My MIL dislikes me so much, my husband cant see it. She makes snide remarks, puts me down and i cannot not do anything right. I can see that she is trying to have control over me and the only way she can achieve that is by breaking my self confidence. I do what I can around the house, Im not a lazy person, I do my bit, yet still I dont get any aknowledgement from her. At the begining of my marriage, I used to get very depressed because of the way she was treating me, al I wanted was for her to accept me, but now Ive learnt she never will and I have to speak out and not let her get away with bullying me. I know this treatment will continue and may get worse, it's going to be a constant daily battle with her. Is this how I want to live the rest of my life? No it isnt, but if I want to be with my husband I have to live with her for now...dont know what will happen in the future for sure, but I hope she will drop dead sooner rather than later. She's very jelous of my relationship with my husband, I can see the jelousy ouzing off her...she's evil and pretents to be so God fearing and Holy...she's nothing but that, Ive seen what lies beneath her falseness...Ive tried being nice, helpful, polite, but it makes no difference. Just have to keep living and make the most of what I have and try and not let her bother me, although it is hard to ignore, and hurtful.

I have been married to my husband for 5 yrs this month, together with him for 10. We would have been married a lot sooner, and would be a lot happier- if it wasn't for his mother. She is an Italian immigrant, and the equivalent of an American "trailer trash". Anything tacky you can think of, she has done it at least once. The real kicker is how she passes herself off as being "holy"- she walks around with her rosary beads praying, and goes to church every day!!!
Here are some of the antics she has engaged in of late. If I go back too far, my BP will go up-
1. The light in one of her 3 bathrooms broke. One of her nieces has a husband who is an electrical contractor, working 6 days a week. She called Lola and DEMANDED that her husband go over on his day off and fix her light. He had to spend a few hundred dollars out of his own pocket to pay to fix things, and spend a whole afternoon there at work. She didn't pay him- rather, she went into her husband's closet and took out a new shirt (size M) he got as a Christmas gift from her daughter and gave it to Paul! (Paul is an XXL!!)She didn't even pay for the materials!
2. Her older daughter gives her money to pay for home repairs (sis married a doctor), and whenever anything needs to be done, materials and labor have to be donated.
3. Last Christmas she gave each of my brother-in-laws expensive after shave/cologne kits...and me a $20 Boscovs special cookie jar.
4. I woke up very sick with a cold Thursday. I was sick all weekend, and am still sick today. She calls my husband and DEMANDS that we entertain his son (previous relationship- NOT a marriage) because he "doesn't spend enough time with his son". This son is 26 years old, and lives with her so she can have control over my husband, and continue to manipulate our marriage! I am then forced to cook fancy meals and clean up to appease these monsters.
5. She will not attend my birthday, nor that of my children. However, she DEMANDS that we attend hers, and makes trouble if I don't.
6. Her husband's birthday is the day before my sons. She deliberately schedules his celebration on whatever day I choose, and has even changed the date when I have let her set the date first. Then, she causes trouble if I refuse to attend, canceling my sons' party.

These are just a few of the problems my "witch-in-law" has caused. My husband and I had a very big argument over the incident in #4 last night, and he is threatening to leave. I went upstairs instead of waiting on the 2 of them hand and foot, and I laughed at his son because he joined an old Italians man club in our area, and made them throw a kariaoke night, in which he won first prize. (NO self-respecting old guy, esp. anyone of my Dad's era, would be caught dead singing kariaoke, unless they were VERY drunk! I commented that he won because he was the only one competing, because he can't carry a tune in a bucket!) This is not the first time she has instigated problems. We were married ONE WEEK when his mother told him he needed to move home because she and his son needed him, he abandoned them for me. The next call he made was to me to tell me how "horrible" I was, and he was sorry he married me, blah blah...I saw the 2 calls back to back on the cell phone bill, and I keep the bill in case he ever does leave.

I am 49, and am too old for this crap. I was married before, and my first mother-in-law makes this one look like a choir girl. If I could find a publisher, I would write a book, and would call it "Marry a man only if his parents are a continent away or six feet under."

