It disappoints me that most of you think somebody shouldn't bring their "religion" to the table in this discussion. The things I believe are my convictions... religious or not... they are there. (& they happen to be contrary to what most of you are saying about this lifestyle that really isn't all that new.) If people are looking into this lifestyle, shouldn't they be given both sides of the story? Why shut down the Christians who have as much of a conscience and strong opinion as anyone? I disagree with this lifestyle because I cannot imagine how anyone's marriage could last without turning sour from potential jeolousy or losing its flavor or who knows what even though it is fun right now. I'm perfectly satisfied by my (one) husband even though I admit it is tempting to try somebody else. I don't want to go there because I value my relationship with my husband. I want to know - how exactly does the swinger lifestyle "Spice up" your marriage? I just want to know why you chose it in the first place too. Were you bored?

My comment on the monogamy, is that I don't agree, but the funny thing is the way my marriage is going it seems as if that is what we are doing. We both have cheated, the thing is the last time which was a couple of weeks ago I found out my husband had been texting someone else. It took me two weeks to get the answers to the questions which i still don't believe. My feelings was hurt but I was not that upset, I guess it has gotten to the point where we are use to the unfaithfulness. I wish for our lives not to be this way, I want it to be like a loving married couple. Do you think we stand a chance or is just a monogamist relationship?

For anyone who is interested, I suggest reading "The Myth of Monogamy" by David Barash.
And "Marriage: A History"

My husband and I have an open relationship, but we are not what you'd call swingers.

I think that trust is very important in any relationship.You must be honest with yourself and your spouse at all times--no matter what.

We have an honest relationship, which gives us the freedom to explore our feelings for other people and grow without losing one another. It is important to not be afraid of what will or will not happen. You have to face whatever fears and feeling you have head on. If that means exploring a relationship outside of your marriage, then that is okay.

You simply have to love the person enough to let them go if need be. If they love you purely then they will support you and stick by you no matter what your desires are!

In response to the original question:
YES! i believe the new monogamy is 'doable'.
Traditional marriage/monogamy has outlived itz useful purpose. YES! my partner and i push the limits. The participants must be emotionally secure, intellectually mature adults for the relationship(s)to be fulfilling and to flourish.

I feel "New Monogomy" is another way of saying I'm a cheater. It's just a way to have more sexual partners with 1/2 of the reprocutions. Because, the relationship in one way or another is robbed of a true connection between just 2 people. What is happening to this World. STD's are not a joke & condoms can break!

Over half of all married vanilla couples in this country end in divorce...most of the remainder are miserable. Yet some people want to defend a standard that simply doesn't work. Swingers tend to have much stronger and longer lasting marriages. This subject needs to be re-visited because it's obvious that a lot of people simply don't get it.

In response to the recent posting of the lifestyle being about the male maipulating the female. Actually, in many cases the lifestyle is entered into at the female's suggestion.

I just want those "new monogomy" to know that "mono" in itself means "one" not many. Evan if they all claim to be in a "relationship". It is all about lying to yourself as a woman that you will not be jealous. Come on! How can you be in love and then let your man go have sex with someone else. I think it is a "macho" thing because the male is the one who is asking the female to allow hiim to have all the sex he wants with another person. She is supposed to be okay with it because she can have sex with a guy too. The thing is how many partners is she having vs. how many is he having? The guy is ruling this relationship. He wants to have his cake and eat it too and the women are too dumb to see that they are the ones being manipulated into thinking it is okay. It is cheating the meaningful relationship between "one" couple...the "mono" aspect of it. Women, wake up and see that it is all the man's demands!

I'm afraid that people are getting less wise as time goes on.

I believe it is a sin. It is actually adultry, consent or no consent, to fool around with anyone when you're married.

I can laugh at the comments posted on here about "bible thumpers". Actually, as a Christian of 9 years myself, I can safely say that we simply read the Bible, and try to live by it...not thump it. :)

I also find it hard to believe that so many people are amazed when people bring their religon to this topic. When someone takes marriage, which is a God-given blessing and life-long commitment and tries to alter it to fit the desires of the world, you better believe people will bring God to the table! To expect any less is an underestimation. Also, the comment about "bible thumpers" being insecure is off. I can tell you (since I am one apparently :)) that I am not insecure at all.

I serve the Almighty God, who created you and me, who spoke the world into existence, and who is more powerful than us all...and you think I'm insecure?

If God is for us, then who can be against us? I know who wins in the end, don't you?

My husband is very interested in this lifestyle. I am apprehensive because I'm concerned that when I see him with another woman, I'll be jealous. Does anyone have advice on how to deal with jealousy. Or better yet, how to overcome it?

I think it's unfortunate that a conversation about this lifestyle would to some mean a conversation about morals and personal choices. There are clearly people within the lifestyle that are living happy, sensual, fulfilling lives.

And, to me, that begs the question--is there some emotional connection between the two that makes it possible for them to share something outside of a traditional marriage? Is there one or many qualities about the marriage of a Lifestyler that fosters a less inhibited, more accepting kind of love built on complete and open communication and sharing?

I don't believe in passing judgment on anyone, but I do believe there may be something learned by looking at the lifestyle more closely--even for folks who aren't quite as hedonistic in their choices. But, in learning from these individuals, they should not be made a spectacle or mocked. They are no more ordinary than the rest of us in their daily lives--it's only their bedroom that is spicier!

People, Please do yourself and others a favor before making negative comments or doing your bible thumping on this and other forums regarding the new manogomy lifestyle or whatever you want to call it. There are plenty of websites out there where you can read real peoples experiences and helpful insight by many others regarding this type of lifestyle. Just do a google or yahoo search on swinging, Do some homework and then make an educated remark about this lifestyle intead of uneducated ranting and raving, Doing such will only show your mental depth.

Yes.. swingers are many times monogamous….. Swinging is emotional monogamy with physical non-monogamy.

There is a reason why the stats recently done on swinging show that the swinging community as a whole (4 million plus members in the USA alone) have a lower divorce rate than the national average. That right there reflects that the Lifestyle is viable if nothing else.

For those people toting the religious banner and making judgment – I believe there is a small saying in the Bible about “do not judge less ye be judged”. If this works for couples (obviously does since many have been in it for 10 plus years) then why in the world would people condemn it?

For those that think the Lifestyle is geared toward “men’s enjoyment. What you don’t know is the Lifestyle is run by the women. It’s not the old wife swapping attitudes of the 50’s but now the career woman is in control. Yes, there are 3’somes that take place and many times it’s a MFM situation and not the necessarily FMF. However, since in the Lifestyle the majority of females are bi or bi-curious the FMF does reap it’s rewards for both parties. Couples have fun with others plain and simple but are deeply in love with their spouse too. It works. Just because you can’t fathom it doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for others.

