i have been married for 20 years .my love is as strong as ever but my wants for sex have changed for me .i could live with out it but he still wants to and i dont how can i get my lust for him back .

Dr.Keith,I an a 19 yr old woman and my husband is absolutel wonderful,he's 22 and even though he is overseas fighting for his country,we still have an absolutely strong marriage,when im having a bad day,i'll go home and call him,and he will get back to me as soon as he gets the oppertunity,we've been together since i was 15 and he's always been supportive of my dancing career and my modeling career(which i won't go far in considering im only 5'3).When he comes home its so amazing because you can feel and even smell the passion between us,how much we missed each other its literally unreal.I love the fact that he protects me and when he feels im in danger he's quick to step in(he's an intimidating 6'4).we have an extremely healthy relationship from the support to the hot sex.but we do have 1 little problem,we ever we argue,its seems he closes off and doesn't want to work it out at that moment,he holds things in,but i just say what i feel.what can i do to make hime open up all the way with all of his emotions?

I was married for almost 22 years. I had an affair 7 years into the marriage, I told my husband a few years later. He forgave me and we stayed together. Then in 2003 we were going through some problems and I again felt alone and found myself caught up doing this again. It lasted on and off for a few months. Then in 2005 I had another one but this time I thought, anyway, that it was love. This person gave me all the things I was not getting from my spouse at the time. We were dating on and off for almost one year. I have recently ended it and do not want to do this ever again. My husband wants a divorce. We are seperated at the moment. I do not want the divorce. I am going crazy trying to figure out why I have done these things even though I love my husband. Is there any hope for us? I am seeking help in many different areas and trying to convince him for us to try counseling, again, before the divorce is final. Please help me.

Dear Dr. Keith,
I have been married to my husband for 30 years. During those 30 years he has two affairs that I know of. The most recent one has been going on for the pass year. I confronted him the middle of July about this because I finally had proof. He admitted to having the affair but refuses to discuss it at all. He just says that it is over and that we need to go on with our lives. I'm sorry but it is not that simple for me. He has said and done some pretty bad things to me emotionally this last year. I really don't know what to do. My children are mad at me because I haven't left him. Please help me with this problem if you can.
Phyllis in NC

Dear Mahasen, You go girl!

I knew you could do it. It was such a pleasure to get to know such a great woman. And you are such a strong a beautiful woman. Inside and out. I wish you the best on your journey. I thought that you would be in this relationship for a lot longer before you felt comfortable to leave Steve so I am just darn proud of you. Steve will be just fine, he has been stepping out all along and you just didn't want to admit it. Contact me as soon as you can just to keep in touch. I am keeping up with the other couple also. Kiersten and Maurice. This show was a blast and I am hoping that they will have us back. I am hoping that Dr. Keith will write a book to assist other Parents of preemies. Patrice & Maurice. By the way, the twins are doing great. I hope your little one is happier now.

I took the test and I got a 40! And by the way... my husband and I brush and floss in front of each other everyday. I heard what you said about that being an intimacy killer. You couldn't be more wrong. It is the very definition of Intimacy, with a capital I. It is the definition of sharing your Life together, with a capital L. Marriage is sharing your LIFE. Bills, crying, laughing, brushing, cleaning, sleeping, eating, being bored, being excited, all of it. Every single detail, right down to brushing your teeth. With all do respect, to be in your position and go on air telling women that they have to work to pretend that their whole marriage must be treated like a first date to keep their silly husbands interested is not only wrong, it is irresponsible. Women already have to work for less money, take care of children and households, and now, you tell them that they have to come home to their husbands and do yet another job of trying to keep up with these unattainable standards that MEN, especially men like you, put on them.
Well, Dr. Ablow, I thank God for my husband. I think God that we can share everything. He can watch me give birth to his child. I can pull a splinter from his foot. We can brush and floss and go to make and make love like rabbits. And I thank God, Dr. Ablow, I thank God that I am not married to you.