Thanks for listening.

My mother in law is the worst EVER. She has never liked me from day one and thats ok with me! She is always in someone elses buisiness and has some sort of rude or un needed comment to make, she went as far as to call my family white trash and a few other way over the line comments. She is like this with lots of other family members and to a point they all deal with it by saying 'oh thats just the way she is', but not me I told her she needed to bak off and keep her thoughts and opinions to herself, our life is not hers and we dont need to hear her comments.

I was in a relationship for 1 year and a half and I proposed to her she said yes well after her mom found out she started putting a wedge between me and my fiance' and after awhile she came between us and split us up and we had a bad break up cause of it well I went to my Pastor of my church and he put me on the right path and to this day I am trying to find someone to be with that wont let her mom come between us

my mil is the worst. We have been married for 15 yrs and together for 17. We dated in high school and then got married. When she met my parents she basically called me a fat slut to my parents face. When I went on a last family vacation before i got married we had bought a fixer up and she decided to do all the painting and change colors. thought it was too dark. Then when i had kids it just got worse. they are all girls well she was okay when they were little and then when they grew up forget it with her. Her favorites are her grandsons. Which are wild and mean boys She will buy stuff for them and give it to them in front of my girls. Then one day at church she my daughter went up to her grandson which is her little baby. And my daughter rubbed the top of her head which did not hurt. And told her to leave him alone and dont hit him. I said she did not hit him and that it did not hurt. Then she proceeded to tell a man that those were her sons kids and they are bad kids. Everything that happens are my kids fault. She blamed my 14 yr old for tearing up paper in church and leaving it there. She knows better it was her other grandkids. She is constantly talking about them. Then another day we were at a restaurant and i over heard the conversation wehre a lady asked her if that was her granddaughter and she said yes that is his talking about her sons kids. And sthen in the next breath told the lady that my oldest daughter called her stupid which i dont think she did and and she said I dont care i dont like them any way. That is her granddaughters. They are so sweet and caring kids she is missing out on so much with them. She is always doing something in public do that i dont confront her I dont want to cause a scene with people there.

OH man does my mother in law really make me ms she is always getting in me and her sons personal problems. we have two babies a 13 month old and a 3 month old.... my three month old baby eats like 8 oz every three hours and still acts like she is hungry so i decided to feed her a little rice cereal i thought mabye it would fill her up... welll when my mother in law seen me shee freaked out when i tried to explain why she turned around and fliped her and up in the air right in my face while i was still talking to her..... that made me sooooooo mad . she tries to tell me how to take care of my kids well she has a five year old daughter that just sarted to go to school, i did her hair on a saturday and it was the same but messed up a week later. she diddnt give her a bath for a whole week........... that makes me sick. that poor little girl has to go to school dirty with messed up hair..and its not like the woman is busy because she is a stay at home mom

This is a second marriage for my husband and me and we both have children from that. My mother in law has treated me and my children like 2nd class citizens. The only grandchildren she publicily acknowledges is my husbands.My husband and I have been married for 8 yrs now and my children treat him like there own father and deserve better treatment. My husband says well its her loss but Its really hard to put my angry aside since My children and I do more for my husband then his own family. I keep saying that I will not visit them anymore but my husband is free to do so I would never make him choose between us but I always give in and go w/ him . I always feel like I am letting my kids down though because I feel like I should be standing up for them more.

This is a second marriage for my husband and me and we both have children from that. My mother in law has treated me and my children like 2nd class citizens. The only grandchildren she publicily acknowledges is my husbands.My husband and I have been married for 8 yrs now and my children treat him like there own father and deserve better treatment. My husband says well its her loss but Its really hard to put my angry asside since My children and I do more for my husband then his own family. I keep saying that I will not visit them anymore but my husband is free to do so I would never make him choose between us but I always give in and go w/ him . I always feel like I am letting my kids down though because I feel like I should be standing up for them more.