People are misinformed if they think the reason people get in to the Lifestyle is because their spouse doesn’t satisfy them. Most swingers I know have extremely hot sex lives just between the two of them. The Lifestyle just adds zest to an already wonderful sexual life. Playing with others is the “icing on their cake but definitely not the cake.” The cake is your own spouse who carries your deep love and affection.

The fact is… .swinging or “The New Monogamy” has been around thousands of years. Nothing new. For the married woman on the show that has been in the Lifestyle for 27 years with her husband…...obviously the Lifestyle is working for them! It isn’t for everyone…. but then again neither is physical monogamy. To each his own and enjoy!

My wife and I find this Lifestyle to be very rewarding, freeing, and beneficial to a healthy relationship. Trust and Communication are absolutely required.

To respond to some of the previous posts: To bring your religion into the discussion is specious because it makes the arrogant assumption that everybody should believe in your own personal superstitions. I would no more suggest that the Lifestyle is for everyone than I would suggest that jogging is. Different things work for different people, and what a boring world this would be were this not the case! It's difficult to understand why people feel so threatened and unaccepting of that which qworks for someone else.

I was very saddened by the show on "can the new monogomy work".I saw myself in these women as I have been one of these women.This lifestyle can be very seductive in theory,but playing it out in real life can and does have very serious repercussions.Consequences not only to your own psyche but potentially to your loved ones as well.Do yourself a favor before you get sucked in over your head;Take a long,hard look at how you got to where you are at in your thinking.I think the "new monogamy"is just another level of sexual addiction.The result of a society which has allowed it's children to fall victim to sexualization,molestation and bastardization for decades.Living this lifstyle did not free me in any way,it only created more damage.Damage I still deal with everyday,more than a decade later.Look into the heart of most of these people and you will find a hurt little kid grasping for love any way they can get it.People need to start helping each other heal instead of perpetuating widespread illness as a way of life.You can have a normal life if you're willing to do the work to heal your inner child,because trust me,you don't want the monkey on my back.

The Lifestyle is a perfectly normal way of life for many people. Those who don't understand it are certainly welcome to their opinions but it's fun to read their posts. You can clearly see the envy in many of their posts. To them I say, TRY IT!

I cannot but marvel at how insecure the bible-thumpers are. Anything that isn't inline with their brain washing is a threat to all of humanity.

Funny thing. The divorce rate among honest swingers (and gays for that matter also) is far, far lower than the cultists out there who condemn this, and would impose a theocracy on us. Religion IS a cult by definition in case anyone is offended.

Swingers do not impose their lifestyle on anyone who is not also a swinger, they do not expose their kids to it, they do not cheat (who are they cheating if their spouse knows all and approves?).

And as far as morality, they are far less hypocritical than the cultists out there who lie to their spouses, who support murder in Iraq, and the deconstruction of the Constitution.

Being a Doctor has nothing to do with being able to guide people toward truth!!

I ASK - please stop trying to move people toward a NEW PERVERTED IMMORALITY AS ACCEPTABLE ACROSS AMERICA -- called new monogamy!!

I ASK - if you believed in God wouldn't you see the truth about your own EVIL INTENT - as it is??

I ASK - are you really helping people by airing its okay to disregard Bible teachings to be free to be one's own God in life?

I ASK - shouldn't a doctor be a mentor who would never deliberately exhibit on a show certain lifestyles AS ACCEPTABLE WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES OR CONCERN FOR GOING TO HELL??

I ASK - don't we all misguide people but most all people would never ON PURPOSE LEAD THE CHARGE TO EXTREME PERVERTED THINKING AS YOU ARE PUSHING ON THIS ENTIRE COUNTRY??

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Psalm 19:14
"Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer."

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Let us pray:
"O Mighty GOD, our Creator, as we look to YOU and pause to ponder the words that surround our day, may we always use kind words that cheer; uplifting words that inspire, wise words that guide; affirming words that build; encouraging words that challenge; appropriate words that explain; prayerful words that comfort. May our words flow from a heart disciplined by Thy will and tempered by Thy Word, through Jesus Christ, our Lord."

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MATTHEW 7:1-14
1. Judge not, that ye be not judged.
2. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
3. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4. Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye: and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5. Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then thou shalt see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

6. Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

7. ASK, and it shall be given you: seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

8. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
9. Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?
10. Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
11. If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

12. Therefore, all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.
13. Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:
14. Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life: and few therre be that find it.

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Let us read and pray for our country:

Matthew 7:26
And every one that heareth these sayings of Mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand;
Matthew 7:27
And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it;

Second Chronicle 7:14
"If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and WILL HEAL THEIR LAND."

None of the couples on the show from Friday spoke of mixing with "Black" couples, why not? Do they not have the "Guts?"

Can these people say they are Christians? Apparently their marriage vows mean nothing. Homosexuality is not a chosen lifestyle, but this alternative lifestyle is definitely chosen, and it's hard to understand how a marriage can survive it.

I have been a sigle female in the 'swinger' lifestyle for almost 5 years. I have participated both as a couple with men I have been in dating relationships with as well as being a 3rd for several couples. In addition, I have managed a swingers club for 3 years.

While I found your show not to be as judgemental as some talk shows have been in the past, the lifestyle is much more than what you showed.

The friendships developed, even with those you do not 'play' with far supercede those in the 'vanilla' world in many cases.

It is not ALL about sex with other people, and it is not about sex with total strangers.

I truely wish that the Dr. would have spent more time listening and less time asking questions. Perhaps instead of focusing in on audience laughter at terms they don't understand... give the guest a chance to explain. Given the chance to speak openly, most people in the lifestyle could explain the true nature of it in a short period of time...5-7 minutes.

I would have liked to have seen that done.

My husband is in the military and he is deployed alot, we have a very open relationship that allows me 1 partner while he is gone, as long as he knows about it and the other person knows about it, and that it will never evolve into anything more than sex. Is this wrong?

I can not believe you are saying there is a new monogamy. Monogamy as defined in the dictionary is
Monogamy 1:marriage with but one person at a time.2:the practice of having a single mate during one period of time.

Having sex with more than your spouse is cheating! There is no other explanation except people want to cover up their infidelity and call it by another name. It is one big lie. Here is the dictionary's definition of what you are calling the "new monogamy"
Adultery 1:extramarital sex 2:voluntary sexual relations between a married person and somebody other than his or her spouse.

