missive?sanctity:shutters?angry?bilateral passive cheated,

I am not surprised by Dr Keiths' failure to address the most important issue concerning 14 year old Candace's sexual involvement with an 18 year old lesbian.
The Lesbian is technically a PEDOPHILE if she is giving hickeys to a 14 year old girl ! Wake up! I suspect The good doctors failure to confront this female pervert is because of current trends which say we are not to confront any gays about their perversion ! What hipocracy ! No wonder Candaces' mother is worried!

I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 5YRS. TIMES HAVE BEEN ROUGH FOR BOTH OF US. HERE RECENTLY I HAVE NOTICED WE DO NOT AGREE ON ANYTHING LIKE WE USED TO. WHEN WE FIRST GOT MARRIED. SOMETIMES I GET THIS FEELING I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN MY MARRIAGE ANYMORE. I CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHY I KEEP GETING THIS FEELING. ITS JUST CERTAIN I GET THAT TYPE OF FEELING. I HAVE REALIZED MYSELF AND INSTEAD WANTING TO TALK OUT THE PROBLEMS. I JUST WANT TO WALK AWAY. I USED TO NOT BE LIKE THIS. IF YOU COULD YOU GIVE ME SOME ADVICE.

THANKYOU:CRYSTAL

Dr. Keith
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost nine months. I have been treated so badly by past relationships that I get mad easily, get jealous easily and tend to lie about small things. The problem is I've been cheated on, and lied to so much I don't know how to react to the one person who treats me like a princess. Can you please help me fix these things before my relationship with the love of my life is ruined?

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years now and it has definatley had it's rocky moments. But, lately I feel as if his lack of communication is tearing us apart.

Dear Dr. Keith,

My name is John and I will be 18 on the 25th of January. Back in October of 2005 I started dating a wonderful girl who I came to care very deeply for. Things started out decently enough, though after a few months something inside me changed; I began to become very controlling, and would often become very angry and upset when I didn't get my way. My friends and my girlfriend all tried to tell me what I had become, but I ignored them all until finally they all gave up trying to help me. My problems became steadily worse, until a month ago my girlfriend decided it was better for her if we split up. After a long series of events that led to my self-realization of how terrible a monster I had become, I decided that I had to try and change; I didn't want to hurt anyone ever again. My friends have noticed some changes in me so far, but I still anger easily and have succeeded in hurting my ex-girlfriend to the point where she has given up on me. At first, I only wanted to change for her, but now, I want to change for me and, if I can, still remain friends. I seriously doubt that she will ever let me love her again as more than a friend, but she still wants to try and be friends even after all I have done to her. I need something to help turn my life around so I won't hurt anyone anymore. I honestly want to make things better, but I don't know exactly how.

Sincerely,

John

Dr. Keith,
My girlfriend and I have been together for two years we have four children two hers and two are mine. Her daughters are ages 10 and 7 and my sons are ages 16 and 4 the twist to our relationship is we are lesbians trying to make an impossible relationship work. The problem is that she drinks every night and she is a very angry person and her anger is directed at my youngest son he cant do anything right in her eyes and according to her he is a manipulative little bastard. He is not he is a normal four year old and all he wants is for her to love him and be kind to him. She says that she isnt affectionate but she is with the girls they can sit with her she will give them attention, kisses, hugs tell them she loves them and when my son comes over its "go on" I dont treat the girls like that I play with them take them to school functions, swimming, to the park I tell them I love them yet my son is left feeling sad cause she wont do that with him. Please help I cant stay in a relationship where my children suffer and I love this woman.

I recently discovered that my husband of 39 years and father of our four children and grandfather of two has been having an affair, unprotected sex, with another married woman for a few months. This is not the first time he has had an affair. I have forgiven him before. I have given him a "taste of his own medicine once -- with terrible results" and I have suffered in silence. I am devastated this time and feel angry, crushed, and in danger of doing something impulsive and/or stupid. He says he is sorry, a jerk, and weak, and will never do this again -- internet meeting, but ended up the woman lives near us and has the same career/teaching that I do and I have met her before. I feel too much -- all bad and can't seem to find a way to move on. I don't want our four children and/or two grandchildren to know (they need their dad to just be dad) but it is difficult to be around them and be there for them as I am suffering. I don't sleep. I am not eating right. My emotions are on a roller coaster. Please help. I am a high school history teacher with tons of responsibility. I clean my own home and have cooking reponsibiliteis. None are going very well at the moment. I am depressed. I recognize this. I am also extrememly angry and feel it impossible to trust him about anything. I am religious/raised Russian Orthodox and feel divorce wrong, but staying married seems impossible too. I also have never lived alone and must confess I am afraid of the unknown. Advice would be more than welcome, I feel if I don't receive some sound advice soon I will say and/or do something I will be ashamed of for the rest of my life.

Dear Dr. Keith,

I enjoy your show , and i would like your help.

I am a survivor, of child sexual molestation, .of physical abuse. i have tried to move on and to move past my past. But i find that it keeps coming forward, as i am commiting to a deep romantic intimate relationship.

i have hade a weight problem since i was thirdteen or fourteen.I am thinking it is because i was abused when i was younger, healthier and thiner. i think i am afraid of being healthy and toned. i think i am most afraid that i will get hurt again and that i wont be able to defend myself. i am also afraid that my abuser might have hurt other children.
i myself have tried to move on and have only made my own mistakes.
i have made huge mistakes in my life and i find it hard to overcome my past.
i was a proud virgin until i was twenty years old. i started to disregard my religous beliefs and soon accepted sexual temptation.
i had an affair with a childhood friend, i dont even think my mother knows. He was seperated from his wife at the time. He would tell me his wife abused him. He would tell me that he made a mistake marrying his wife. He told me that he cared for me, i thought i was helping him,I thought that there would be a future with him and i thought that i could rescue him. But he was just using me. He was also having relations with at least one other woman, that i know of, there could be more. The signs were there but i did not see them at the time. I have never been so ashamed so humiliated, so wrong, so alone.

