i've had these anger surges scince my teens. did pretty well at hiding it too. it's alot harder to hide now. the emotion is so much thicker. it takes over. the whole time i know its wrong. "just calm down lisa" but i don't even listen to myself. my husband doesn't tell anyone. my son is so scared of me at times. i want to stop this so badly. i could say it's the communication or i'm just frustrated, but that's not it. there are times i just want to lash out...

Not sure where to start..I firstly don't have children, nor a spouse- so why be so angry- right? Wel, I unfortunately am. I feel so left, forgotten, and kicked by society. I have a serious hard time making any meaningful relationships- wtih men, even women just for friends. I feel all alone in this world and feel it is because of my anger, hatred (perhaps towards myself an my own prison I have made) and perhaps a little jealousy of others and their good fortune. What makes me even more angry about myself is that I am a spiritual person, am very fortunate for all I have earned on my own, but now only find myself very bitter and angry towards so much for all my struggles. The problem has become so big that I know it impacts me at work, and with my family.

I saw the segment on the "Today" show and was saddened by the video and the level of anger directed at these poor children. What was very disturbing to me in the interview, was this was directed to "women" as if men never had this tendency. If there were more stay at home "dads" or single dads raising children, then the stats would be different. Unfortunately single or divorced women who may be raising children alone are now once again sigmatized as being "monsters". It's hard enough working and getting past the glass ceiling...but here's another slap in the face for woman who may have fallen victim of too much responsibility with little money or emotional support.

Why not address this illness alone without trying to market a viewer audience? Men have this illness too.....and this is nothing new. It's called "abuse" and needs to be addressed across gender lines.

DR KEITH
I HAVE THE ANGER ILLNESS. I HATE IT. I LOVE MY 3 KIDS VERY MUCH. I MEAN MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF. YET I CONTINUE TO FLY OFF THE HANDLE AT THEM FOR I DO NOT KNOW WHAT REASON. IT CAN BE SOMETHING VERY SIMPLE AND AFTER I GET ANGRY I FEEL REALLY REALLY BAD AND THINK OF WAYS I COULD HAVE HANDLED THIS BETTER. I WANT TO DO BETTER. I WANT TO BE THE BEST MOM I CAN BE. I FEEL HOPELESS. I TRY TO CONTROL THIS BUT I DO NOT KNOW HOW

Dr. keith, I'm the grandmother who used to scream all the time. Now my adult daughter screams and talks nasty to her son, who in turn speaks nasty to me and everyone else. I contacted my physcologist and suggested that I take a mild antidepressent. I've tried talking to my daughter who doesn't want to hear my story. What do I do to help her. My grandson is suffering from the generations of yelling.

Judi

When i watched the show on anger illness it had me in tears. I am a single parent of a 6 year old and a nine month old. I live alone with my boys, i do not have a job and my anger is out of control. I feel so bad when i yell at my 6 year old but sometimes i feel that i can not control myself. It has gotten to the point where i have even yelled at my baby.

Dr. Keith,
i just wanted to say that watching your show really hit close to my heart. i always have held my feelings in. I always found ot easier to not say anything even though i knew that it wasnt always the right choice for my self. Over the years as i was growing up i just became more angry and impaitient with everyday life. when my parents got divorced i put me over the top. After i had my daughter i found myself releasing my anger with yelling at hre and my boyfriend. now im back to keeping it all in because i dont like who i am when i get mad. i am afraid that it will be a continuing battle till its to late. thank you for letting me know that it is ok and im not the only one.