Throughout history adultery has broken families the foundation of every country. It has caused anguish and heartache for the families and friends involved.
If this new "polygamy" is really ok than how come they can't get invloved with co-workers and people that live within fifty miles?
I have the answer they are scared their spouse will leave them.

So, when they choose a threesome is it always a woman so more in line with an old-fashioned menage-a- trois, benefitting the man? And, when the "above the waist" rule is applied, how exactly does the wife benefit from this? All sides of this new monogamy reeks of old 'wife swapping' as well as the Mormon polygamy and cult wife sharing such as Dr. Keith highlighted recently (the man has 25 wives and 75 children. How is that equal?)

Yes, this can work. In my relationship, we've never actually done this, but I am sure that it will happen. Like the woman on the show said, "He has sex with her, but he only makes love to me." That is so true! Sex is just a fun thing to do; it's like a hobby. I like to believe that I am very good, and when you are good at something, don't you want to show everyone your great skills? I just loved how everyone on the show was so honest about how this can work. Dr. Keith couldn't seem to understand that sex and love are 2 different things. Hasn't he ever fantasized about another woman when he was with his wife? Sleeping with someone else (whether it be in the actual physical sense, or just a fantasy) makes you appreciate your spouse that much more when you come home at night. I am bisexual and my husband lets me look at/fantasize about as many women AND men as I want, just as I let him do the same. And when the day does come that one of us brings someone home, my only rule is to make sure the other isn't home!

When I first heard about the New Monogamy I didn't think it could work. Then after reading the book, "Doin One for the Team" - I got a different perspective on the Lifestyle. Now my wife and I are exploring things slowly. So, far so good.

I thought the term for what these couples were engaged in was "Swinging" or "Wife Swapping". It seems this practice is not anything "new" as far as I can tell. These couples had their own sets of "rules" which made this practice more confusing that the different levels of vegetarians. I knew of one person who said he and his wife had an "open marriage". One day he was so distraught because his wife had left home and he hadn't seen her for days. She was willingly with another man. In the end, they divorced. So much for all this "sexual freedom" that they were promoting. It was nice that one member of the audience asked about STD's. Then what would happen if pregnancy resulted, wouldn't that make the situation very complex. This whole thought of "you can have sex with this person, but you can't sit and have a cup of coffee with them and talk is ridiculous". As the expression goes, "different strokes for different folks". The only person on the panel who broke this down to it's most basic component was Daniel who admits that he is a pleasure lover because he likes a lot of sex with multiple partners and he knows that society does consider his behavior to be IMMORAL.

My husband and I have practiced this lifestyle for almost 8 years now and love it. It brings us closer together than we have ever been before. I am 34 and he is 35. We have made some wonderful friends that will be life long friends as well. Our kids get along great together and for that matter our families love our new friends. It keeps us excited and aroused at all times.

All of these couples have completely destroyed the sacred matrimony of marriage and everything that it stands for. They are basically telling their spouse and they do not fully satisfy them and that they must go to someone else to get it. Marriage is between one man and one woman forever...there are not many blurry lines within that definition. These people were completely naive in thinking that this was healthy and that this was good for their marriage. They are exposing their marriages and their emotions to extreme danger, not to mention their health. The boundaries of marriage were put into place for a reason and it was not for someone to fool around with. How do you explain your morals and priorities when you get jealous of another woman kissing your husband but not when a woman is having sex with your husband? What has the world come to when it comes to marriage? Sex and love should be within a marriage to begin with and should stay there with your spouse. Period. Going outside of that can bring utter destruction to your marriage and to yourself.

i have been in the "new" monogamy relationship for almost 3 years...as long as there is trust and communication it works..and i find myself learning little things my partner likes, that i never would have thought of otherwise :)

I about flipped when I saw this show for the first time! There we were on tv....not really but where we're from we can't find anyone like us...(the new monogomy) We met on a blind date and have been together just over a year. We are both first's at it but enjoy it! There are rules and we respect them. If we can't agree... it's just tossed out! It seems to work for us. But the rules are very definate. Comunication and Trust is the two big factors. We've only been able to find a few people to play with but we're o.k. with it. We enjoy it from time to time for a "rush" But don't want it everyday! It's not for everyone. Ecspecially if you are a jealous type! Anyways, I'm glad that we're in the "new"! LOL! If it works go for it!

Cheating is doing something behind your spouses back in secret. The New Monogamy represents open honest communication and hiding nothing with full approval from your spouse. However, there are different levels of "acceptable" playing with others. The majority of couples we know, only play together and can't play separately. Any Lifestyle that promotes open honest communication can be healthy. It isn't for everyone, but it is definitely working for millions of couples that are "swingers" or to use the new hip term - in "The New Monogamy". It has been around a very long time and recently grown in popularity with the ease of access to other like minded couples through the internet. It is more common than you think.

I watched the first few minutes and it was so sick I couldn't stand it. It's one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard of in my life. Did you notice they've only been together for 3 months?! That is a sick relationship. I was afraid I was going to have every moral stripped away if I kept on watching a moment longer.

It's too bad that the first time I ever watch Dr. Ablow that THAT is his topic. I have been looking forward to seeing the show. I even put it on my Microsoft Scheduler to remind me.

In the back of my mind I am holding out hope that toward the end of the show that he told them the reason they were so messed up is that they were abused as children. What a gross relationship! Just think of all the sexually transmitted disease!

We have been in the lifestyle for 22 years and have been married for 17 years and are very happy, and very much in Love. You have to be open to the lifestyle in order for it to work.

Hmm have so my questions with this all. It's not for me .And if your realtionship will improve by this all. ?????

I rarely comment on the things I see, but this comment is not about judging the participants in this lifestyle of the 'new monogamy' but rather just pure disgust of how we want to just manipulate and mutilate the english language. The 'new monogamy' as it's being portrayed is a complete oxymoron of what the given definition is : which is marraige with only one person at a time; a single sexual partner during a period of time. While consenting adults have the right to participate in whatever behaviors they choose, let's please not redefine words just because they're redefining boundaries. REALLY,we have enough confusion going on already!

I enjoyed the show and can see it working where the couple secure with themselves and trust each other. I certainly see sex and love as 2 different things. joan*

I think it will work only if the couple invites a person or couple to join them as a couple and all have fun together so that nothing is said or done in secret.

We watched the show and just wanted to say that we would have enjoyed hearing more facts regarding this lifestyle and less media propaganda.