I am now hoping and planing a better future for myself.

I am twenty-two years old and i am in a great relationship with my wonderful boyfriend. Tay and i meet at mutual friends birthday party when i was still in high school, I found him attractive and charming right away. We flirted through out the party. we kept in touch through E-mail, for a few months but i lost his E-mail address. And it would be about five years before we would be in contact again. Soon after i was at College i made a MySpace Page and i found our mutual friend and soon Tay found me. we talked on line for a few weeks and we dated after that and we became girlfriend and boyfriend about a month later. We have been together a year at the end of November.
Yet i find that my past hinders important desitions and I have major insecurities that affect the relationship, my Boyfriend and i share.I still have nightmares and nightterrors that my Abuser has found me and it hurting me or someone i know.

If it were not for Tay i would not be able to stay in school for as long as i have. HE has taken care of most of my bills, and i really apretiate him. But i would like a great job so that i may take care of my own responsibilities, get out of debt and pay My Boyfriend back.

I would like advise of how to handle my abuse and would like to share my struggle and my detirmination to become a better person; a better sister, a better daughter, a better girlfriend.

Thank you for your time,

Rosemarie

I was wondering if it was normal to want to have an open relationship for a while. I have currently been with my girlfriend for 5 years now and lately it's not the same, it's almost like we're friends and not lvoers anymore. We both get the urge to hook-up with some1 else, but dearly love eachother and know that it's wrong to do that. I feel that if we have an open relationship for a while possibly it will make us realize what we had and make things stronger, as well as getting it out of our systems. Please let me know if this is a normal feeling and how to go about dealing with this.

Hi, I am 41 yrs. old and married to a man that I am no longer in love with.We have been married for 3 yrs. but together for 5.I was married before for 16 yrs. and have 3 children,22,21,and 16.I no longer want to be with my husband because he has been mentally abusive in the past and I can't and won't forget it.I have written him a letter and told him that I am no longer in love with him because that is the only way I can tell him.If I try to talk to him about anything it always ends up in an arguement.I just want out of this relationship but he just doesn't get it. Thank you,Alone & Lonely, Linda

hi everyone! im pamela and im 20 yrs old. im 7 mos pregnant right now and my boyfriend is 22 yrs old.. im having issues in our relationship because we are just 8 mos together. ive known him for 2 n half years now so i know everything about him.. we're close friend like brother and sister.. my mom treat him like her own son. we started dating dis year and i decided since 2004 hes always there for me and wait for me and become boyfriends and girlfriends. then got pregnant to him.. now we're together sharing everything we have,like a couple. my mom wants us to get married asap before baby comes out. but he dont want to coz his reason is, he's not ready yet because he dont have any money to take care of everything. so i understand him.. and because ive known him for 2 years. its just hard for me to trust him. i dont know if hes still dating girls even tho im pregnant? if he still doing the one night stand? or txting and calling girls everytime we're not together or if his at work? i asked him several times if he's faithful to me he said yes, he said i already have family. but the thing is he lied to me several times in just 8months we're together.. i know he's responsible being a father and a boyfriend but wat can i do? its hard to trust the person again and agian.. we always fight on that issue, is the problem about me or him??

hi. i've been watching u since day 1 and i love it. ok i'll start by saying that i'm a mother of 6 but live with only 3 'cause the other 3 don't want to live here so they r with my mom in P.R.. i talk with them 2times a week and thay visit me or me and my other 3 kids visit them. i'm 32 years old. i'm in a relationship for 3 years and his the dad of my youngest which is 2. when i met "him" he was the coolest, sweetest, hard working family man but once we started living together i realized(which he about 7months ago confessed i'm right)that he is reaally that old fashioned man that believes a woman stays in the house 24/7. i hate that i feel like i'm in prison. i never liked to feel dominated before when i felt like that i would break up the relationship and i've tried it with "him" but he always threatens me with either taking my kids away or with me loosing my apartment. he knows i don't feel much love now but is like he doesn't care as long as i'm stuck in my house. now he's trying but for me it's not working but he still won't leave. he's not a bad man he's just tooo old fashioned and mine u he met me as a working woman he was my supervisor. i can't go out in the 3 years we've been together the only fun thing we did as a couple was go to9 atlantic city and that was a month ago 'cause i told him i was fed up and i wanted him to leave. i won't deny i had a blast but it only lasted that weekend. everything went back to the same. dr. i get bored i'm a healthy fun person i don't believe i was born to stay in the house. 'cause of all this stress i feel like my walls r caving in on me and that gets me real moody. i'm constanly screaming at my kids after i do that i realize i'm taking it out on the wrong people. i never use to cuse at my kids now i cuse a lot and he's the one to blame. i just to be a fun mom now i'm just a grouchy always in a bad mood mom. PLEASE HELP! i don't want to keep on this relationship i came to a point that i don't care if he can "CHANGE" i just want my real good always happy life and i'll get that back if he leaves. i know i'll live happier just me and my kids. what can i do.
DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE:LILLY

I have been with my boyfriend for three years and we have two children togther, he has asked me to marry him and I want to but he has cheated on me twice that I am aware of, but has only admitted to one. I have a problem trusting him, because while I was pregnant with our last child he lead a different life I knew nothing about, and all his cheating. I couldn't imagen being without him, but I worry everytime he leaves if he will cheat on me again. His reason for the first time was because he was stupid. and then he says cheating on me ain't worth it.

