dear whoever can help me,
i was with my girlfriend for over a year and a half. we were perfect for eachother and we made eachother so happy and we have so much in common but it all changed about 5 months ago, her "best friend" steven, started to tell her that i wasnt right for her and that i was controlling her so she broke up with me, well, about a month later we got back together, and then he manipulated her agin and she said she hated me and never wanted to talk to me again, and then 2 months after that she kiseed me and told me that breaking up with me was a big mistake and that she miserable now, i want to try to get her back agian but i dont want to be hurt agin, what should i do?

Dr. Keith,
I have been dating a 42 year old man for 9 months now. after the 2 month he moved himself into my home. I am a single parent of 3 boys 7,8, and 14. I did not reject his moving in because it just felt like we had a strong connection and in this time we did alot of soul searching and talking about what we were looking for. It all seemed to be good in the beggining only to seem to fall apart. I met him at a job we were both working at and our relationship went on but he had a problem with paying half the bills. I may be wrong but I need your advice, should I be asking him to pay half of the bills beings I have 3 children? I feel if we are in a committed relationship and talking marriage down the road it is only fair for both of us to communicate as to what we both think is fair. We came up with an amount which I end up paying the most of it. He pays 400 month and I pay 600. Yet in the past months I have fitted the bill. He has given me 200 in the past 7 months with here and there throwing in tennis shoes for the boys and couple pairs of jeans ea. and shirts. I just feel used here and taken advantage of.
I just got fed up with it and told him to get out and I can do that on my own and without stress. Whats your view?

Please help I am losing my mind with guilt.
I am 31 years old, have been engaged to my boyfriend for 3 years and have been dating him for six years. I started dating him after finally getting out of an physically and emotionally abusive relationship of eight years. He has two daughters, he got his collage girlfriend pregnant and they tried to make it work by having another child. The marriage lasted five years. The problem is that I am so threatened by his ex wife and children, that it has become to much for me to take. We went to a counselar and she gave us some advice to limit the visitation and make it the same time every month. My fiance refuses to do this, he says his and their schedules are to busy.I am so overwhelmed with the feeling that they are so much more important then me that I cant take it. I have gotten to a point that I dont even believe he cares about me. He doesnt even mention wanting to have a family with me anymore, its almost like he hates me for not being able to except his kids as my own. I have really tried, It just tares someting out of me because he loves them so much. I think I am going to have to end it. I dont want to be a selfish bad person, but I cant contol how insecure I feel whats wrong with me?

I don't know if I have a problem or if this is how life is???"With my Marriage" 24yrs old been through alot and scared to share my life to other people in fear they will tell everyone. Alot of things happened to me as a young girl and as a young women. I wonder if this is part of my marital issues?

Hi Dr. Keith. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. One night my boyfriend went out with friends and got really drunk. He doesn't remember what happened, but he woke up next to one of the girls. She told him that all they did was kiss and fondled each other. both their clothes were still on. I want to take him back and work things out, but i'm afraid he'll cheat again. He doesn't know why he did it and he is very ashamed that he did it.

My mother has been arguing with my sister and I for years. I'm 24 and the only reason I'm still living with her is because, I'm unemployed and can't afford to move. My mom thinks she's always right, and doesn't know how to admit to her faults. She always feels as if she has to butt in to other's people's lives, with business that doesn't concern her. I know I can be smart and she says I'm being disrespectful but, I honestly believe she doesn't like the truth. She gets into it with my sister as well, and we get into it on a daily basis. I dislike her with so much passion, I can't and don't want to speak to her. Period. I can't move out because I have no money or a job. I hate that it's come to this point but, built up hurt and pain from the past is all that seem to dance in my head nowadays. My boyfriend can't visit and she makes things difficult. It didn't use to be this bad and she refuses to believe she needs help. She treats me like I'm 12 and doesn't respect the fact that I'm a grown woman, and whatever choices I make, I made them, they're not for her to worry about. She's always judging somebody and trying to throw God into a situation like, "I hate when it's your time to be judged". The other day she told me I lost God because I didn't agree with her on an issue about cursing. I mean, come on, is it really that serious? I'm trying to do this to get some type of results to understand, why she acts the way she does. If she continues to believe she doesn't need help, and don't want to work the problem out with my sister and I, then I'm through with my parents. This is sad but true, and would be fine by me. My stepfather has no backbone and goes along with whatever she says anyway. To top things off, she doesn't believe she's going through menopause and I'm beginning to think she's bipolar.