I have been married 4 times and have been in a few monogamous relationships as well. I am what you would call a "newbie" myself in the "lifestyle". I have found that the "peeps" I have met in this community are more open and honest than any of the men I have experianced in monogamy. As long as it stays "open" on all fronts I think this is a great alternative to the misery of deceitful monogamy.

This so-called "new monogamy" can be dangerous. My brother became friends with a couple heavily involved in the "swinging" lifestyle. At some point, the wife "fell in love" with my brother. The husband felt betrayed and my brother was trapped. It all came to a tragic ending when my brother was murdered by the husband. If you can justify the breaking of one commandment (adultery), you can justify the breaking of another.

what you are talking about with the panel today is swinging.

Open relationship on the other hand involve relationships. It isn't all about sex.

An openess to be able to have more sex with more than one partner while sharing the love with the one you are married to tells you how strong the love and trust that the new type of monogamy show to each other, far more than a regular married couple.

We are fairly new to the swinging scene, been dabling for about four months. It seems almost everyone around us was involved in it, so it was if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I feel it has brought us closer together because we talk about everything and are very honest. I do tend to get jealous about a lot of it though.

Yes, my husband and I are in the lifestyle and absolutely love it. We have fulfilled many fantasies together and have made many wonderful friendships with other couples like us. Instead of having "Girls Night Out" or "Guys Night Out" we have "COUPLES night out" and absolutely love our times together! The lifestyle has made our marriage even stronger than ever! We are promoters and entertainers within the lifestyle party sector.

I am inquiring about today's show, I did not catch most of the show, but my fiance and I have been togethr for 5 years and we are in the lifestyle for 2 years and if you ever have another show about this topic we would love to be part of that show! There are some things your audience did not agree with and I think I can help them understand it better.

I am considering this as an option for my relationship. I highly value my partner and first and foremost he is my best friend- I recognize that he has this desire and want him to have all that life has to offer. I know that it does not diminish our connection. Can anyone offer some resources to me regarding this subject?

The difference in the situation described in the email from Heather was not simply that her boyfriend was "involved" with another woman as you implied. The difference that makes a difference in any open relationship is the presence or lack of honesty. In addition, it is the only way to manage such relationships ethicalIy.

I hope you will do a show on polyamory soon. Polyamorous relationships have rules as well, they just aren't the same rules used by your guests in open marriages. Polyamorous individuals become involved with multiple partners in every way that makes sense for that particular relationship. For the most part, we don't deal with the possibility of jealousy by requiring sex to take place only with both members of the couple present. The most effective way to handle the insecurities that might give rise to jealousy in polyamory is to be completely honest about your feelings as well as about your behavior. Intimacy is really about your desire to truly know one another. You can have much richer relationships, with or without additional sex partners, if your commitment is to practice honesty with everyone you choose to love.

Further (I forgot to mention this), the legal issues of married polygomy really should be addressed since legal marriage in this country is still considered to be faithful union and are part of standard wedding vows. So much so that the biggest, legal rationale for divorce is infidelity.

hi, i guess these couples have forgotten the concept of being soulmate. i feel very depresed seeing that true meaning of marriage is vanishing. I think Dr. should do show on true marriages- those who have lasted truely.....

I am most bothered by the social and political aspects of married polygomy. This is considered deviant in our society, yet these people enjoy all the tax laws and health benefits allowed married people, while myself and my monogamous partner are not allowed such benefits because we are homosexual. It is the worst slap in the face to homosexual people who are upstanding citizens.

My husband and I have an open relationship... I have to say it is all about keeping an open line of communication with each other and being able to let each other know exactly how you feel... You can't hide anything from the other person...
NO! it isn't for everyone, but it can definatly work...

Hi Dr. Keith

My marriage is open. We've been married 33 yrs as of November 5th. We've had an open marriage of almost all of those 33 yrs. It began when we had only been married a few months and an older woman (she was 36)and Randy were at work and she took him out to the parking lot and she "rocked his world" he was 19 at the time. He came home and told me he wanted to tell me something exciting that had happened to him but didn't want to destroy US. One of the things I always liked about Randy was that he told me the truth. So he told me his story. I was at first crushed and thought "oh great, I'm going to have a "typical" marriage." My Dad had cheated on my mom several times during their marriage and I saw how it destroyed her. I took a week to think about what his story meant and how I felt about it. I finally realized that they had just "played" and that it wasn't anything like what my Dad had done to my Mom and that I didn't want a " typical" marriage, so I told him what I had decided and that if he were to be with someone then he had to tell me because I wouldn't tolerate being lied to or cheated on. So began our open marriage. She went by the way side after that first time and a few years later he was with someone else. I was hugely over weight and not involved with any one until I lost a lot of weight. Yes there were lots of discussions as well as tears before we grew into what worked for us as a couple. WE enjoy friends for lovers WITHIN our marriage not OUTSIDE our marriage as you said several times on your show today. As I'm sure you've become aware of different levels of what is within open marriages, mine is different as well. We started out playing solo meaning he was with others as was I, seperately. Years later we played together with others, either single people or with other couples. One couple we had "played" with I came to not care for. Randy continued to see them and I went on to play seperately. Years later I met a young woman online. She was living with someone in Ohio. We four began to talk online for a few months and then decided to meet half way between our homes.Things didn't work out between Tara and her friend so she asked to come see us. Randy and I discussed her visiting and agreed to let her come stay in our home. She moved here and stayed with us for 6 years. We began a polyamorous relationship but I preferred to stay seperate from their relationship. She is a remarkable young woman who through time and effort has become a big part of our marriage. She has always known that our unit comes first and has never crossed that line. They have been together for 13 years now. They play as a couple with others and I still go solo. This works the best for us, I love to go and enjoy going to swing clubs which have a club or party atmosphere or to house parties. Randy is a homebody and doesn't care for crowds or groups of people.

It works for us because we have always been open and honest with each other as well as with those we are involved with. Our marriage is sacrosanct. He is the first to tell a woman that I am his wife and that that will never change and if they can't accept that then they need to go on with their lives with out him. I tell others that my heart is given and will never go to another. Yes you can have many variations in a marriage. Yes, you can be faithful to your spouse with in an open marriage or relationship Yes, you can or don't have to have "rules." Each couple works out what levels they are comfortable with. That is why it's called "LIFESTYLES" with and "S."

One of the questions asked today on your show was "why be married?" my reply "Why not be married?" Nothing changes. The same trust and committment applies.