Dear Dr.keith,
I really enjoy your show it has gotten me to think about my life and how to fix some of the bad things in it like the relationship with my mom. Thanks

Hi Dr. Keith, this is Mahasen from the show "Bad Patch or Bad Relationship?" Well just an update on Steve and I. Since the show we have broken up. I packed his things and he is now living at his mothers. It's been 2 very hard months but lately for the past 3 weeks or so I have been much better. I really like being single now and am now able to see so many things clearer than I did before. I know what I WANT now and it feels great. Steve and I still talk here and there but things are not the same, I don't feel the same about him and since the show he has really gone on a spree as far as women are concerned. We hang around the same circle so I basically know every move he makes. Even when I don't want to know certain things people will call me up and tell me they saw him here or there. But could you believe that he still wants to get back with me?! Yes, he does! I don't think Steve will ever be ready to commit to me or anyone else for that matter. He loves to be in the limelight and I don't think he would give that up for anyone. Oh, I recently got promoted at my job too! Talk about great timing, I have been paying all the bills Steve left me with by myself! Anyway, if you ever want an update show to hook me up with a GREAT guy let me know. The number is still the same! Bye!

I took your test even though I did not watch the episode. I had a bad patch several years ago, just because communication breaks down, people grow and change, etc. Interestingly enough, I scored a 40 on my relationship today and I answered the questions as if I were still in the bad patch and still scored 40! I know that is hard for many to understand but it's true. I have never worried about him cheating on me, doing drugs or putting his own interests before the good of the whole family. It's not as if he is perfect but I know how hard he tries and he appreciates me as an individual and I appreciate him. That goes a long way. So sad for these women that have to deal with cheaters, liars, abusers, disrespect, addictions, etc. My heart goes out to them.

Dear Dr. keith,
It is my first time watching your show on the 9/29/06, with the group
the Plastics. they are the worst people on that show,
they are heartless, they have no sympathic bone in their body.
Let me tell how i feel about John, he really have a sad sad pass that he don't want to be aired, in as much they are bully,that does't mean they can reach out to people who are hurting, and give them a little advise.
thanks for reaching this.

I've been watching since the first day your show aired. I really like your approach when dealing with your guests. I've been married for 31 years and the past 15 years have been extremely tough. I took the test and failed. The test pretty much comfirmed my thoughts which doesn't exactly make me real happy. I've also been praying for guidance on my marriage and my health. I'm getting the same message in regards to my marriage. But, none of these realities make it any easier. Both of my adult children have also told me the same. So, I guess it is time to make a serious decision. But, it breaks my heart to think that I need to separate myself from my jr high sweetheart and the love of my life. My husband and I were married at the age 16 and 6 months later we became parents of our oldest child, a son who is now almost 31. We also have a 26 year old daughter. My husband has cheated on me, and mentally and physically abused me for several years now. The cheating started just 2 weeks after we were married and I just chalked it up to his age. Things have been especially bad for the past 10 years. He blames all of our problems on me and the fact that I suffer from chronic pain. I've had chronic lower back for 16 years and 8 years ago I was diagnosised with Fibromyalgia. In 2000, my therapist had a session with him and I and he had to tell him that I'm not faking any of my pain and explain to him what chronic pain is and how it affects the person suffering as well as other persons in their life. Well, it seemed to change his way of thinking but not for very long. This is only one of a host of issues in our marriage and now it is affecting our family. So, again, I guess it is time to make some serious decisions.

I am not sure about anything anymore with my 25 year marriage. I should be happy we could make it this long, but I think it is over. I just have to figure out how to make enough money to support myself and pay off all our debt. We scored 19, but my husband is a big drinker and my self esteem is so low I am not sure how much longer I can take being left alone while he goes to the bar. He has also started a myspace page at age 50 and has "friends" half his age. He has not cheated that I know of, but this makes me suspicious. I have attended alanon for the 1 1/2 years, it has helped a lot. I see a train wreck in my future if I stay. Life is too short to waste anymore time on this situation. I keep trying to get my head around planning a new life for myself, but my depression gets in the way. I hope I can get past the grief of what my marriage was supposed to be and hope for better in the future. Any hope and encocouragement from those who have been there would be great.