Right now, I am feeling very confused and anxious. I don't want to feel this way, but I do. In my case, 2 years ago, I walked away from a 9-year relationship and am now having regrets. I have never done relationships well. I have been divorced twice, and my boyfriend and I were not married, but lived together for 9 years. He talked often of marriage, but I was afraid of his drinking. Also, we both had trust issues that needed to be worked out. I was simply too scared to commit. The relationship we were in was a rather "rocky" one. I had trust issues with him. When we met, he was committed to sobriety. Later, he started drinking, and we began fighting over my teenage daughter who lived with us. We would have breakups and make-ups frequently. A few times, when I felt particularly hurt and "insignificant" I would threaten to leave. Once, following his son's football game, I felt totally dismissed by him, because his ex-wife was present and he was not. So I threatened to leave and go see an old boyfriend - which I did. He couldn't believe I would do what I did, and to this day that choice haunts us. Kind of like the song, "Oooo Baby, baby, my heart went out to play, but in the 'game' I lost you - what a price to pay. This is how I am feeling. The last time I was with him, 2.5 years ago, I had just been diagnosed with brain cancer, we had just moved into a new home and he was drinking heavily. We were fighting about my daughter again and my doctors were telling me to alleviate stress as much as possible to help my recovery. I was open with them about him and me. Finally, I felt I had enough so I packed and left. I believed that if I acted quickly and begin 'dating' I would completely end it. Soooo, I met someone and immediately began a new relationship. (Can we say 'rebound'). After 2 plus years, I find myself finally and actually greiving my loss . He tells me he has met someone who he feels he loves. I heard from friends that they are talking marriage. I am feeling crushed. Things between my new guy and I are a bit on hold. About 6 months ago, I told him I didn't want to live together anymore, so he moved out. I did this when I began feeling tormented with my regrets about the situation. I have tried to focus on myself and my faith. Its not working. I am sleepless by torment over the choices I have made. A few times I called him and tried to make amends, but he consistently turns the conversations to sex. He tells me I was his best lover ever, and that he misses me. This is what is hurtful and confusing, because I feel the same way. Yet he tells me he is not "courageous enough" to get back with me. This makes me think that our relationship was probably based solely on sex. If so, then why do I feel I am still in love with him and want to be with him? This is hurting me and I want to work this out so I can move on without such a tormenting regret.

I think is cute as well. I also know that he is a nice guy. My husband and I are on one of the shows this fall. Everyone at the show treated us really well, I hope I get to go back.

Dr. Ablow
I just recently celebrated my 21 anniversary. On my 20th my husband took me taco bell and told me he was tired of being married wanted to b friends w/benefits. Knowing he is bipolar and on no meds I felt it to b wrong. I knew it wasn't what he was saying. He was actually smoking crack the first time in 03 I was working 5 16hour days he was smoking crack I had just got to where I had faith in him again and he pulls this. Causes my son to quit football and school. They went to jail and had to get them out my son being 17 I want to forgive him but I am so hurt and pissed help me let it go

I met a man in March from Florida. I looked him up on net detective to verify that he indeed was divorced. I told him about this several weeks later. He now says that was the beginning of his change of feelings for me. He told me thAT HE LOVED ME HEART,BODY AND SOUL AFTER TALKING over the phone for one month he dumped me 7 weeks ago by just not accepting my calls. He finally took a call and said that after my visit in June that he realizes that he lost trust in me because I checked up on him. I am devastated.

Dr. Keith,
I’ve been dating this guy for 2 years and its been really rough on us for the past month financially that its putting a strain on our relationship we can barely afford to do anything no extra money for anything and were both not use to this at all it is a huge adjustment and a wake up call to have money put away for rainy days I think we both learned a huge lesson from our situation...