Good Afternoon,

I am watching the Can the 'New Monogamy' Work?...show. This is not something I would be open to. However, for those that are, my one concern would be the STD's that get passed around. What do they do for themselves to make sure they are protected? Do they get tested every 6 months? (if not more) Do they require the couples they are interested in to be tested prior to the sexual meetings? With how today is, I would think and hope, that this is one of the first "RULES" they set for themselves.

Thank you for your time and allowing me to post.

Hi Dr Albow, saw your "new monogomy" show today and really thought that you were very fair and non judgemental. I am a 58yo female and have been involved in the lifestyle for about 15 years. I met my current husband 7 years ago and married 5 years ago with him joining me in the lifestyle. As we mature we find ourselves less active than previously but occasionally still play. We have a few rules but not too many as we have found that folks with lots of rules aren't much fun. I would say that, unlike the pronouncements on your show, less than 50 percent of swingers routinely use condoms when they play.

Jody (and Larry)

On the new monogamy. I see no couple on the show is holding hands.... thats not what i call a very deep mariage.

the bonds of matromony put restrictions on caring and feelings for other. The people in the relationship have to know the bounderies and be strong in the committment to be in the open lifestyle. Not everybody can be but it does have it's good points and bad points, just like marriage does.

Can people love more than one person? Why or why not? I think God created us to love and need love. Each person should ask where their idea of one man and one woman came from, the Bible? Maybe, maybe not.

I was married for 7 years and at about year 3 my ex and I started participating in the "swinging" lifestyle. We were only with a few couples and made some great friends, to the point that we would have family gatherings, etc with one couple in particular. I always felt secure and like there was a difference between love and sex and there is HOWEVER, sex entices intimacy and that is dangerous to any relationship. My ex started seeing the woman of a couple we were "swinging" with (we only did this together)behind my back and is now married to her.

We had a healthy relationship. The lesson is that this opens many doors and is dangerous ground to walk on.

I am now in a totally monogamous relationship and am deeply in love. I can't even fathum my fiance being w/ any one other than me. And that is how it should be.

We have been in this lifestyle now for about 7 years. My wife is the love of my life and the very best sexual partner I could ever think of. We enjoy the social interaction and the honesty of people in this lifestyle. We don't 'cheat' on our spouses because we're totally honest with them. We have many friends that do this. Some we play with, some we don't. But they are all our friends. We wouldn't change.

I agree with robyn; I don't see that an open relationship should be a problem, as long as the communication is open, too.

I have been married and monogamous for 27 years, however I do not appose the new monogamy lifestyle.

I beleive that hundreds of years of "imposed morality" from religious and political leaders has lead us to be far to judgmental of those involved in alternative lifestyles.

Dr. Keith
my husband had taken me to a swingers club. the thought that not all men are created equal is very intriguing to me.! we sometimes suppliment our sex with various toys. he said that he would swing again but i know that won't happen again-(butit's the thought that counts.) he wants me to be satisified, but for me toys are the answereven though i was fully satisified with our outting (which by the way was his doing). he often talks about doing it again, but i'd rather just talk about it. there was no negative outcome from our experience, just enhancement and no regrets!!! thanks for your show topic- the people on the show sounded nuts. i suppose it is one thing to experiment once but another to live the life style. i cannot judge, what we did goes against our personal beliefs and for that we were morally wrong and we won't do it again. we ejoyed it and we have no regrets. we are married 10 years strong. our experiment allowed us to open up to each other about what we like and dislike, and we are honest. i am a victim ofmollestationby a family member and a rape by a stranger. i wonder how many of your guests have the same background. i have found that you are either a nimph or you have major issues prohibiting you to enjoy sexual relations. me? i'm a nimph with my husband who taught me that it is ok to enjoy sex and experiment on how to enhance our pleasures together. this is a matter that is kept private between us and shared with no one. thanks for allowing me to share this topic with you.

My husband and I have been married for 14+ years. We have been in the "New Monogamy" life style for almost 5 years. This is a life style that works for us. It isn't for everyone. It is hard to be open about it because other people think it is unethical. I agree with the man on the show today that said it would be easier to be gay. I finally was brave enough to tell my "best friend" but she jumped right into God's chair and passed judgement on myself and my husband. She said that she thinks I have self esteem issues and that my husband must not truely love me because he shares me. I learned a tough lesson, never tell. The only people that know my husband and I live this way is other people that do the same. Love and sex are two different things. My husband and I get together with other couples to play cards, go boating, and sometimes have sex. -Amy

My husband and I have been in the lifestyle for 8 years. We have done everything from same room to playing separately. All the people we play with we meet in person first and see where it goes. Alot of the people we play with we are friends with.

We personally know hundreds of happy, well adjusted couples who have fun with this lifestyle.

It works really well when the primary relationship is very strong and communication is excellent, if those elements are not present it is a recipe for disaster.

Those couples are SO pathetic. Having done that at one point in my life, I can tell you that the repercussions often 'lurk' in the preconscious for years and come out in the most destructive ways... ways you can't even begin to imagine. Almost everything you do TODAY impacts what you do, feel and think years hence. Most people do not have the courage nor the character strength to admit mistakes they've made. The best thing is to not make OBVIOUSLY stupid things today! From personal experience as well as a lifelong observer of the human condition, situational ethics are worthless!

As a teacher, *I* see the tremendous price that children, even adult children pay for these self-centered behavours. Those people are still infantile in their psychosocial development and seriously need to examine the REAL reasons behind this destructive behaviours and attitudes.

Why isn't anyone mentioning STDs and those disasterous effects???
ALL those panelists/guests need a serious wakeup call!