Hi Dr. Keith,
My husband and I have been having problems. He's in the army and we have issues trusting eachother. I lost trust in him when I was pregnant because he cheated on me. I still married him and then I found out after I married him that he had cheated on me again before we got married. There has been rumors that he's done it again, but he's denied it. I don't want to hold this grudge against him, so I need your help. We have a beautiful little boy, and I want my husband and I to work out desperately. He tells me he loves me and he doesn't want anyone else, but I have a hard time trusting that. Please give me some advice... my friends tell me to leave him, but I can't. I'm in love with him.

I am 23 y/o female who has been in my relationship for 3 years ... I am happier then I have ever been ... He is my heart and soul ... We both have came so far and bettered out selves so much ... I am happy GOD sent him to me when he did ... I thank him everyday for sending me my Soul MAte! I have never loved like this before ~ Its the best feeling ever ...
~Stay Beautiful TYra~

Hi everyone I need some advice about my current realationship. I've been with my boyfriend now for almost a year and at first everything was going great he put me on a pedistole. The problem is not all him it is me I was in a bad marriage with someone who cheated on me with all of my friends So now I have a complex about this issue and it has spilled over into this realtionship. I dont have any friends now for fear that my current boyfriend could do the same thing to me (he dosent have a good track record with his past realtionships)
so its hard to trust him.
To make a long story short
the other night we went out and I seen a girl that I used to hang out with a few years ago she sat down beside me and we started talking but when I got up to go to the bathroom and came back my boyfriend and her were talking and then when I got close to them they stoped this made me very suspisous and we ended up in a huge fight.
He said he's tired of me thinking that he could be cheating (but I've never accused him) I told he that he knows I have a complex about my friends and that I can't trust no females in the begining of are realtionship I told him that if he cared he wouldent talk to females (friends or not when I'm not around) Am I right about this and also he is a very jelous person also

My boyfriend looks at pornography online, even goes into chat rooms when I'm not around. Part of me thinks Men + Porn = natural. But the bigger problem is that my sexual needs are not being met. I know he's got intimacy issues stemming from his childhood, so it makes sense that he's more comfortable with women on the web - but my self esteem is plumitting through the floor due to all of this. We've not had sex in weeks. Though I do have confidence in myself as an attractive woman, I can't help but feel a little ugly seeing as how he'll rarely touch me. I don't know what to do.

i saw your show today about the cyberbullies. i've been effected by this in the past and i'm a firm believer that it needs to stop. we as people have the right to privacy, and these kids on your show had biased and superficial beliefs. i congratulate anyone who is apart of the group that realizes what negative effects they have caused people.

hi dr. keith
well i just got married in aug and my husband is in the army, well were having problems about trusting eachother. we are both jealous people but it was never this bad. what should we do to get over the jealousy, and make the marriage work before its to late?

I have been with my now husband for 2 1/2 years. We have two babies ages 15 months and four months. We just got married in August. I love him to death and I would like our relationship to workout for us and for our children. But here lately we can't seem to go a day without fighting about something and we say things that hurt each other and neither one of us mean it. I think alot of our fights are probably provoked by me cause I don't really like his drinking problem and he has done nothing to slow down he keeps saying he will slow down but nothing has changed if anything sometimes I can say it has gotten worse not any better. It bothers me badly and i don't know what to do i try not to let it bother me but it does.

I have been married for 18 years to what I considered the best husband in the world. He helps around the house, has always been willing to help with our kids (one is 17 and one is9). However for the last 9-10 years, since we have had a computer, I have had major trust issues. He has been caught having sexual chats on no less that 5 occassions, and I forgive him and we go on. The most recent was a couple of weeks ago. This time I seriously considered divorce. If we werent in such financial bind I would have left in a heartbeat. He never apologized this time, never even acknowledged anything was wrong. I figure a lot of it is because I am not intimate with him as much as I should be. But it seems like the only time anymore he wants to have sex is after a long night on the computer. I figure he is thinking about whoever the girl of the moment is and it is a turn off for me. I even thought this time I might start chatting. I just dont see the point in chatting if you dont want something. I am so confused, and lonely. He turns the computer on first thing when he gets up and it doesnt go off until he goes to bed. On weekends he is constantly at the computer. If we want to do anything as a family we have to plan around his "dominoe" tournaments. Should I have left? Where am I going?

I have been dating this girl for a little bit now and everything has been awesome. We love each other's company and we have never argued or anything like that. A couple of days ago she started acting weird and she finally told me that she has extreme issues with letting people in since her previous relationship was horrible and lasted for many years. She wants to be able to let me in but she can't figure out how to do that. We decided (mainly she did) to hold off for a while until she can "fix" her problem and then go back to what we had...I am willing to wait even though it sucks. We are both 21 years old.