Dr keith,
Ive been dating my boyfriend for a year now. about 3 months into our relationship i started talking to my ex boyfriend nothing was going on, but we remained close frinends because we had dated for so long. My boyfriend found out about it and does not trust me at all. I told him that we were just friends but he did not believe me. To this day if I go out with my friends he gets worried. a If I don't call him we get into terrible fights and he treatens to break up with me. I know in my heart that i don't want to be with anyone else I love him very much.But the thing is, every time we get into a really bad fight he brings up old things and we end up fighting about things from the past. He can let things go. What should I do to help fix our relationship so we won't fight about stupid things??
Thanks nikki

i have been married for about 15 months, but with my husband for 10 years. about a month ago he all of a sudden is going through things and wants space. he won't sleep in the same room with me anymore let alone be home at all. he says he's been at his friends' house which i can believe. he spends all of his time with his friends and hardly any with me. it's been like that for a while. i just finished school and i'm sure it was stressful for my husband too, but all of a sudden he wants me to move out or he'll divorce me. he won't seek any help w/ me at all. he said he's fed up w/ everything and it may be too late for us. i acn't get him to spend any time w/ me and he doesn't even call me. he said our realtionship was better before marriage and when we livd aprt for 2 months while i finished school. he won't call me or anything. he just wants to be done with me. how do you throw in the towel after all that time together? we've been through so much together!

Dr Keith,
I'm in need of advice. I have been with Kevin for 5 years been married for 3. Just a lil background. When we were still boyfriend and girlfried I found out he was cheating on me. I told him if he ever cheated on me again that I would not take him back. well we got married everything was fine after a year or 2 he started acting strange. He was never home. he told me he was staying at his friend's house and I was neive . I believed him. A few days ago he confesed that he was screwing this woman named Roxanne .they worked together so she knew he was married. she even saw me sitten the the van. When he told me my heart was broken so bad. I couldnt breathe. I was in total shock. Here we are Married and he commited Adultry.He called me and says he's sorry that he loves me. I told him if he wouldve loved me he would never have cheated. SO What do I do? I totally Dont trust him. PLease help me. I need advice ASAP/..Thanks Lela

I've been dating this woman for over a year, and since we've started living together things are worse, we argue over the stupidist things, then we want t make up until the next arguement. She has been there the entire time while I was going through problems with a former relationship, but now that we live together she's become the problem, I don't like to argue, I want to live in peace. Oh by the way she has two children of her own, a boy 13yrs and a girl 11yrs. My friends insist I need to be alone and worry about my own problems.

Im a 44 yr single, working mom with 3 daughters ages 22,16,10(oldest is married and has left home) I have never been married. Had a few long term relationships in the past. Three years ago I had surgery that restricted my food intake. Ive lost about 90 pounds in 3 yrs. I feel better, healthier,and my self esteem is alot higher. But now I cant seem to meet any good quality men..And when I do, I sabotage the relationship before we really get to know each other. Most guys say I am bitchy and cold, I dont think I am. My my work and my kids keep me busy. I do find time to date. Im ready to give up. I think maybe I should wait til the kids are grown, but I really dont want to. Im not looking for a husband,or a father for my kids,just a best friend for intimacy. My friends tell to wait, wait for Mr.Right to come along..yet they dont wait. They jump into one relationship after another.
Maybe I am too selective.
But shouldnt I be?

I am so in love with my gf who broke up with me. I have been an ass to her i told her i will change. ive been leaving her messages voicemails and myspace messages text messages. she has responded to only one of them. what should i do. with out her I feel empty. Her my space name is mishistar. thanks a mil
~Mark~

Dr. Keith, I just find out my husband of 12 years have been cheating for 3 months he lied about it, but I found out that its really true and I kicked him out and he is still seeing the other woman and shes also married. Please write back .