Dr. Keith,

I feel this attention on anger illness is irresponsible on your part. You are sharing one tiny part of a devastating situation in our society, and perpetuating the socialization of women not being allowed to show anger. Do you have a diagnosis and name for men who have this so-called illness? Because I know far more men who suffer from this than women, yet all the attention is focused on women. There is a HUGE problem with the patriarchal system in place in the world today, and to point out mainly stay at home moms who have anger issues is just another sexist addition to this societal misogyny. I imagine many people will disregard my statements here, maybe even you will, but I could not stand by and not say anything about this. I do not say there isn't a problem with parental anger issues, but it is truly irresponsible to perpetuate such sexist theories. Remember the old psychological term, "hysterical,"??? I am sure you do, as I do because I also studied psychology and am going for my graduate degree in it. To me, this is another such term as hysteria, or histrionics-- psychological terms that single women out and blame the victim. This is a patriarchal society, and I do not presume that the more educated a person is, the more they realize this. You may, or may not. But if you do, I would be surprised after these segments. Have you addressed and diagnosed a psychological issue like, "Chronic Misogynistic Tendencies," or perhaps, "Macho Man Personality Disorder"?? I would very much like to hear your feedback on this, although I am sure you get plenty of comments and may not have time to respond. Thank you,
Kate

When i saw Dr. Ablow talking this morning on Today show about this topic, it was as if they were talking about me on the show. I didn't realize so many people struggle with the same thing as me. I hate myself for the way I treat my 4 yr old daughter. I don't really know what to do or who to turn to. I am glad that Dr. Ablow brought out this issue so that we can get help!!

Thank you, Dr. Keith for putting a name to this horrible illness. For years, I have been angry & short tempered. I scream & yell at my kids constantly. I have road rage & can "lose it" in a matter of minutes. I have no patience. Watching your 2nd Anger Illness show really put things into perspective for me. I was in tears as those children voiced their pain & suffering that they endure on a daily basis. My children could be on that stage too. I applaud the women who came on the show to seek help for their families. My story starts from a child. I lived with my grandparents until I was 16 years old because my mom was an active alcoholic & "couldn't be a mom." My parents announced their plans to divorce when I announced my plans to get married. My mom left the home & I stayed with my father. I married at 19 & moved to another state. My mom & I had a turbulent relationship. In 1998, I gave birth to our son, who was later diagnosed with ADHD & Tourettes Syndrome. He is now 8 & it is a constant struggle. Our stress level is constantly elevated & helping him do homework sets me off in minutes. I resent the fact that he has been struggling since he is 3 years old & more struggles lie ahead. People don't understand & the school doesn't want to understand. In 2002, my husband was a victim of identity theft. We found out that my mom's roommate stole our banking information, husband's social security number, etc. He opened up credit card accounts, purchased thousands of dollars in jewelry & wrote bad checks to buy merchandise. My mom denied knowing about her roommate doing this which I never believed. Since that incident, we've been estranged & no longer speak. I believe this particular incident made me the angry person I am today. If you can't trust your mom, who can you trust? I don't want to continue the cycle with my own children. My resentment towards my mother is something I do not want to carry over to my children. I strive to be a real mom to my children, unlike my mother. I want them to remember that I baked them cookies, decorated the house for holidays, took them to the park, went to the library, attended school functions, etc. I spent countless hours surfing the internet to diagnose myself. I never seemed to fit into the diagnoses of: bipolar or depression, but I knew something wasn't right. I just wanted to let you know that I'm another mom who is struggling with this anger illness.

I wonder do the symptoms include a high rate of women who think that this isnt them and proven later? Would explain to me that since me and my wife seperated her attitude toward my kids and me anger towards me. She claims spousal abuse,which we did fight alot then, but she slept with another man two weeks after kicking me outta the house, showing me she needed something she wasnt allowing me to know about, lost my best freind. We do need help, I know this. And even though it has been a yr.... I still think about her daily, wondering if there was a day I could go back to, to do things right, I would.

Dr. Keith, Please don't forget the resposibility that men have in the problem of angry mothers. you, yourself personally KNOW how difficult it is to parent a child. YOu mentioned in an earlier show how after being at work all day (with adults, personal time, relaxed lunch break) YOU WOULD HIDE DOWN THE STREET BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T DEAL WITH WALKING INTO A HOME WHERE A CHILD WAS INVOLVED. You never hid from your wife in the marriage, ONLY FROM YOUR CHILD ONCE SHE CAME ALONG.