I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 26 YRS AND I TOOK THE MARRIAGE TEST AND SADLY I FAILED MISERABLY SCORING ONLY 3 POINTS. MY HUSBAND REFUSED TO PARTICIPATE IN MARRIAGE COUNSELING EVEN THOUGH IT WAS HIS IDEA AND WHEN I MADE CHANGES HE RIDICULED ME FOR DOING THAT AND CALLED ME MANIPULATIVE. HE HAS BECOME VERBALLY ABUSIVE NOW AND ABSOLUTELY REFUSES TO APOLOGIZE FOR ANYTHING OR SHOW EMPATHY FOR ME IN ANY WAY. HE HAS BAD MOUTHED ME TO MY 2 OLDER KIDS AND AS A RESULT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM IS ALMOST NON EXISTENT. I HAVE NEVER HAD ANY EMOTIONAL CLOSENESS OR SUPPORT FROM HIM. HE SAYS HE TRUSTS NO ONE. I HAVE NEVER LIED TO HIM OR DONE ANYTHING TO BREAK THIS TRUST HE SHOULD HAVE. I FIND MYSELF DEFENDING MY FEELINGS TO HIM AND AS A RESULT I HAVE BECOME DEPRESSED AND HAVE AN ANGER ISSUE. I STILL HAVE TWO YOUNG CHILDREN AND HOME AND BECAUSE I HAVE LUPUS IT IS NOT POSSIBLE FOR ME TO WORK. I AM STUCK AND CANNOT GET OUT . I LOVE HIM STILL BUT I LOVE MYSELF MORE BUT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO GET AWAY FROM HIM CONSIDERING MY SITUATION.MY HEART HAS BEEN BROKEN AND I WANT ANOTHER CHANCE AT HAPPINESS... SADLY NOT WITH HIM.

I scored a 19 on the "Bad Patch" test. We basically failed.The funny thing is, my relationship is not so bad where there is cheating or physical abuse. But in other ways, I think it may be worse.
I knew my husband as an aquaintance for about 10 years before we "re-met." When we re-met, I was weak and infatuated. I did not know myself or even really respect myself in a way where I knew what type of man I wanted and deserved. He is still a MAJOR homebody,non-social, big-tempered person (In hindsight, maybe I thought I could change that). He was also a heroin addict and was recovered for 6 years before we became involved. He is still clean, but is still the child that he was when he started using drugs. He has no experience with anything, a shotty family-life (in the past), and is such a complete pessimist.

Recently, I told my husband that if he did not truly know and love himself, he could not give himself to me or anyone. He did think about that, but never really said anything about it after.

In addition,I have an 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship which is now his step-daughter. She has an excellent relationship with her Dad and her Dad and I remain very good friends.
My husband and I also have a daughter who is now 3 years old and I feel like she and my eldest daughter are going to be cheated because of the relationship that my husband and I have.

The minute he walks through the door there is such negative energy in my home. He has made great improvements for himself over the years, but I fear that my children will suffer and have to go along for the "ride" as he tries. I do not want my children to be guinea pigs.
They have these precious years only ONCE. They are very impressionable!

In comparison to my husband, although I know I am far from perfect, WAS outgoing, optimistic, happy, and always eager to do new things. Not anymore. I was a very patient and good mother. I taught my eldest child everything and spent every lasting moment with her. I feel like I do not have that same energy for my youngest because of my husband. Now, I feel edgy, short-tempered and very close to pessimistic. His atitude is "rubbing off" on myself and our children! My kids are not happy and I often wonder if we would all be much better without him. I know that I could do it on my own, somehow.