My husband and I have twin boys they are 16 months old. I am a stay at home Mom I have no time to myself b/c my husband works 12 hour days and has every hobby there is. How can I get him to help me more and give me breaks? He comes home from work and leaves to go to his shop and mess while I give the boys a bath and put them to bed I feel like they don't know him? Thanks Erika

To Khayzee,

Sounds like your boyfriend maybe insecure and needs reasurance of his manlihood by flirting with other females. I personally wouldn't stand for that. If he still chose to flirt rather than respect my feelings, then he's not the man for me. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Kess

im living now with my boyfriend and im 5 months pregnant now..we have this ups and downs..and it always bothering me because i cant trust him like before..eventhough im pregnant hes doing some flirty things with hes x and some other girls..he tells me that eventhough hes doing those things im the only one he loves..i mean..is that love..?? yeah,he cares for me and everything but that cheating thing..is that normal..hope you can help me..

It's the middle of the night and I'm torn between watching your style of healing and listening to Creflo Dollar preach on James 5:15, Learning how to pray.I pray every day that my 37 year old son will be healed and forgive his wife for leaving him and his brother for turning against him.I thought I'd be living alone in this adult community but God had other plans for me.I just feel powerless now because my son is facing jail if he can't prove his disability to the child support hearing officer and probation dept by 9/20.I fear this because he can't even do it through his social security disability lawyer who is going into his 4rth appeal.He lost his medical coverage and is dealing with a hospital clinic now and Charity Care.It is looking hopeless. he's filed a motion for a reduction of his child support and a suspension of it until this appeal is heard but the hearing officer basically made a judgement based on his appearance that he looks well enough to be working.God help us because the primary doctor he used to have just sent him a copy of his medical file and we're supposed to try and make sense of it in order to present it to this hearing officer.He can't afford a lawyer.He needs a 4rth back surgery and would have to pay his prior surgeon up front in order to see him and obtain written proof of his continued disability.I guess I'm rambling but this is how helplessness sounds.

to Linda S.
Well, it seems you need to set precidents in this new marriage. I assume that you and your new spouse are not a young couple just starting out because you stated "his" son will be renting his house. He had a lot of nerve taking the the 2,000 with out asking you and then repairing his house.If you are living together then you better make up a "budget" and decide just what are his responsibilities. He can't just come in to your home and become a "squatter" , unless of course you let him!
He's taking advantage of you LindaS and if you don't say or do something about it now, I don't see any furture for your marriage.

I married almost 3 months ago. We both have our own homes. We drew up a premarital agreement. We agreed he would sell his home due to not having too much equity,having a high morgage,and all most all his income goes for his own investment in his own home.He also without talking to me, took over 2,000 we received as a gift from our wedding, to use on making many repairs on his own home. He moved into my home, all bills are paid by me, he buys food amounting to maybe 100.00 dollars, once or twice a month. I feel used and upset he changed our plans on selling his home, by choosing to rent it to his son, and still having to insure,and pay taxes on his home, I benefit nothing from this situation. What do you think about this please?

ive cheated on the one love twice with the same girl, be were ingaged and then it was all over, i still love her and i am scared that i will never be able to get back with her, what can i do to make a fresh start with her and win her back

Dr. Keith, My brother and I have not spoken to each other in over ten years. It all started in 1995 when I told him about a relationship I was having with a man. My family didn't approve, and I trusted him with the secret, but he told my mother anyway and decided to disown me. I knew the relationship with the man wouldn't last and I would be able to repair the relationships with my family but, while my mother forgave me, my brother did not. I've always thought he would come around, but my mother says he still doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I wonder if he is still carrying some resentment from our childhood and the way I treated him while we were growing up. I can only guess what is in his mind as he won't tell my mother, or she won't pass on that information to me. While we have never been close, I want to reconcile with my only sibling while we are still living in the same town and I will be moving out of state again in a few years. I would feel very sad if the next and last time we see each other is at our mother's funeral. I don't want to continue this stalemate and hope you can help me mend my relationship with my younger brother. I am 41 years old and my brother is 37 years old. I think we're too far along in years to be carrying old baggage from our childhood and adulthood disagreements and conflicts. What can I do to start things fresh with him? Thank you for your time and consideration. Peace, Lynne O'Connor

We need more men as intuitive... and cute, as Dr. Ablow.

best book ever

I like Dr. Keith. He's so smart. What do you guys think?