if poligamy isn't legal neither should incest be. But in Colorado it is. I turned rat on 2 pigs like this and police ignore or say they send to social services. Both of which tell me IT IS LEGAL because if it wasn't the police "THEMSELVES" WOULD HANDLE IT.

I gew up with one of your guests, she was my best friend in junior high and high school. I am not mormon or a polygamist, but I support her and her decisions 100%. She had the best father who spent time with all of his kids each day and welcomed me as if I wer a part of their family. Valerie is an exceptional mother and friend. Shame on those that want to put theri judgements on other people lives. Outlaw the crimes that the few high profile polygamists committ, not the polygamy. These are loving famiies that should be left alone. So many men today have affairs and childrena nd do not take care of them, men have multiple women all of the time and are not prosecuted. Why should these men that choose to marry their multiple women and actually take care of their children be prosecuted. Legalize polygamy, outlaw the crimes agains children. I guaranteeyou the majority of polygamists in america DO NOT committ crimes against children, but are consenting adults.

Do polygamist get food stamps and medicaid for all
their children are where do
they get their money?

just one more instance of humans pointing to religion and the bible to promulgate their own agenda. How many wars and emotionally crippling cults do we have to endure, from Jim Jones to Waco to LDS to al Queada ... where does it stop?

I was deeply disturbed by Robbie's situation. My first thought was that something is not right here, and was the full situation disclosed on the show? If the polygamy lifestyle is illegal, why did the judge allow a five year old child to be subjected to it? Follow up on this case would be very interesting, not only the legal aspects, but finding out if Robbie can remove his daughter from that situation so that she is free to grow up making her own decisions without having a lifestyle forced on her.

I just wanted to make a correction on a comment made by one of your guests. The young girl and her mother that escaped the polygamist lifestyle had made the statement that the LDS church believes in the concept of polygamy. The LDS church does NOT believe in this, and as a member, I am deeply offended that someone with little knowledge of MY religion would publically make a false statement and bruise the reputation of my church. Comments like that also insult my intelligence. I would never approve of, or participate in such a practice, nor is it accepted in our church. Your show is very informative, however, it would be nice for Dr. Ablow to follow up on debatable comments such as this with the truth. Thank you.
Kim Ellis

It's a unique family structure. As with any alternative lifestyle it depends on the person to make it work correctly. If it turns out bad - it's because there was a flaw in the person and not in the structure itself. There are just as many "dark sides" to traditional relationships too.

I didn't see the first Polygamy show, but did see the one where the darker side was shown. The show portrayed polygamy as a cult, and so I saw it as that.

Dr. Keith, you have a good show in general, but I think it could be made better if you gave your guests more than the 15-20 minutes, to dig a little deeper. I was curious what happened to these people after they left polygamy....how they dealt with life....how they coped.

The bravery of these people was very apparent. My heart especially went out to the gentleman on the show. I wouldn't be surprised to hear about that situation again.....but in that he took his little girl far far away from that nonsense, for good. I could see it in his eyes. I would do the same thing most probably.

Thanks for the show, Dr. Keith. You're the only reason I turn on the idiot box, I mean tv.

Kess

Dr Keith,

My wife and I enjoy your show! I did have one concern with "Is Polygamy Acceptable". It seemed to me that the slant you took on the topic appeared to cast a "weirdo" shadow on all religions. I am a religious person, and I think the idea of polygamy is absolutely wrong. My religion teaches ONE man for ONE wife for ONE lifetime!! Practicing polygamy, or forcing someone else to live a life of polygamy is unacceptable. Perhaps you could make statements to your viewers like, “Not all religions practice polygamy” or simply specify the religious identification of the guilty party. This approach would give a much more truthful perspective to your viewers. Thanks for your time. Love your show!