My/his child(ren) (there is an obvious distinction in his eyes)are living unhappily right now. I know that if it were just me we would be so much happier.

i just posted my score and my husband and i have a high score i think your show is great

It was great to see our show. Since we have been there, our lives have really changed. We have an even deeper appreciation for each other and what family is all about. It was great to see the love between the two of us. Thanks for everything. Maurice & Patrice Barnes

i watched the show on bad patches and it made me think about my marriage and i took the quiz and the answer was i was going through a temporary bad patch.my husband and i got married in november of last year and that was a big problem for his mother due to the fact that she never wanted me for her son and thought our relationship and our son were a mistake and that really hurt me and he never did anything to make it better. a couple months after we got married he joined the military and then left soon after and that has brought us apart too. he came back to town for two weeks the first week it was great but the second he just changed he decided to leave with his friends and not only that but he lied about talking to a girl who was interested in him. im afraid hes cheated and that he just doesnt want to realize that hes married and he cant do wat he used to do before he got married. ive been at the point were i justwanna leave him he never shows he loves me hes never sweet to me etc...

I was at my doctors office this morning. I was able to watch a bit of your show. I was really impressed with Dr. Keith. I was very surprised with the test results. I scored a 25 and he scored a 24. I was pretty sure the results were going to tell us to move on. I might still just be wishing they said that. We are going to try marriage counceling. I hope I am able to catch some more shows. Keep It Up!
Thank You, for a great "real" episode. Keep them coming!

My partner and I have been together 31 years and I was watching the show on Bad Patches. It seems to me that if you are truly in love that there is nothing that can't be worked out by talking. Of course there are bound to be bad times but if the both partners are able to be mature, loving, and realistic about what caused the riff in the first place then what's the problem?? We all have problems but looking at the alternatives there is nothing that can't be worked out.

I have been married going on 19 years and the marriage is gone from good to worse. We have not had sex in almost a year, we do not communicate well. We disagree on everything and when we talk it always turns into an argument. We live like roommates with children. I think the worse thing that really happened was when he told me he is not here to make me happy. I think its time to split but I don't know how to do it.

I watched the show on bad patches. First I want to say that I truly admire the way in which you have such insight to people. I just want you to know that you have hit home with me on a few of your shows. Keep up the good work Dr Keith!!!!

I have been married 12 years,I have become very depressed over my marriage. My husband never takes me out, unless its to drink with him,he is a alcholic and a very mean drunk, he refuses help, I attend alanon and am trying to get professional help.I love him, but I dont know where to go from here,due to health reasons I can't work full time and money is tight.My children (all grown) think he's the best, they think his drinking is here and there, what they dont see are the holes in the walls, he's never hit me. Do I stay or go?

I caught the tail end of your show today and I am impressed that you remain neutral and actually help your guests! I plan to tune in again.

My husband and I have been married for nine years as of the 20th of Sept. but the 19th he asked me for a divorce. In the past he has cheated on me. I know of two times. I wanted to work things out and he said that we have tried for the past eight years. And it is not working. He told his step-mom that he told me if I accused him again it was over. When I returned home, he had packed his stuff and left.I don't know if I should wait and see if we can work things out. We have talked once since I have been home. I have packed all him other things and I what to know if I should tell him to keep going or wait and see if we can work things out? I love him and I want the best for my kids and I just don't know what to do.My kids are having a really hard time with all of this and I don't want them to think that this is the way that they should treat their wives when they get older.

I was watching the show this morning and i started to ask myself if these issues apply for me and so i took the quiz and im in trouble i know i love him and i think he does me but it just dont seem to work Its almost like he doesnt respect me but he still loves me

I watched the program this morning and wanted to comment about your advice regarding "name calling" when you're fighting with your spouse. I have been married for 20 years and when we were first married we had made an agreement not to call each other names because names DO hurt. It also takes the air out of an argument when you have to stop and think about what to say!! Through using this technique, for 20 yrs, we don't "fight", we disagree and compromise. We are still very happy. Thank you Dr. Keith!!