I am a 35 year old single mother of four. ages ranging from 19, 17, 15, and 12. I also have a 2 month old grandson. I have been seeing this guy for 4 years and 8 months. I feel like i want to leave him and move on with my life. Things have not been great for us in a long time. He is always off at work but i never see the money. i do not know what he does with it. he never wants to do anything around the house. He just lays in front of the TV on Fri.,Sat., and Sun. Then he gets upset if I go out with my friends to have a drink or just hang out. He tells me that I shouldn't be out drinking. Later in the conversation, I come to find out that he had been drinking with his brother in-law during the week. I am tired of playing all of these games he is playing. We always seem to be mad at each other, but don't know how to get away from one another. I try to tell him to leave me alone, but he starts calling my kids asking if everything is alright at home, and if they need money. Of course in the end he has to ask about me. I try to tell him that the relationship is doomed but he keeps telling me that he loves me and that he doesn't want me to leave him. Usually when he is away, i am so happy to do whatever i want. Of course when he comes back, things will be good for a couple of weeks, then it starts happening all over again.(The Honeymoon Phase) I am the one with the House, vehicle, and kids. where do i turn? Speaking of children, he blames me for not being able to communicate with his children. Saying that I am jealous. In my mind I think alot of guys would be glad to come into our lives and take over what he can't handle. I think one of the biggest factors, is that I feel sorry for him. Sad, right? Right now i am actually looking elsewhere, for my own happiness. I've been soul searching to see what I want. I am basically focusing on my children, grandchildren, and work. i try not to think about him but he always seems to be there.I think this has gone far enough.

Well i was dating this guy for 11 and 1/2 months then we broke up because we argued all the time.. so we went our separate ways well he got this girl preg. we were broke up for 6 months and now he broke up w/her and now we are dating again ! i'm confused i dont know what i should do - the baby is coming in dec..or jan..!

I am a 41 single white mother of 3, I have been dating this 43 old for 3 years now. He doesn't have a car or house. He use to work very hard in the beginning of our relationship now he works only when he runs out of money. He lives with me doesn't help pay bills or anything. When he gets mad he takes off for a couple of days and then comes back like nothing even happens. Am I a idiot for staying with this man.........My heart loves him but my mind says I am crazy!!!What can I do to get him out and move on with someone who will love and care about my feelings?

I have been with the same guy for over 3 years now. Recently, I asked him if we could take a break from each other because we are with each other 15 hours of every day, 7 days a week, 365. I just needed some peace and quiet to deal with some issues that I was having, issues that he refused to help me with. So he went back to his mother's. He called me everyday, three and four times, begging me to come and get him. Finally I brought him home, and he expected everything to be fine. He didn't want to talk about anything, just wanted me to jump right into bed with him and pretend it never happened. So after two more weeks of this, he went out with his friends one Friday night. I waited all day Saturday for him to come home, because I had decided that we were going to talk about things regardless. He never came home. He calls me late Sunday evening (from his mother's), to tell me he is coming to get some of his things that he is leaving and not coming back. She will pretend to be my best friend when she is around me, but as soon as I am gone, she runs her mouth. I am so mean to her son, I don't do anything for him, he has to wait on me hand and foot, and he has to kiss my ass. This kind of thing. I can't handle that childish stuff...this woman is 50 years old. The only time she has ever even called him is when something is broken or she needs help fixing or making something and her new husband is incapable of doing it himself. It's ridiculous. So, he spent the weekend with her, and she told him what she thought of me, and he decided to leave again. Well, he called and called and called, and he's back home with me again. The thing is, on the day after he left, he told me he was going to move on and that he may already be seeing someone. Well, when he came back here, I was doing laundry one day and found our digital camera in the duffle bag. On it were pictures of him and his ex-girlfriend haning out at his mom's on the very day he called to tell me that. Then, the other day, I asked to use his cell phone for the calculator, and he wouldn't let me have it until he selected the option. As soon as I gave it back to him, he erased all his call lists. Now, sometimes in the evenings, someone keeps calling and he won't answer the phone. He gets up and turns it off. But, he wants to get angry with me since I don't know whether or not to trust him now. And I know that his mother calls and talks to him on his cell while he's at work, and I know that she absolutely loves this other girl, because she set here at my house and told me how she thought that her son and this girl would be together forever and get married and have her lots of grandchildren. I don't know what to do in this situation anymore. He won't talk about anything, and I can't talk to him without getting angry because he wants to pretend it's all ok.

At first, the 13year age difference was not a problem. We truly enjoyed each other's company and found common ground. As the years rolled by, we each made less of an efford to connect, I think. I am a dramatic performer and he use to come to cheer me on, ease my anxiety before going on stage and support my art. Lately, we don't do anything together. He watches or listens to talk radio. I love to go to reggae clubs, museums, book signings and poetry readings. He is not helpful around the house either. He is so junky and cluttery. I am too but at least I will clean it. He also says that he has a gambling problem that he wants me to support him through. I don't know if I want to. He has been avoiding me like the plague and not even making romantic advances toward me. In the ten years that we have been together, we have had two break ups. Nothing really major but lately, we argue about everything from money to whose on top. And that is another issue. Our sex life went from bon fire to flickering glowing charcoals all of a sudden. I can't keep living like this.

i have been dating somebody for about 6 years. he tells me two weeks ago that something is missing and that he is not happy, two days later he said that he is sorry and wants to work things out so i go back when a week passes and he does it again and last night he calls me wanting to work things out. note: every since we have been together there has been this female friend that he has always hid their friendship, why because i would rather be aware of the friendship then him lie about it. i saw the two of them together in town on one of the nights that he didnt want to be with me. i love him and yes i want to be with him but on the other hand will this happen again is there something going on with this friend or am i over reacting. we have always talked of marriage and kids and i still want that with him but i have to think of my feelings as well i am tired of hurting and his change of heart.