I'm really proud of you, Dr. Keith for your open-minded approach to this issue. I saw you talking about open relationships first on the Tyra Banks show, and I was impressed with your willingness, as a psychologist, to consider it a potential alternative for couples who seek to be radically honest with each other about their lives and their preferences. I've been in a committed relationship for 12 years, 8 of which have been open, and in 7 of which we have been married. We got together when we were young, and hadn't had a lot of life experience yet. But we knew we were connected at the soul level, and wanted to stay together. When he asked me to marry him, I told him that I was bisexual, and I didn't think I could make the traditional monogamous commitments of a marriage. My parents were separated at that time because of infidelity, and I wasn't sure I ever wanted to be in that position either. But we both wanted to make our relationship work together. We have rules, too. They evolve over time, and I think that this only works if you are sensitive enough to feel when they need to change, or when one partner has concerns. We have been with other people together, but mostly apart. We have separate and intimate, and emotionally connected relationships with other people. But that only works if the other person involved turns out to be comfortable with the partner he/she is not with, and if that person can be as openly honest about their needs and concerns as we are. As a bisexual woman, it doesn't work for me to just be emotionally detached and having sex with others. I want the intimacy of connecting with a woman, and can't imagine separating my emotional self from the experience of being together. We, unlike most of your guests, are open to the idea that someday we may make the connection that causes our commitment to expand with/to someone else. We have maintained long-term friendships with past lovers, and most of our friends respect the way we treat our connections outside of our relationship. We still run into former lovers around our city, and have a warm and friendly repore, with sincere interest about how each other is doing, and who we might be dating now. Obviously, not every relationship works out that comfortably. Some people get caught up in blame and jealousy, and don't stay connected to us, but that is the exception, not the rule. My greatest difficulty in the situation is that I'm bi, and women who are looking for women, rarely want one that is attached to a man, and that can be difficult for me. Also, there is a lot of pop culture now about it being cool for women to be together, and so if I go out, women toy with me to turn on their boyfriends, but then give me the "I could never seriously date a woman" speech afterwards, which I have come to truly despise. It is hard being not gay, not straight, not monogamous, not really promiscuous (I never have one-night stands) in this culture of labels and categories. I like to date and court, and within my world, that carries a lot of suspicion unless someone can truly take the time to get to know me. I can't stand the swingers scene, for all the reasons other non-monogamous couples seem to love it. So I'm out looking on my own, or with my partner, but both are difficult in trying to get others to understand where you are coming from. Well, that's my long two cents. Dr. Keith, if you ever want to do a show on the difficulties of being bisexual in this culture, I would be happy to be a guest. Until then, blessings on your great show!

My husband and I have explored the swinging life style and started to dip our feet into it. I do believe that for the people that do their homework and always talk to your partner about how you feel, this is a fun and great way to explore sexually. We have two small children and we try and keep our lives seperate. I do believe Sex and Love can be seperate.

My Husband of 25 + years and I have been involved in the lifestyle for about 6years. we have 4 children and what we consider to be a normal life, there have been good and bad experinces in the lifestyle but we have learned more about each other because of our adventures than if we had never tried to live out these shared fantasies. I belive that our marrige is much stronger because we are open. The most important point that your show made was that as long as married people stay commited to thier relationship and thier partner and respect all boundries then nothing is taboo.

just because married couples agree that it is ok to have sex out of the relationship doesn't make it right, it is still a sin in God's eyes. right their with killing and stealing, is ADULTRY. but some people in the world also say it's ok to kill. their is not suppose to be a difference between sex and love. why get married if you want to be in an open relationship?

I am in a relationship that has not much sex involved, but a deep understanding love is involved between the 2 of us. He has a relationship with his secretary that involves phone conversations in the evening, but no sex. Do you have any comments on this? Sometimes I do not know what to think, but am beginning to understand since viewing the new monogamy show.

Me and my husband are concidered "swingers" and we have been married for 6 years and this has made our realationship INCREDIBLE!! I wish I was on the show today..

Hi...I just seen your show about the new monogamy. My husband and I are currentally looking for a couple because we are interested in this. We have had sex with another couple while we were dating but it didnt go so well but afterwards talking about it we didnt think about what our boundaries would be before hand...Just recentally we tried it again actually with a ex-girlfriend of my husbands just recentally and it went REALLY good. Even though I still had a couple of worries afterwards...with reasureance from my husband we are looking to do it again and since the second time it has made out love life more exciting..After having our daughter we maybe had sex 2 times a week..NOW we have sex almost every day! And we are more open with each other since this experience.I think it is healthy for a realtionship to be open with their sexuality.

You presented a very controversial subject from a very biased perspective. None of your guests presented the other "dark" side of swinging. I have known MANY people from the "lifestyle" -- almost all of their relationships ended up in ruin as a result of the inherent pressures, emotions, etc., of the lifestyle. Granted, some people may be able to make it work, but there are many relationships that crumble as a result of swinging. Unfortunately, you did not even have one guest who spoke from this perspective. What gives? Geez, even Tyra (who is not professionally trained is such matters) presented both sides of the "Girls Gone Wild" show even though it was obvious that she was adamantly opposed to the concept. You, as a responsible psychiatrist and talk show host, should have at least tried to present a more balanced view of this highly controversial lifestyle. (And for those who read this and think I’m a religious fanatic diametrically opposed to swinging, that is not the case. I pass no judgment on those in the lifestyle, but only comment on my observations of those who have tried it and failed.)

I am VERY surprised that so many people have such a huge problem with this sexual lifestyle. I am 22 and my Fiancé is 23 and we enjoy the new monogamy life style. We are getting married in June and couldn't be more in love. We too have a rule, and it is that we play together. It truly makes our sex life with each other alone amazing. It is just sad that people can't be more open-minded. I also believe that if people were more open-minded our nation's divorce rate would be much lower.

This is the one subject that truly upsets me. My parents were swingers since before I was born & up until my teenage years.

I remember being very small and knowing what sex was. I walked in enough times to get an eye full. Countless times I would get locked outside of strange houses with other children and told to play, while we could hear them inside. How could we play...many times we sat silent with our heads hung low. As much as my parents told me that it was natural and normal, they would also tell me not to tell, otherwise I would be taken away by the state. Their lifestyle effected mine greatly. I grew up in fear of being taken away. I never had the chance to be normal. I couldn't invite kids for sleepovers because eveyone was always running around naked.

I also grew to hate what they did and ended up with a hang-up that sex and being naked was dirty. I hate infidelity to this day.

So what happened to my parents? When I was a teen, the met the last couple that they swapped with. My mother fell for the other man & divorced my dad, and the other couple divorced. Then my mother married the man, and my father married the woman. So my step-mother and my step-father were once married to eachother. Talk about a disfunctional family. They haven't spoken for many years. I do know that my step-mother feels like it was the biggest mistake of her life.

If you have or want children, please don't swing. You may think they don't know, but they do. Every kid I knew from the other swingers hated their parents lifestyle just as much as I did. One teenage girl actually snuck me out of the house while both of our parents were "busy" and we headed for the church to tell what had been going on, but half way there she broke into tears and took me back to the house in fear. What I was exposed to as a child was very shamefull to me and still is to this day.

Not only are you exposing your children to your lifestyle, you are putting them in danger of possible sexual abuse.

BTW: My mother has suffered for the last 25 years with her own shame. She won't talk about her past, and acts like it never exists. I have had a strained relationship with her because she's kept me at arms length because she's afraid that I will expose her past. We are just now starting to try to rebuild our relationship. She is afraid that if people knew what she had done, they wouldn't like her anymore. So she has lived a lie and acts as though 1/2 of her life doesn't exist. That 1/2 of her life included my whole childhood. She knows that God has forgiven her, but she cannot forgive herself.