I was watching you're show for the first time today(9/26/2006), with the woman who had been with her boyfriend for 3 years and wanted him to marry her. It made me think about my relationship and what I am going through. I am young and my boyfriend is 15 years older than I am. We argue almost everyday and even though he says hurtful things he doesn't apologize or feel bad that hes said them. I am confused that I've been with this man for 3 years and he hasn't told me he loved me once, but he has said he cares about me a lot.

I took your test and I guess I should try to stay. My husband has a problem with prescription drugs for the last 4 years. We have been through it all. He has never hit me are are two girls. But he has been a different person at times. Now we are having money problems because of the drugs. He tells me he is going to change but only for a week or two he does. Dont know when to call it quits. I have been with this man for 14 years and love him but cant live with his drug problem much longer.

I answered the questions because I want to know if I am in a bad patch with my fiance'. We have no children and my children are adults. All my answers are E's except for 6 and 9, those questions do not apply...but my kids adore him still. I just wonder about being the #2 in his life after he has suffered the death of his 10 year companion to cancer. He sometimes refers to his first wife with me...like "She and I used to do this"

My husband has taken a job in a new city which has always been his dream. I am not comfortable with the move even though I can continue to do my job there - the travel to the east coast will just take longer. I am not looking forward to downsized in the more expensive housing market nor about having to sell much of my stuff here. We also have to move his mom with us. She will be living seperately, but I am concerned about unplugging her from her network and church here. My husband is not a big planner and I feel like he is going to leave me here with all this work to do for the move while he starts his new life. Any thoughts on how I can make this less painful? I want to be excited about the change - but I just feel depressed. Our marriage passed your test with FLYING colors - so I guess this is just a rough patch.

I took your test, and it seems that I should keep trying with my marriage.
My husband is an alcoholic, he hasn't drank for 7 years. He quit going to his AA mtgs. and his whole personality changed for the worse. I stayed for a year like that, when I couldn't take any more I left. I am also the adult-child of an alcoholic. I go to Alanon mtgs. When I can get a ride. I don't have a car right now. I'm on disability because of my many health problems. I love my husband, but I don't feel safe around someone who isn't stable. I'm willing to work on it.

I think that I know my husband loves me , and I try to understand life is stressful at times but the things that hurt me the most are the little things he doesnt do. For example telling me that he loves me every now and then , a little affection every now and than, a phone call to fill me in on his plans every now and then. But instead I get the evil from his day, if something didnt go right that day, guess who gets the frustration from that and some of the things he says to me are so hateful. I sit there and think how can this man thats suppose to love me say these things to me , as if he hated me? Those things hurt me so deeply. I have put up with a lot throughout our 6 year marriage and I just want a little respect , thats all.

I have been in lots of types of relationships-happy,abusive,controlling,etc... I realized that if you are not happy and content it is a waste of time to try to please anybody else. why waste time living unhappy for somebody else to be happy even if that person will leave if you speak the truth about how you feel. Let them leave, they don't have respect for you, your feelings,or your happiness. I have found somebody who is great and now I see how a relationship is suppose to be. It's so nice to be happy.

I am going through the same kind of situation as your guest me and my husband of 4 years just recently divorced and we can't seem to move on we call each other, he has told me he loves me but can't live with me. I am very confused and am not sure what to do. I still love him but am not sure if it is something i should try to salvage.

I was watching the show this morning and I had got into an angrument with my boyfriend right before watching the show and I was really considering taking a break away from him and just let myself vent and get myself together becasue we argue almost everyday it may start off as playing but then it gets serious.Its rear that our arguments start off about something big it can be something little and then turn into a big argument I'm young but I know what I want and its just hard because he has a really bad attitude and I do to and I really need help on wheteher I should step away or just keep trying?

i was watching the show(9/22/06) and felt as if i could relate to the couples that were his guest i'm going through the same problems and want so much to save my marrige but i don't know how i've tried all i can but the lies/cheating is more hurting and the comments that is said are more than any wife shoud have to deal with,please I need help.