I am a 35 year old man who is in a very good place in his life right now, great job, dreams coming true, life is pretty good. Never been married and no kids. A couple of months ago, I met a really amazing woman. She is 33 years old. She is a single mom with two kids and that doesn't scare me. She has been divorced now for a couple of years, but I think she still has problems with her ex through her kids. She works full time, and is currently going back to school. We have been out, talked on the phone and by e-mail. Several of the things she has said lead me to believe that she is interested in me. I told her I was interested in her and that I would like for us to spend some time together and get to know each other better. I asked her if she wanted the same thing and she said yes. She is extremely busy and I respect and admire her for all that she does for herself, her friends and her family. She spends alot of time with her kids and a friend who really needs her help right now. She is a very giving person. All of that makes me like her that much more. My past attempts at relationships ended because I gave up on them, when things didn't happen the way I thought they should. I now realize that things don't always happen according to my plan. Each time I got these same resuts, me alone. Something tells me that I should not give up on this woman. She doesn't always call me back when I call her. She has never told me to leave her alone or that it just isn't what she is interested in. Here is a question for single moms out there who may be in the same place this woman is, how can I show this woman that I care about her, that I can be patient, but that I would like to grow a relationship with her, without sounding like a wimp and scaring her away. She is a beautiful woman, but her inner beauty is what I find myself truly attracted to.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a couple of months now. In the beginning it was perfect, I couldnt ask for more. But now it was like he just turned around, like we dont talk as much, and we arguee a lot. He tells me that what he says goes or i could leave him. But the thing is that its hard for me to leav him, because I love him so much. I dont know what I would do without him. I tell him that I try to talk to him about our problems, but he just never wants to hear it. Sometimes we will talk, and everything will be fine, but the next day it everything will just go back to how it was the day before. I just need some advice on how to fix our realationship, I just want to make things better for the both of us.

I have been married for five years and i love my husband. lately my husband has been acting really jealous and accuses me of being unfaitful although he drops me of to work and picks me up and i don't go anywhere without him and my kids.
recently i met this guy who is having the same problem with his wife. We have started talking and have become friends. we are not sexually involved or anything but we do feel a connection. And now everytime my husband acts up i think about turning to my friend.
My friend and i don't meet each other we talk on the pc or on the phone.
i am so confused i need help before i do something i may regret.

I am 28 years old and I have been seeing a 45 year old man for almost a year. He is the first guy that I have had a sexual relationship with ( I wanted to wait until marriage). It started off great but, has and is going down hill. He has 4 children- 3 different mothers (21,18,16,12). He was married once for 13years and divorced 3 years ago. His Ex still controls him. She know exactly what buttons to push to get him in a "mood" and he lets her do it everytime. I love this man SO much and he says he loves me too. Some days he seems to care and others I wonder. A few weeks ago, I found some condoms missing ( I know) but I asked him about it and the end response was that it was "not my business because we had not reached that stage in our relationship". That crushed me (which happens a lot). I wonder if he knows how bad he hurts me. I don't trust him but I don't know how to let go. Plus I think that since he is my "first" it makes it extra difficult. There is a lot more to the story, but I will stop here. How do I walk away? What do I do with these emotions?

I have been with this man for 13 years and now my children are a problem and we have issuses. my children are 17 and 21 which he has been around them since they were small children. He seems to have no feeling of being a parent to them, although he likes to say it he dont display it.

I been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he loves sex its like he cant go 3 days without it we fight about it all the time because i am the kind of person who can go without and at the end of the day he comes home from work and im so tired because we have 2 kids and they are a handfull how can we make it better?

The first time I went out with my boyfriend we had the best time together. We found we had a lot in common including interests and views on life. Then, we found out there's a 14 year age difference (he's older). We freaked out at first, but decided to continue. Now we've been together for over a year and I'm 21. Some days I wake up and feel like I just want to be alone or sometimes I wake up and question how I ended up in a relationship with an older guy. I'm much more mellow than people my age and get along better with him than anyone, but I feel sometines I guess that I just want to have "normal" young adult relationships and miss friends I don't see as much from being a time-consuming relationship. Is it ever okay to have doubts? I feel shallow and vain and naive for even considering not being in a relationship with a guy I'm so crazy about and who is so devoted to me. Am I just thinking the grass is greener on the other side? Should I trust my feelings of wanting to break it off even though I might regret it? Or am I just making up reasons to push him away because other people aren't okay with the age difference, plus I was in a bad 4-year relationship when I was very young? I feel lost.

I am sitting here and reading eveyone elses thoughts. And I cant help but think about my relationship with my husband. When we met in July of 03 he was still legally married. His ex wife left him when she was three months pregnant. He has not seen or talked to this child. She only calls when she needs something or to tell us that she is attacking him again for money for her. I have always felt that I am the other woman even though we are married. We have two beautiful girls.Olivia is two and Isabella is four months old. There are days when I feel that I just want to run and not deal with the marriage and all the baggage involved with him. Our families views are different. His dad is a preacher and his mom is so religious its scary. Well we live with them. I feel that I can not truly be myself because I can't do what I want. How can you run around in your underwear with your inlaws in the same house. I wish and have begged for us to find a house and I have contacted different groups and financial companies and we are still living here. I just feel like he wants to live off his mom and dad and I am to just tag along because I am the wife. I just want to feel that I am a wife and that I am loved for me all of me and that my husband would put me and my children first instead of his family and what he always wants. I know that some of this may sound crazy but that is how my life really is.

i used to be in a 3 and a half year relationship where the first 2 were long distance...i first thought i could trust this guy and then he cheated...and i took him back like most people who think they're in love would do, and of course, like most cheaters, he did it again, and again. now i look back and i'm glad that i got myself out of that situation of always being hurt, always doubting, and always being on edge and anxious wondering where he was, who he was with, etc...i hated it...but now that he's gone, those trust issues are still there with other guys i've dated. i'm in a relationship right now with a guy who treats me great and i couldn't ask for more, but i have gut feelings of "where is he?" "who's he with?" if he doesnt answer his phone or whatever. i don't want to feel this way because this guy has never given me any reason to ever doubt him, so i know it's not fair to him. i WANT to trust him, and most of all i just want to be at peace and ease and be able to trust someone for once. i'm just scared of getting hurt again.