I just come to a conclusion mother in laws never get along with daughter in laws well at least in my life. I have been married for almost 3 yrs. I have a son 2 and a husband that is still a mommys boy. Wont listen to anything I say his mom is always right... If i have failed to mention I am the trouble maker to him at least that what he says.. However when I had the baby I C section which I had so bad time.. I had to stay with my mom the mother in law wasnt happy thats when it began. My son is 2 they leave 6 hrs away only seen him 3 to 4 times but claim its my fault. I have took stuff like name calling etc. and still tell them they can come to visit NOW THEY REFUSE.. My husband will not take up for us matter of fact he has left us 2 times to go back home and refuses to set his mother straight. This marriage has serious problems and a lot of people must grow up there is a baby involved... But is it best to leave well enough alone and dont talk to the inlaws and let my husband. But I feel if the mother isnt wanted then dont bother messing with the child.

We use to get along she and I but then again she doesn't believe in common marriage. I guess I can understand in a sense but does she have to be so nasty? She goes out of her way to hurt my feelings. She and I get along swimmingly for a few years and then all of a sudden, she turns on me. Just a few months ago (may) My family and I went to NYC. I made sure that she had shoes for a wedding that she planned to attend. B4 I could get in the gate, she says... 'Every time I see you all you do is get fatter and fatter." Maybe I was wrong but I gave her a good tongue lashing. I am sorry that we no longer get along. I use to love her but I will not take that from not even my own mother. She is rude and obnoxious. He is in the middle of his two favorite girls. What to do?

I started to date my husband when we were 15yrs old, and married @ age 24. We waited to get married until after college and we had our jobs and purchased a home. Our first mistake was to purchase a home close by his widowed mother.

Through out the 9 years we had dated, I noticed a bit of "nastiness" and some sarcasim from my husbands mother, and it did hurt my feelings so I just kept my distance and hoped for the best. I loved her son dearly, and I did not want to let it get in-between us. After all, I was planning my future with him. I had set long term goals with this young man and as soon as I finished my student teaching I was going to marry him and start a happy family. SO I THOUGHT!!!

It started soon after the wedding. And progressed to a nightmare up until her death 2 yrs ago. She is still haunting us! I filled for divorce last winter, but that is not the answer. She will have won, and my daughters will have lost. I knew there were serious problems but could not pinpoint a label until the other day. My husband was a victim of "emotional incest." Now our young family has fallen victim to his mother also.

I guess I have nothing to complain about when I read some of the troubles here. My M-I-L is pretty nice, but my husband and I both don't like how she tries to meddle into things by droping hints and such. We both feel she is very sneaky and both admitted that we are happy that we are at least 4 states away from her. When we went to visit, she treated me very poorly and yet nice at the same timie. One night, she made dinner (I'm vegitarian) and didnt make anything for me to eat. She said that I could heat something up from the fidge. My husband saw that I wasn't exaggerating about her. He spent dinner time making me something to eat, instead of sitting down to eat with his parents. Then he brought it to me to eat in the bedroom (I'd said I wasn't hugry and had gone to the guestroom.) I wouldn't let our son visit with them that night either. I said that if she wanted to act like I wasn't part of the family, then my son wouldn't be either; my husband supported my decission.
I finally had to email her put things straight. I don't know how things should be considered, she has sort of backed off now, though she still makes comparisons to her daughter's boyfriend vs ex-husband as little hints to me, I guess. At least I have my husband backing me up and not siding with his mother agaisnt me anymore (he used to get mad at me over her).

My mother in law is the most unlikeable person I have ever meet in my life..I have been with my husband since 2003 and we were married in 2006..His mother has never spoke to me and even at my wedding she never spoke to me she turns her head when she sees me..I just had a baby he will be two months and I have alot of concerns she tells my husband him and my son can come over but myself and my two other little children can stay home..When I had him my husband cried not for me and his son but for his mom Ya made me feel nice and loved..My entire 9mths he was an ass to me and he put me down non stop but now he tries to be nice to me, I have a hard time forgetting what he did..His Mom,sister and grandparents only call him on his cell phone they wont call me who stays home with the kids they call him who works and farms at night so ya I do it all so they dont care about be..It sucks because Im at an all time low point in my life I have alot of things happen to me in my life and Im thirty soon to be thirty one..I cant handle trying to get my husband to stand up for me. Also not to talk to everyone behind my back because it makes me really uneasy... Thanks