DR. Keith,
Well i hope you actually read this...I watched Thursday's show on and anger illness and i was really shocked, i mean it was the answer to a question i'd been wondering since as long as i can remember. You see i'd spent the first 17 years of my life with my mother and stepfather dealihng with physical and emotional abuse,my step dads alcoholism and my mothers violent anger. It seemed that my mom is exactly what you describe as having anger illness which allows me to see that it wasnt me making her that way.I used to spend everyday affraid because i never knew what mood my mom would be in. One second she'd be loving and caring and the next she would beat me because i dropped a glass or wasnt cleaning something fast enough. My mother was very overbearing and would snap at the littlest things but my stepfather would be of no help at all. When i turned seventeen i moved in with the most caring family i'd ever met because they offered me a way out of that hell and its been two years exactly since I've been living a normal life, learning to take care of myself completely and learning to interact with people without fear or anger. I still talk to my mother but i cant seem to feel any love or connection to her because of how she has been to me my whole life. Im just happy that your show could explain to me what was really occuring and i was wondering if i should worry about turning out just like my mom. I want a family someday and i love children but in the back of my mind there is that thought that i may be a victim of this illness as well. I think its great that you addresses this issue because it is something that isnt usually known.

I've been angry for years and it started when I had children. My oldest is 15, so I've had this problem for that long. I never realized that other people had this problem. I had my fourth child 2 months ago and was put on antidepressants for post-partum depression. Now that I'm on them, my anger has subsided! Had I known that these meds would help me so much, I would have gotten on them sooner! As it turns out, I probably have suffered from depression for a long time and didn't really know it, or was in denial. For those that said these meds didn't help, please keep in mind that it takes several weeks for them to really start working and also it takes changing the dosages until you find what works for you.

I have known for a while now that I have MAJOR anger issues. It goes back to childhood. My dad was and still is and drug abuser and alcholic. He is not as bad as he used to be. I have had to grow up very fast. My sister is 11years younger than me and i prety much was the one who watched her except when was in school. My parents separated when i was in 8th grade but they got back together about 6 to 8 months after.It was for my sisters sake not because they liked each other.Now with my kids things aren't going so well.I got pregnant with my oldest son when I was 19 and had him at 20. That was hard!He has been diagnoised with ADHD but I think there is more to the problem then that.He is angry when he is not on medicine.But not himself when he is. Now that I have met and married a good man and we have had two more kids(a boy and a girl). He is in the military and despite what everyone thinks we have no money. They pay the minimum. We even get W.I.C for our daughter.I was on about 4 different antidepressants they did not help me just mad it worse.They even decreased my labido(and that didn't help my marraige).I am so depressed and every time I go see the doctor they say here take this and call me in a week. That doesn't help.The psycologists that I have talked to acted like they really didn't care about fixing the problem just prolonging it. Not having money is a big issue for me I have no carreer and no life and don't even get me started on FRIENDS. Life is not easy and the one thing I will not do is give up completly but I am tired and ready to take a break, If I knew where to start to fix my problems maybe something will give. If any one has any suggestions I am willing to hear them. I also want people to know that i will never hurt anyone or myself(physically) I am afraid of things like that. But the emotions are a different thing I don't want to have this effect my kids any more.Right now I feel like locking myself in my room and just going to sleep for a little while and maybe just maybe when I wake up it will all have been a bad dream???!!! Thanks for reading this!

I related to alot of the women on the anger illness show but I was very disapointed that the fingers were being pointed souly at the mothers and their past. I dont feel this is always the case. Why arnt fingers being pointed at the husbands and in some cases the older children that push these women to feel the way they do. These moms are being overwelmed and whos trying to help them so they dont feel the way they do? Women are the glue that holds familys togeather. While husbands act like their only job is to go to work and come home. We do the shoping,cooking, cleaning,child rearing,and some of us work as well..I think you over looked some major factors in why these women are getting to the place they are at Dr.Ablow!
When we have so much on our plates and no one is willing to work with us and not aginst us. Yet you want us to stay calm. Its not the issue of the mom but a issue of the whole family! Look at the bigger picture.