She was pressured into it by her husband just 1 year after they were married. He said their marriage would get stale if they didn't swing, and it would keep them from getting a divorce.

Don't make the same mistake and let yourself get pressured into what could be one of the biggest mistakes of your life. Think good & hard before you decide this is what you want.

My husband have talked about this in detail and have been with another couple one time. We have been married 1 1/2 years. I have been with other women and always had a booty call when I was single. The thing I find strange about this life style is the few times I have been with a women, since I have known husband its been a promblem, and we have gotten in to an argument about it. We want this in our life's we just can't agree on what is right, other couples, other men, other women, one thing we both agree on is.. nither of us can be with someone else without our partner.

I watched the show with interest as my husband and I practice in this "lifestyle". The sheer number of individuals in the audience that spent the majority of the show shaking their heads at the guests, I must say, disgusted me. One woman even asked how the guests could raise young children and be "good" role models. Allow me to answer that: I am an excellent mother to two young children. My children are well-behaved, well adjusted, have probably the best manners you will ever see in a child of today, am on the PTO board, and am an active and integral part of my children's lives. Indeed, I would say that I am an even BETTER role model than those who shake their heads at other people's choices. I teach my children acceptance. I teach my children that as long as an individual isn't hurting others, then they are probably generally a good person and until they KNOW otherwise to treat that individual with respect. Most people who say that this lifestyle is wrong will fall back on the old standby of Christian beliefs, and yet I find that I have yet to meet ONE Christian who practices the "Golden Rule" of the religion, "Judge not, lest ye be judged." If it's not for you, don't practice it. No loss for us, I promise you. But dare not stand in judgement of us.

We have been practicing the new monogomy for almost 5 years now. We are extremely happy and we are closer to each other than we have been to anyone else before. Neither of us had been in this type of relationship before, and the way it came up was a very intimate and sexually exciting moment. I truely believe that being very intimate, close, and having a strong trust and foundation before opening ourselves to others is the only way to go. You really need to be completely honest about all your feelings in this type of lifestyle;and it is very liberating, in that way. Since you feel so surely that you can trust and completely give and share your feelings and thoughts about what some would say are very fearful and hard to talk about subjects; the pure confidence you have in each other that they already respect and LISTEN to you, makes the rest of the relationship very loving and strong. I would love to keep sharing, so if anyone has a question or comment I would love to hear it, and continue posting.

We have been happily married for 17 years, and we decided to venture into the lifestyle last Feb. We couldn't be happier. After 20 years on Monogomy we had "tried" just about everything to keep our relationship fresh and exciting. This has been the next step, and has been a wonderful experience for both of us. We have met some very wonderful people and great friends with benefits. It is very possible to have emotion free sex. And it is possible to live a moral life and participate in the lifestyle, the only people who need to accept our choices are eachother. The biggest key for this to work is COMMUNICATION!!!!!! Our relationship has grown stronger by participating in this lifestyle, it has opened a whole new line of communication for us.

My husband and I did the swinging thing or new monogamy life. It was very hard!!!!!!!! I always cheated in my relationships so when we meet he asked if it sounded fun ,ofcourse sex with no guilt....no,never once I sleep with someone it is emotional. I feel as though it did seem fun and spiced up the sex life but I felt like he maybe didn't love me enough because he could let me sleep with other people. In the end I think if you can be honest and open about how you feel and talk with no worries about what they would think about you (BEST FRIEND) then we can make it or anyone else could , without sleeping with someone. you can talk about crazy sex but keep it as fantacy. Now I don't know if my husband agrees, he really liked the lifestyle but at the end of the day it was driving me crazy and he chose me over the drama and scary diseases!!!!!!!!!!! Would not suggest this life for anynoe with emotions!!!!!!!! Thanks, Gina

Something that all too often gets OVERLOOKED about the swinger lifestyle is the critical critical foundation of raw (sometimes brutal) communication between a couple regarding their human nature, their sensuality & erotica! But BOTH have to already be in touch with all of that BEFORE they go into the lifestyle!

Love the one your with.

After a failed marriage due to infidelity(by my other half), I was determined to find a compromise in my next relationship. I KNOW he is faithful to me as a partner and do not worry about him cheating. We both enjoy other people freely without guilt. I have found more trust in this relationship than any other I have been in.

As long as a couple is open and honest this can work, and does for my husband and myself. We are both bisexual and as such I can never be a man for him or he a woman for me, this type of life opens those doors for us. We are currently seeing another bi couple and are friends as well as lovers. There are rules and we all respect them. But we do things other than have sex and I think thats the key to having this work well. We know their children and ours know them as well. No one in our small town has any clue we're more then good friends.

This lifestyle:
You either get it or you don't. It is the closest relationship you can have.

As for if this lifestyle works yes it does my wife and i have tried it and find it satisfying in alot of ways but it is not for the faint of heart if your marriage isnt strong and based on love it will cause problems some you may not be ready for but if your marriage is based on love then it will be fun and exciting for you both, love and sex are two very different things so take care to know the difference and make sure your partners know the difference as with anything else dont jump to quick with out waying all that can happen communication is the key.

My partner and I are involved in this lifestyle and the one thing that has not been referd to is the differance between pleasers of the flesh and pleasers of the heart. Whould love to gointo this moor and ansew moor of your questions.
thank you
Laura

I guess my biggest fear if two people are having sex with other couples are STD, aids etc. It only takes one moment with the wrong person to get a lifetime disease. This would not work for me & everyone has their own preferences some like older, younger, married or same sex partners. I don't feel there would not be any trust between us. I don't feel it would be sending my three boys the right message. Nothing is wrong with sex, but I would not want my children having sex in groups or with different people (would be like playing Russian Roulet). I would hope that their moment to be special and cherish "one" partner. This lifestyle looks like meaningless "open" rabbit breeding grounds. I think that these people are insecure.

I just watched your show "The New Monogamy". Personally, I thought that it was great that the topic was presented on national television. Most people would be amazed at how many people or couples engage in this lifestyle. On the other hand, I believe that this topic was presented in a fairly negative way. This behavior may seem odd to the general public, but deviance is only odd to those who view it that way. For instance, there is an island where the men do not engage in sex becuase they believe that semen is their lifeforce. Therefore, they are only allowed to have sex on certain days. They believe that they get their lifeforce in childhood from adults, so, as children, they give oral sex to adult males. To us, that seems completely disgusting and wrong, however, to them it is completely normal and common. The swinging lifestyle is the same way. It is not for everyone, and no is trying to force that way of life on anyone. But for those who participate in it, there is nothing wrong or immoral about it. I think it is great that you would show America this type of lifestyle. However, I just think that it should not be refered to in a negative light. If people want to engage in swinging, then that is their choice, and if they choose to be only with their one partner, then that is also their choice. No one is asking anyone else to judge their lifestyle choices.