I have a wonderful fiance, we have been together about a year and a half. We are planning on getting married next year. We have learned to deal with other very well. I love him very very much and I want to be the most amazing girlfriend for him, I also know that he loves me so much too. He really is wonderful!

We have one issue, he has some anger issues. When he gets upset, he calls me names and yells at me. He has even threatened me physically (even though I know he would NEVER do anything like that). I know that sometimes I do things to make him mad but I don't think they warrant this at all. I was raised in a very loving home while he was raised in a pretty abusive environment, so maybe that has something to do with it. I cannot talk reasonably with him when he is mad, so I have to just agree with the things he says.

I have never spoken to him about getting help but I don't think he would.

I have been with my husband for 10 years and married for 5. We have 3-year-old twins, one boy and one girl. I love my husband deeply and have always been extremely jealous. About 4 months ago I started feeling like me and my husband were drifting apart. He worked later hours, went to play softball and did not want me to go, we stopped talking about everyday crap and I felt like I was losing him. I started feeling like he may be having an affair with his boss and did the wrong thing by accusing him. Of course he was defensive and we have not been right ever since. He thinks I ask to many questions about everything and I think he isn't as open with me as he should be. I don't think my husband physically cheated on me but he was discussing me and our problems with his boss. She is married by the way and we all used to be friends and go out together. We have tried to talk and make commitments to each other as far as what each of us needs and wants to make us better again. I am still not comfortable that they are good friends but I am working on it. He doesn't want me to ask any questions about work and I feel he is keeping me out of that part of his life because that is the majority of his day. Right now we are trying not to fight with each other about anything and I am constantly trying to bite my tongue from questioning him about anything. My biggest problem right now is that if we are supposed to be getting better I don't feel like he is putting forth any effort to be loving and attentive to me. Right now I need every bit I can get because I don't feel like he loves me like he used to. I feel more like it is a comfortable love not an in love feeling. I try and put forth some effort. Of course I could do better but I just feel so one sided right now and it makes it so hard. Please help me because I Love My Husband with all my heart and really don't want to lose him but I just don't know what to do anymore. I have tried telling him what I need but it doesn't seem to help. I just don't know what to do from here.

I have been living with my boyfriend for the past 2 years (off and on). He was in the middle of a divorce when we starting dating. I feel he has a problem with facing any problems in our relationship as he keeps running away from them he will leave for a month or two then come back. Which is were we are right now. I don't know how to convince him that we need to get help to work through this. I know that he loves me and wants to be with me we just don't know how to get through all the things going on in ours lives together and separately. Should I just leave things alone and stay away from him or do I keep fighting to find away to make it work?? I love him and we both have a fear of being alone. I wounder if thats why I keep letting him come in and out? Maybe that is why he keeps running in and out?

I am in a relationship with my children's father and has been so for ten years. We are not married and have a beautiful set of twin girls, my problem is that after being together for ten years it would seem like he should've grown at least a little bit. I have and he has'nt. At this point in my life,I'm twenty eight years old, I've grown up a lot since I was nineteen and we first got with each other. My needs are different now, my mind is in a different place now. I love him very much, but he's not adult and responsible enough for me to continue persuing anything with him at this time. I need him to take responsibilty for our children and for our family. I can't depend on him, if I ask for something to be done, I can't count on him. Other than the fact that it is taking him extremely long to grow up, he's a good man. I know he loves me, but I need more than just knowing he loves me. Dr. Kieth please help me. I would love to come on your show and talk to you about this because there's a lot more to the story and it goes much deeper than I can say right now,but I'm afraid of flying. Is there any other way I can get your help? signed, Nita

I have been dating a wonderful man for 7 yrs. almost 2 yrs ago his children 25,23,19 turned on me. Told their father they hated me to the point he needs to decide between them or me. I never raised my voice, shut them out ever. I put together weekend getaways, going to events around their schedule not mine. I made meals, picked up after them, and remembered their b-days, Christmas,etc. I never heard the word thank you from them, a card or gift for my b-day, Christmas etc. Their father and I love each other so much it hurts. The children even went to his family to get them to hate me. I never did anything wrong, said anything to make anyone hate me. I want to know how I can get thru to these children how I care for them. I have written them letters, asked their father to put a meeting together but they will have no part of it. It's their way, no and's if's or but's about it. They are so use to getting their way. If he sees me they will not come to see him. but their mother can see who she wants and it's okay. We feel it is jealousy that we are so in love and they can not stand the thought of someone loving their father the way I do. I want to make everthing work out, but I also want them to be adults and act like one too. I have 3 children also, who do not act this way at all. Where is the respect, tolerance and acceptance?

my 4 1/2 year lesbian relationship has ended. I am moving to an apartment in a couple weeks. The problem that caused us to separate was that we have totally different energies and goals.
I've been dealing with chronic health issues for 15 years and need to live quietly. I don't have much energy. She is 9 years younger and full of energy -- wants to do lots of volunteer work now and when she retires.
When she is buzzing around with all her projects, it feels very painful to me. It is very difficult to get her to sit down and just relax or to talk.
Is there any way to compromise our very different needs? We love each other very much.

I have the most wonderful husband in the world. He's kind, thoughtful, generous, and very affectionate. We've been together fourteen years, and he's really been very patient with me. He's sixty eight, I'm fifty five. My problem seems to be non-intimacy toward lovemaking on my part. I love him dearly, and couldnt think of being without him but I'm afraid I may push him so far away I can't get him back. I am very serious about this, and I really need help. What is my problem?

i have really been thinking about this recently. almost 3 years ago i had a son that passed away. he didnt even live for a day. after almost 3 years my fiance and i have been trying to get pregnant. we just recently found out that he has a low sperm count. so he will be going to a special doctor. this really bothers me! i want a child more than anything.