This show was such an eye opener for me! Every day I feel alone as I struggle to remember that my children are just children and shouldn't be the victims of my rage. There have been times I have locked myself in the bathroom and just cried because I'm afraid if I don't, the anger will get worse and progress into physical violence. I love my children more then life itself, but in the same breath, I realize the damage I must be doing to them because I can't seem to control my fits of yelling and horrible remarks. I apologize to my children almost constantly, trying to explain to them that there is no reason for my actions, but I know that's just not enough. Thank you for this show and for letting me know I'm not alone and there is help!

OMG, I just watched the show and that was me, all the ladies were me. I might even have it worst, because I've had it for 24 years. That's how old my oldest son is, and I started when he was a baby. I have 4 children in all, 2 boys & 2 girls. I'm horrible, and I don't know where it comes from. My children are the most important in my life, and I treat them worse than anyone, Why? I cry, I pray, I even apologize to them after I fly off. I curse them, call them names ( degrading names), and I can see where it hurts there feelings, just by looking in there eyes, and it's like at that moment it doesn't mean anything to me, but after, well I can't take it back. I could blame this on so many things that has happened to me in the past, but aren't I in control of myself? and why can't I control this? I feel like I'm possessed at times. I scare my children and I know this, but like I said it just continues. Please help me Dr. Keith is there medecine I can take? I can't afford a doctor visit, so I'm depending on any info or advice you can give me.

I hope that you are actually able to help these women. I have already fullfilled my worst dreams due to anger. I lost my son (now 21), he will not talk to me, I missed his wedding and will miss the rest of his life. He was my life, my best friend, we had been through hell and back and I thought nothing would ever break us apart. I was wrong and I pray no one ever has to go through this heartbreak. I find it hard to go on without him, lost my job and my anger and disbelief grows with every passing day. I hope you can prevent this from happening to anyone else.

dr. keith hi i am writing to you today in regards to your show i saw today on the anger illness, but i am a grand mother with it (i think).My 29 year old daughter is on drugs really bad, she has gone thru many treatment centers with no luck,and we are raising our grandson (me & my husband) it seems for some reason i am always angry i feel so bad he is only 9 years old and i say some mean things to him ,not only about his mom but about anything, and i dont't want him to grow up being angry like me.i just don't know what to do thanks debbie

Wow...it's staggering to hear how many other women, especially mothers, are experiencing "the anger illness." MY mother, the most loving person I ever knew, suffered from this exact thing! I remember things like helping her in the kitchen and if I didn't do something right she'd yell and get mad and send me away for messing it up...but she was also the only person I ever knew who truly cared for others more than herself. Sadly, however, she did commit suicide at the age of 38. I was 14 years old at the time. I have so many fond memories of my mother, yet SO MANY are marred from the memories of her anger. I am now 29 years old and a mother of 1 year old and 2 year old little girls. I have vowed to be a better mother and stop the cycle of anger...and yet I still struggle from time to time. (Especially when my second daughter was colicky for the first 6 months of her life...) I press on though knowing that my daughters will have wonderful memories of me when I am gone...without the sadness and hurt of my anger looming in the shadows of those memories. God bless all of you seeking help and I will pray for you...get help so YOUR children can have fond memories of YOU when you are gone. THAT shows your ultimate love for your children. God bless!