Daniel

Hi Dr. Keith
You recently hosted a show on polygamy, and I know you mentioned the fact that it was banned from the Mormon church, but it doesn't seem like that really got through. I guess the reason it seems that way is because the young lady you were talking to said that we still believe in the principle. I'd just like to set things.... the Mormons and the Fundamentalist Mormons are two seperate groups and are no way affiliated with each other. The Mormons do not in any way believe that polygamy is a righteous act, and never will. It was banned from the church over a hundred years ago and will stay banned, we do not believe or practice polygamy. I think the world gets the Mormons and the Fund mormons confused a whole lot, and with as many people who watch your show, you could do so much good in helping to stop the confusion. Next time you do a show on Polygamy, if you could make it clear that it's the fundamentalists you are talking about... and that it has no affiliation with the mormon church whatsoever....so many viewers, including myself, would greatly appreciate it. I know you probably got many letters on this topic so I want to say thank you for putting up with this and being understanding. Thanks Dr Keith!

I do not believe that we need to debate the nature of the intentions of those who practice polygamy. These are people who grew up inside that belief structure, and who love the life they lead. These are people that are kind, and love their families, and think good thoughts, and do good deeds, and help their neighbor. I do not believe there is inherent evil in the hearts of any of the people who feel themselves persecuted as a result of the stigma associated with their way of being, Communists, Muslims, Atheists, Polygamists.

But in any religious extremist group, as it has been labeled, usually by those who feel their belief system is being misrepresented, there are certain identifiable characteristics that could be considered problems.

One problem is, they get their orders from God, so to speak. They feel they have divine right, and others don't. And anything is excusable if God told them to do it right? That's a loophole that leads to a number of problems… church bombings, FBI standoffs, war, terrorism, wars on terrorism.

And "Babies are their crop," we've heard the polygamists say. Well, yes… and as it happens, there are problems here too. I know there are occasions of little girls being molested by their brothers, sisters being married off to be wed to an old guy at 13 years old, inadequate health care, the rampant lack of education among children, and the subjugation of women.

I believe it is useless to debate who has the right to determine what we are allowed to believe in, and what lifestyle we are allowed to live. We need to address the issues that arise as a result of any lifestyle, and draft legislation that serves to resolve the problems that arise.

We need to make sure the multitudes of children that result from these polygamist households are sufficiently educated, nourished, and have proper health care, and the resources to be able to leave that lifestyle should they choose; but, we always have to be respectful of the freedom and right the people of this country do have to live within our law.

Is polygamy legal? Yet a more useless debate, if you've ever gotten into it. Endless loops of logic, that show our legislation contradicts itself up, down, and sideways. It falls into a long line of people bickering over a lot of topics: gay marriage, medicinal pot smokers, women getting the right to vote.

The question should be, how do we align our way of being as a society, to give help where help is needed, make sure as few people get hurt as possible, and keep everybody at home safe, and free to be themselves.

In response to Mormons who hastily pointed out the fact the the LDS church does not condone the practice of polygamy, I felt the need to write. Having been raised in the LDS church and believing its "gospel" until the age of 28, I know that the church's official stance on polygamy is one of nonacceptance. Those Mormons out there who are honest, however, must admit to discussing amongst themselves the fact of polygamy's existence in the afterlife (Celestial Kingdom).

Mormonism's leaders object to polygamy now because the church places a high value on its reputation. By their fruits you shall know them, etc. Polygamy is illegal; therefore most people think of it as bad fruit. That means that the church must disavow polygamy in order to proselytize effectively. People who are open about their belief in polygamy as a valid way of life are damaging to the church's desired reputation as a mainstream religion, so Mormons have been taught to quickly dispel any notion that the Church approves of polygamy.