I have an issue with a girl that my boyfriend finds a friend. We've gone out for 2 years, we broke up for 2 months and now were back together, I want to marry this man. Anyway while we were together the first time they ended up in situations that i didn't like and i asked him stop talking to her, he did, after we broke up he became highly interested in her she led him on and then stop talking to him till now that were back together. We'll again now he says that she's just a friend and that he's not going to give up his friends. I have really harsh feelings about this girl and she obviously doesn't care what i think....what should i do? I know i want to be with this man, and he says he wants to be with me, but why is this girl so important to him, I have known him longer than she has.

My husband I got married last year right after his divorce with his first wife. (She left him for another woman.)They were married for seven years and have 3 children who live with us. I have two children of own who also live us. I gave up my job and my social life to take care of all five kids. Daycare was way out of the question. The mother gets the children 2 days out of the week. She works and goes to school. My husband is active duty and is home every other night. He is worried that the children are not getting to see him or their mother that much. I do too. However, I feel that I have given too much up and done more for the children than either one of them have for the past two years and don't want the children to go live with their mother. This is unfair to me.
We have been through this before. I ended up being used as a babysitter. I would get the kids when it was convient for her.

I don't know how to explain this to my husband. I feel that the children are better off here also. Any advice

I have been married for 21 years with three wonderful children. When I married I did so with the mentality "I can fix this person" but there was no love. I have now met a man whom I have known since a child and we have been having an illicit relationship for over a year now. I know I am not happy in my marriage, never have been, but have always kept myself busy with my children. Now that they are older I find myself becoming bitter. This frightens me. I want to be happy --- just not sure I can break away from my children and also be able to make it on my own financially.

Mallory,

Love your name!

Okay, I can relate totally!!! I have had issues not only with pornography, but anything regarding a pretty girl that my husband can see. Talk about insecure! But, to me, if my husband is looking at another woman sexually, and then expects to be with me....then it's like cheating. Lately, I haven't been as hung up about this. For my own sanity, I turn a blind eye, although I believe he doesn't look at porn now....but probably checks out cuties on the net from time to time. I tell myself this is just natural (which it is) and I turn a blind eye. As long as he doesn't disrespect me, and do this infront of me, knowing that it bothers me. I mean, I have a wonderful husband, and if he sees a pretty girl on the net the odd time....then hey, I've got it good. It's just natural to look at beautiful things. But the porn is another thing. And I think that if you ask him not to do that because it bothers you, then he shouldn't. Just out of plain respect.

My previous husband was addicted to the stuff. Talk about a glutton for punishment. It was hell! But you know what, he was a great guy....and the pronography was HIS issue. He ended up dying three years into our marriage...and I regret every single argument about it. What a shame!

My present husband and I have been dealing with this for a while. Now he knows to be very careful where he looks. Kind of sad really! I don't want him to feel weird like that. It's something I feel like I can't help though. I mean, I try to keep my feelings at bay, but sometimes they arise and I have to deal with them.

Try your best to see the good in your guy....and tell him that the porn should never return. Then trust the guy. If you want to find something negative, chances are, you will. That's with most situations, with most things. The mind is a powerful thing. Focus on the good, and better things seem to happen.

I'm trying too.

Kess

My guy and I are getting married and expecting a child next year. Two years ago he watched a few porn shows and I broke up with him because I refused to ever have a relationship like that. I lost respect for him. But over the last 6 months I grew up a little. I refused to marry him if he ever did that stuff again. He promised he would not. The only problem is, I still don't trust him. I want to, but I dont.

I am 21 years old and I am dating a 51 year old man. I love him so much but he has a lot of bad past and he sometimes brings that into our relationship and I want it to stop, He brings up our age a lot also and it doesnt bother me but other times he is just a wreck what should I do???

My wife and I have been married for 6 years. We met on the internet. We had problems right after she got pregnant. I ended up with her best friend for a period in which really hurt her. We finally worked things out and got married. Now 6 years later she still has resentment lingering. We are again having issues. I am addicted to an online game which has taken time away from us. It got so bad that she met someone online and has started an affair (both online and off) with him. I do love her and want us to work things out even though she has slept with him. She says she loves me but not "in love" with me. I have changed my gaming habits and giving her much more attention. She says a part of her wants to work things out. I have to admit that things have been a little better since I found out the truth about her and this guy. She has even put off my moving out. But she wants to keep her friend. I dont know how I am suppossed to accept this. I think its unfair. I hate this guys guts. We have met when I thought nothing was going on , I guess I was just stupid and I should have known different. She says he is her best friend. I want that spot back. Help please

im in a long distance relationship and i love him very much. im just not sure what to do because he is in college and i feel as if he is just making time to talk to me because we r dating not because he wants to. he and i made promises to each other before he left and now hes not following them. hes allowed to do things while hes there but im not allowed to. i dont want to end the relationship because i know we have something very special. i've tried talking to him about it but he doesnt seem to listen. its always about him. i dont know what to do. please help.