I WAS VERY MOVED BY YOUR SHOW ON ANGER ILLNESS. I DO NOT HAVE ANY CHILDREN AND NOW I THANK GOD I DO NOT BECAUSE I WOULD NOT WANT TO PUT THEM THRU THAT. MY ANGER IS VISIBLE ALL THE TIME . PEOPLE I DO NOT EVEN KNOW SAY TO ME WHY DO YOU ALWAYS LOOK SO MAD? I TELL THEM I AM NOT MAD JUST CONCENTRATING BUT I KNOW THEY ARE RIGHT . I OBVIOUSLY TALK LIKE I AM ANGRY BECAUSE EVEN WHEN I DON'T FEEL ANGRY PEOPLE MISUNDERSTAND ME AND THEY GET DEFENSIVE WITH ME THEN I GET ANGRY. I FLY OFF THE HANDLE VERY EASILY. I TAKE EVERYTHING VERY PERSONALLY. I HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS FOR MANY YEARS AND NEVER KNEW WHY OR WHAT IS CAUSING ME TO ACT THIS WAY . IS THERE HELP FOR ME?

I am A 46 year old grandmother, I take care of my grandchild full time there are no breaks for me, other than the child going to school.
I had this anger illness in me when i was raiseing my own children, they are grown now.
And I am taking care of my grandchild and I have to catch my anger before i let it out on my grand cild, normally when i feel my nerves welling up i will walk away from my grandchild and do something for me like brush my hair or something I have learned on my own to control the anger.
from
Tina
from ohio

I just wanted to let you know that after watching your show today I thought I should tell you my story. I suffered from the anger illness for many years. I have 6 year old twins and was yelling at them constantly. I finally went for help and am now using the tools that the doctors have given me. There is definately a huge change in the whole atmosphere of my home. My husband can see the warning signs as well and we have titled my alone time as a "mommy time out". That is such a blessing for especially when I am at home by myself with the kids. I used to dread holiday vacation from school but now I make sure we have a routine and the days go by very quickly. I just want others to know there is definately hope for them as well.

HI, i have two children
a 10 year old and a 4 year old and my husband, i was a single mother for 5 years
had my son when i wa 27,at 32 i got married and had another child, my oldest son has adhd, i find myself yelling at him everyday, and the worst part about it is i'm yelling at him, and most of the time he has no clue why and neither do i, when it comes to his homework, it is just awful i find myself yelling at him more then i am helping him, and after i'm done yelling, i feel the most gulit and i hate myself for it, because he is truely a great kid,Then my husband comes home from work and i find myself yelling at him, and once again i have no clue why, i love my kids and husband, but at times i feel i can't stop myself and i hate who i've become, and i just don't know what to do about it.

I can not believe I am not alone! I thought for 2 years what a horrible person I am for doing this to myself and my children. I have had no idea why I this started or how to stop. This really makes me think twice about myself esteem issues I have had along with sleeping problems. I am in tears right now because I want help so bad. I never physically harm my children but I know from experience emotional abuse can be worse than physical abuse. I do not want to take anti depressants I believe that is the easy way out. I want to learn how to change my way of thinking and Help myslef from the inside out! I will be watching all of your shows about this issue and trying to help myself as those do on your show.

i have had an anger/anxiety problem for as long as i can remember-im only 26. i've been on a number of antidepressants and have tried a number of other things to try to find inner peace but have yet to. lack of wheels and REAL support doesn't help. i try to talk to people about it but they all say the same thing..."relax, everything is gonna work out".
i have a 3 yr old son and a degree that i worked very hard for and have yet to be able to use-everyone wants "experience" but they aren't willing to give it. i'm not a patient person. i try to think positive and stay confident but i find myself beating my head against the wall without cooperation.
part of me feels intirely too young to be a mom and the part of me feels i'm running out of time and wasting my life trying to 'find myself' in this world.
i carry around alot of resentment as well as guilt and hold grudges, it's very hard to let go of the past and now i am the mother i feared i would become...angry, resentful and emotionally spent. i don't know where else to turn-the only thing im sure of is that it is not at all my sons fault. i am not a single parent, but most of the time i feel i am b/c this is my world and all this is 'in my head', i supposadly blow everything out of proportion and all i do is worry. i wish for one day i could become numb and leave it all. my family doesnt deserve that but i have fantasies of leaving and starting a new-
true advice would be helpfull! ive heard all the feel good lines enough that they make me sick anymore.