Dr. Keith,
I just watched your show on "The New Monogamy" My wife and I have had an exclusive relationship with another couple for over two years. We have been married 32 years and so has the other couple. We all participated in HIV testing before having unprotected sex and agreed not to have sex with any other people. We are all emotionally involved as well and there is absolute mutual trust. We don't always play together and on some occasions have swapped and spent the entire night separately with no jealousy or any other repercussions. We travel together, work on projects together, and are enjoying life to the fullest. It's like a four way marriage yet we all remain completely devoted to our spouses. With the right couple and mindset, we are convinced the The New Monogamy is viable.

what happins if the partner getts pg? do they get a background test on these people for std or other heath problums?

Maybe some people do feel a difference between love & sex. But I do not. I have been in the lifestyle, mostly because my husband cheated on me and I was afraid he might do it again, so I agreed to that lifestyle, but it wasnt for me and we decided to end it, shortly after that he cheated on me again. It's been 2 1/2 yrs now,I forgave him once again and he hasnt cheated since. Although occasionally he will bring up the lifestyle, but I always tell him 'No Way'.

Yes i was watching u show today.and where i from we have swinger life style..me and my husband go every weekend to a swinnger party.far us it spice up or marriage...there a web site u can go to its call www.swinglifestyle.com check it out..have a good one ..im from louisiana

My husband and I have been living the life style that was on your show today for about 6 years..I am the one that went to him and said I wanted to try it! We have meet many wonderfull couples and have made alot of friends in the lifestyle. I trust my husband 100% as he does me. We have rules yes...but it is a life style that many many many married couples live! We are just everyday normal couple living life and enjoying it!!

My husband and I are in "the lifestyle" for almost a year and it has only added to our already great marriage and sex life. We have met some great loving married couples who we consider friends in and out of the "lifestyle". We find couples who play together stay together. We only play as a couple in the same room or place knowing what the other is doing at all times and respecting each other. In a world where there is so much divorce and straying of spouses. We feel the lifestyle should be accepted since couples in it usually have a mutual understanding and commitment to one another. The sex involved is purely recreational and fun and so is the adult conversation. The lifestyle allows committed couples to enhance their sex life adding a little spice and that is all.

How can you expect someone to control feeling like love attraction…?
I can from my spouse expect only one thing faithfulness. No other Emotion is controllable apart sex.

I DON'T CARE HOW LONG OR SHORT THESE COUPLES HAVE BEEN DOING THIS,IT IS EXTREMLY BAD NEWS AND IT CAN DESTROY THE CORE OF WHO YOU ARE AS A HUMAN BEING.

My wife and I have a couple that we hang out with socially, and occasionally sexually... For us, it is all about an adrenaline rush... Some people jump out of planes, we jump in bed... :)

Marc

I have in the past and am currently in an open relationship. We have rules we play by just like any other relationship. I have never been in a more rewarding and committed and especially loving relationship than the one I have with my husband. It was a new experience for him and he has no insecurities nor do I in our love for one another. We have been married for 5 years and had experienced the lifestyle prior to marriage. I couldnt imagine not having him to wake up to and he feels the same. We are very mature, and intellectually oriented to the notion that its just sex, not love. We remain friends with the couples we play with and have social gatherings that may or may not wind up sexual. It isn't immoral, it isn't perversion. We are always safe, and never "seek out" strangers. There is always a "courting" period; just like two people only it's two couples, and sometimes it's one person. Bottom line, its not for everyone, we don't announce it to everyone simply for the reason that general society are so judgemental and narrow minded that we would be viewed as sexual deviants. We don't consider what we do as being "non-manogamous", we consider we are faithful to one another because we are together when we do this, and we are emotionally attached to only one antoher. I have no doubts or reservations about this lifestyle.

call this what it is ...swinging, adultery, rediculous

This type of relationship would never work for me although I do believe there can be sex without love. Whatever works for the couple, aslong as they're practising safe sex, and all those involved consent.

Personally, I think you need to be very secure individuals to live this kind of lifestyle....or on the flip side, maybe have unresolved issues that could range from being afraid to commit, or being afraid of infidelity itself. I would imagine there are boat loads of issues that could result in this kind of lifestyle. That would have been a more interesting and insightful show.

Each to their own.

Hopefully no kiddies see this kind of behaviour.

I think we could have done without the show. There's enough interesting and helpful things that Dr. Keith can explore than nonsense like this. Go deeper, Dr. Keith.

Kess

We have been involved within the lifestyle for almost the entire 5 years we have been together. We feel that it is an extension of friendship and feel that more people need to be educated to the true nature of the lifestyle. Swinging is not just about sex but involves emotional attachments as friends.

Hi i just wanted to comment that the new monogomy can work. as long as both partners are on the same page with same rules. we are newbies and the more we are on sites and talk to people the more we like it.

if you are in a relationship with a man or a women it should only be that person you have sex with for the simple fact you don't know if the other person does not have a sexually transmitted disease whether or not you use protection it could fail

I think that the "new monogamy" that the couples practice is totally inappropriate and works against everything that monogamy stands for. In my opinion the new monogamy that any couple practices is sick and only errodes the core of monogamy which is to cleave to only one partner.

I think that the "new monogamy" that the couples practice is totally inappropriate and works against everything that monogamy stands for. In my opinion the new monogamy that any couple practices is sick and only errodes the core of monogamy which is to cleave to only one partner.

There's something wrong with this picture, Dr. Keith...and I think you should put your foot down. The boobs of the blonde behind you in this show is getting more air time than you. Ha!

Kess

I think mother nature might have something to say about the whole 'monogamy' thing. In order to carry the species forward there are many 'mate choosing' ideals that are ingrained in our being that work against the most conservative form of 'monogamy'.

If a couple can separate the love from the sex it can work. If a couple can keep the lines of communication open then it can work. If communication is an issue then jealously will seep in and the relationship will fail. It's definitely not for everyone, but it can work for those that want to pursue it. In the end it becomes more of a 'moral' issue then strictly an issue based on nature.

Nature says go for it. Nurture says be cautious.

I definitley think there is a difference between sex and love, so as long as the couple is in agreeance on that subject it should work.