There is a "dark side" to every religion and lifestyle. There are stories about Catholic Priests, Mormon Bishops and other religious leaders charged with sex crimes. There are children who grew up in Foster Care that have had wonderful experiences and there are those who tell of being sexual and physically abuse or even killed (Logan Marr) by their foster parents. There are children from monogamous families, heterosexual families, homosexual families that have had good experiences and there are those that have horrifying experiences. There are children from single parent families that have had good experience and bad experience. The majority of criminals in the prisons in America come from monogamous heterosexual parents.
Stereotyping is wrong. Stereotyping plural families with the labels that polygamous hate groups put forth is wrong. Judging all members of this minority by a few isolated individuals who have had a bad experience and made their voices heard loudly in the media is unacceptable.
I hope the individuals that have left plural families because they suffered in that situation find happiness in their chosen lifestyle. However, there are common characteristics among abused individuals in heterosexual, homosexual, monogamous, and polygamous relationships. There are common characteristics among abusers in heterosexual, homosexual, monogamous and polygamous relationships. As long as we blame the religion, the heritage, the family structure then the real problems are never addressed.
The very question “Is polygamy acceptable?” is indicative of preconceived prejudicial profiling.
American history is filled with devastating stories of government interference based on prejudicial profiles: 1) Institutionalizing Native American children to help them become “civilized,” 2) Outlawing inter racial marriages and removing children from parents that married outside their race, 3) Requiring Muslim immigrants to divorce their plural wives before granting citizenship. Why destroy functional families?
Is polygamy acceptable? Absolutely! Women in plural families are more liberated then feminist in any other society. A woman in a plural family has the support group to succeed in all areas of her life: family, career, social, etc. Men do not have to choose between their family and a career. Why should a woman? In a plural family children have more adults who love them and care for them.
Early Utah settler’s practices polygamy. Utah women were the first to have the right to vote. The Federal Government stripped them of their right to vote with the Edmunds Tucker Act and they only regained this right when the rest of the women in America were granted the same right. Historians marvel that some of the strongest proponents of the founding of the feminist movement were plural wives from Utah. They state that it is ironic that the most oppressed women fought so strongly for women’s rights. The reality is that they were not oppressed by their husbands but rather by the government and society. They were able to fight for the rights of all women because their children were being cared for by other mothers.
Today, plural wives are still suppressed by the government and society. When plural wives attempt to hold jobs outside of their religious organization they are fired and/or denied the right to work. Members of plural familes are denied the right to be a judge, police officer, or hold any public office. Members of plural familes are fired, denied benefits and persecuted for thier religion and lifestyle.
Is polygamy acceptable? Yes. Is the government and society’s treatment of people who practice plural marriage acceptable? IT SHOULD NOT BE.

I am not saying it is right or wrong but I was raised to believe that as long as the person is ok with the way they are living there life then to leave them alone as long as it is not being pushed on me. Plus I don't see how it is different then two men or two women living together and husband and wife.

I am watching your show right now, and i'm so extremely upset that Robbie's daughter is being subjected to a polygamist lifestyle. In my opinion this lifestyle is a CULT. I know that everyone believes in God in their own ways, but when they are teaching children it's wrong to believe anything other than what they are told, this is WRONG! I wish Robbie the best. I hope that he could get a better lawyer and a judge who knows better! I think Robbie should have FULL custody of his daughter until his ex wife realizes what type of situation she's putting her daughter through.

Dr. Keith,

Please let the young man with the 5 year old daughter and the disturbed x-wife know that the "heavenly father" she speaks of is not THE Heavenly Father. Read your Bible sir and fight this with Truth from the same Bible they get their lies from through twisting the Word. I can't imagine my little one being in such a scary situation. My prayer is that you (the daddy) will find the truth in the Bible and equip your baby girl and yourself with that! You are a good man and a beautiful father. Don't give up. Know that you have shared your story thousands of Christians will pray for you and your baby girl. I will also pray for your x-wife who lives in a house of lies. Stay strong! Rebekah

I would just like to say that the polygamy shows are an outrage! You are portraying the LDS church in the wrong way. We do NOT practice polygamy. It was band along time ago. If you were to practice polygamy in the "mormon" church, you would be excommunicated. Please make that known!