I was in a abusive relationship for 4 years way to long and I desperately seek someone to change that life I was living until one day on my job of 3 years, a co-worker got my attention and we started this wonderful relationship. We got married for 1 year later. My husband is 3 years younger than I and six months after I married this man this big drug problem showed up. Now, I'm feeling like what do I do? I'm in a very desperate need for some advice. I love my husband but it's very difficult because everything we have is in my name including checking account, house, car everything I'm holding up and this is very hard. To top it off my husband show very little sexual attraction and I feel that I am a very good woman. I cook,clean, and just feel I deserve better what do I do? Besides, we have a 2 1/2 year old and she's crazy about her father what do I do? I need fullfillment and happiness myself. Oh, I forgot to say due to the drug history he lost everything car, and several jobs but right now his paycheck goes into my checking account and that's all the income we have due to a inconsiderate supervisor I experienced with my last job a year ago, What do I do? I NEED HELP MENTALLY ASAP!

Nikki,

How about treating the poor guy how you want to be treated!

Don't mean to make light of the situation....but it just might work. I mean, if you really want to treat him nicer, then you have to consciously think about doing that, and then do it.

Sounds like you need to face some issues with yourself though as it seems like you could be just transferring your anger onto your boyfriend, when you could be angry with yourself, or someone else.

I can relate btw. But my husband doesn't deserve a moody wife, and so I try to deal with my issues the best way I know how.

Kess

I've been married for 35 years. I am currently seeing another woman who is married too. she has been married for 21 years. the problem is we both love each other but can't change our lives so we can be together.so we have a secret relationship. I knew her when I was 17 years old. I have only been back with her for the last 6 months. She said her life has not been easy. She is on her second marriage. She has told me that the problem is her family and how they would react to her leaving her husband. I have Loved this woman since I was 17 and I have been looking for her since 1973. My love for her is real, but I don't think she loves me the way she says she does. I'm traveling up a dead end street? should I stop this relationship now before it gets out and ends other marriages?

Hello everyone I'm 19 yrs. old and I have been in a realtionship with my boyfriend for one year and some months. I love him a lot, but he always tells me I nag him and is always on his case. Just like Renee, I am also always moody. I complain and I'm just never happy with anything he does I always want more. My parents just moved to Tenn. and now I'm stuck with my grandmother and my sister. I live here with my boyfriend as well. Me being at this house makes everything so much worse then it really is. I lived here when i was a child and now living here again is a nightmare. I don't have enough money to get out and buy our own place. Can someone please give me advice on how i should properly treat my man.

Hello everyone, I am a 42 yr old woman who has been in a relationship for 15 yrs with the same man. We have a 13 yr old son together and we are not married. He has never asked me or really brought it up and neither have I. For the past couple years he has not wanted sex from me we have done it but he is not able to hold an erection making me feel like crap and making me think hes cheating he says he loves me but does not show it in any way. I dont know how much longer i can take it. I am actually thinking of looking online for a lover. Our relationship has not been very good for at least 3 yrs. I dont know what to do I want to leave. I have 2 jobs and still cant afford to leave but i feel i should. I dont know if i love him anymore or if i even want to try to work it out. There is no fun and no sex in my relationship and sometimes i feel like im dying inside what do i do?

Miss. Leann...you answered your own question, honey. You deserve more.

Kess

I am in a relationship, i have been with him for 1 year. Lately he just isn't paying much attention. It's a one sided relationship. I am the one who has to call and the one who has to come see him. I dont know what to do. I love him with all my heart, and dont want to break up, but i cant do this anymore. I feel like i am the only one in this relationship that is holding this together. Im just so confused on what to do. He says he loves me, but he dont show it. I tried to talk to him, but its like it goes in one ear and out the other. Should i try to talk to him again, or should I just break it off? What do I do? How do I get through to him, that I need attention? I don't know what to do! please help me!

When I start to like a guy, and I know he likes me to, if we hang out or go out or do anything together or even talk on the phone, I lock up!! I don't understand it, I'm a really talkative girl, but I've never had guys interested in me before because I'm over weight, and here lately a guy named Michael has shown interest in me, and I came over to his place and for about 7 hours I could not start a conversation, I have a fear that I'm going to say something wrong, or say something stupid, and he wont like me anymore. I want to get over this fear of being open, but I'm scared, I don't know what to do, now Michael is to where he doesn't know if he even wants to be with me because I lock up. I just..I wish that I could just talk about anything, and hes not very open either, he rarely says 10 words back to me if I do talk..But I can talk to him all day and all night on the internet!! What should I do!?

I have been married for 6 months and we are already thinking about Divorce. He has packed his things and found his own apartment and I am planning on moving out of state. After this decision we have been wonderful together. We always are when we can "go home". The plan now is to have a long distance marriage and possibly try again in about 5 years. Is this possible? What kind of example am I setting for my children (2 girls, he is not their father). We love each other more than anything and still want to be together, but when we are together it just doesn't work and we aren't happy.

I have been in a relationship for the past 2 1/2 years. We've had problems before, but worked through them. Recently, things have been going really bad, I love him very much and at times things are so good. I know I want to and could be with him for the rest of my life, but it seems as though it's not going to happen. We don't get along and we just can't seem to work together. At times things are so good but then moments later it'll be as if we hate each other. I don't know why we just don't seem to see eye to eye with one another and why we just can't get past this and be happy with one another.

My problem with relationships is that I can't seem to have one. A soon as someone shows interest in me, I get scared and run. I have stressed over this for a while - I think part of my issue is that I feel like if I let myself get close to a man, he will eventually leave. My father left when I was in my early teens. I adored him and he left. And I have only dated one man that I truly fell in love with - and he turned out to be a liar. He was married and told me he wasn't. So now there's a new guy I've been talking to and as soon as he asked me out I freaked out. I think I know why I behave this way -- I just don't know what to do to change it.

I am in a stupid relationship and I need desperate help. I cann't build a relationship I am always moody pls help Doc Keith.