I need HELP with this issue, I so much want to stop yelling and screaming. My precious children don't deserve an ounce of it.

I have the anger illness, 23 with a soon to be three month old that I try so hard not to get mad at, I know it isn't her fault that she is hungry, colicy, doesn't want to be alone. I try not to get mad at my boyfriend who instead of the baby I ladh out at because he did not help the first 2 months of our little girld life because he was afraid of his own anger and rage but sometimes it hurts because seeing the therapist did nothing, infact I am pretty sure it made things worse because she was the one who brought into light that the father should have been helping me the first few weeks and months of her life. Then the fact that I have got to work, try to figure out where her medical card is... it's too much. I have all the help my family can offer including now day-care so i can work full time sometimes I think it just isn't enough... for me. Meds I was on them for over 6 years, all they did was make me feel less then real. I don't know who people can keep a marriage or relationship after a child. Are there any others ways to deal with the anger illness?

Elizabeth

I HAVE 3 KIDS 4 INCLUDING MY HUSBAND .I KEEP A 5 MONTH OLD BABY DURING THE DAY STAY WITH MY ELDERLY GRANDMOTHER AT NIGHT AND WAITRESS ON THE WEEKENDS.WHEN I READ THE QUESTIONS FOR THE QUIZ I THOUGHT ARE YOU KIDDING I ANSWERED YES TO ALL BUT ONE.WHAT CAN I REALLY DO I JUST DON'T HAVE TIME.

i burst into tears after hearing about this site, and also watching women do exactly what i had just finished doing to my own flesh and blood. i hate myself pretty badly still.. but i think that this is a start. when will i get better? and is it possible that my relationship made me this way? i never felt so angry before...

I believe I have an anger problem that is effecting my family. I am upset about so much I either burst out or am passive. I dont know how to change this. I have started taking anti-depressants, but they never REALLY help. I just wish I could be a better mom, mate, and person. I am sick of living like this.

Anger illness

I have had and have anger issues--now divorced I am working on me. By myself--no counseling-no money for that.
However, I am worried about my imprinting on my kids who now starting their families.
I wouldnt even be able to approach this with them as it would be a be conflict and I am the one that is crazy.

Also, what impact a spouse with anger issues also plays that this is not all me that created this phenomena.

I just want to say that yea this is real and hard to control and I resorted to the worst alternative...Leaving to get some peace

...I am concerned about a family member that has both
hostility and anger....she has no safe boundaries when it comes to working out in the yard....she will hurt herself to finish a job...It's very compulsive and seems to be affected by the substance...Diet Coke.
I have to change my behavior
carefully so as not to set that person off..
I am very carefree and free spirited..everytime I show happiness my sister is livid and it is hard to understand....and hard to live with....I escape her.

Dr. Keith,
Where do I start ...?
Number 10 is the only one that seems realistic and helpful.
Parentifying a child per #6 is just wrong and can lead to the child feeling even more guilty and responsible for her/his own abuse.
And how about "admit to them (the children)that you are not in control" (#5) and "ask them for help"? Great. Make the child feel both unprotected and forced to bear the burden of her/his own abuse as well as the abuser's rage.
No real thought went into this glib pablum of a list. Shame on you.
You keep reminding us that you are a psychiatrist -a forensic psychiatrist at that. It seems you have developed a latter-day Stockholm Syndrome where you are sympathizing and bonding more with the abusers (because you know and understand them better than you know and understand their victims,) and less with the victims, even when those victims are innocent children.
And why aimed at just women? A little sexism thrown in with your insensitivity makes for good theater - is that the level you operate your show on?
This list infuriates me. The arrogance behind its patronizing tone just rubs salt in the wounds of this now-60-year-old child of an angry mother.
You are way off base and out of touch, Dr. Keith. This is not an "Anger Illness." This is a bonafide Anger Epidemic "- and you are not helping.