hi my mother in law is evil .i have been married for six years together for nine.the very first time i met her i felt so scared of her and was for years.she has done demeaning things to me .hurtful things she would say to me.hurtful actions to let it be known i was this worthless girl.you name it controlling is her game as she did for years to me and my husband.my husband is the second youngest son of three.she had them conditioned as her husband,who was is the same way to me.they are all very demeaning cocky,and cold people.know for one more person my evil sister in law whos married to the oldest son.again when i first met her very cold and jelous just down right mean.her and my mother in law teamed up on this treatment.i didnt come from a good family i was abused all my life from my real parents who i have no contact today.so i met my husband at 22 very nieve and in love.i was so conditioned of being treated badly that resulted in me taking this treatment for years.also my husband never would say that this was wrong, nothing,never stick up for his wife and child.once my son was born it got worse espacilly with my sister in law.she would pick on my son .i stopped at that i fought with them countless times .would keep my son away and still do .i live for my boy i love him and they know dont mess with my child,you will see me roar .

hi dr.keith
my husband and i have been together for for years almost married one yr have a 4and1/2 month old daughter his mom has never been found of me even has told me shed rather see her son with ex-wife because she treated him better (before i was pregnant with his daughter)since my daughter he has told her not to give our daughter solid foods like potatoes syrup sprite so on and she continues to and this started at 4 weeks old my husband has even said she dosent treat me like i am his wife and like his birthday in july i was planning a bbq and she made other plans when they fell through for poeple showing on only a day notice she was mad at me for not inviting more people when i had they had other plans and that was the first night my husband had said okay we will be there but the only thing serenity can have is her formula his mother wouldn't hold her or look after or even kiss her grand-daughter good bye what can i do to get my husband to A-stand up to her
B- get her to respect our wishes and rules for our daughter...

I have a mother-n-law who hates me and it makes for lots of stress and emotions all the time. She doesnt like me because I fought with her son and she over heard it, as if couples don't fight! She never gave me a chance this happend 6 months after I met her son. Its been 4 years since and she won't give me a chance.

Renea, you didn't mention if you have kiddies or not.

Regardless, TALK to your husband and tell him how serious this is. You have to get through to him, and then he will have to get through to his Mother that he can still be there for her, but that he also has to be there for his wife also.

Maybe you both can talk to her and reassure her that you are not taking her son away, but only adding to his life which in turn will add to hers.

Good luck!

Kess

My mother-n-law is hard to get a long with. She was a single mom with three sons and my husband just happened to be the favorite who always took care of her. Now she still expects him to take care of her every need. Also she never talks to me unless she wants a favor from me. She wants him to only hung and kiss on her and when he does me she gets mad at him and makes him feel bad. I dont know if I can handle her any more. Ive thought about divorcing my husband just because of her!

We're going to be moving away also, (9 hours) but although my in-laws aren't happy about seeing their Grandchild less, they'll get more quality time with her when they do as they'll be spending time over holidays, and will be spending longer periods of time with her. We are not moving because of them though, and they know that. We made sure to get their blessings before our final decision. I'm afraid of the tension that will occur when we do move though. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle having people staying over for long periods of time like that. More chance for problems that I try to keep at bay by keeping my distance now. I'll deal with it though, because my family have good hearts, and they love us. My issues from the past shouldn't effect them, and in turn my daughter and husband.

Kess

Amy, I know exactly how you feel.Me and my husband just just moved awy from my inlaws, which they were very against in the fist place. My father inlaw is very dependent on my two year old, he'll get litterally depressed if he does not see her .It makes me feel extremely guilty and at fualt with taking her away from him. He wont come to our house and only wants us to take her to his house. hes only happy if shes around. Ive tried talking to him but he says that eh dosent care that weve moved away but now the only way that he tals to his son is if it involves the drop off of our daughter. His whole family bames me for the move and its starting to put a strain on our relationship because hes starting to believe it.

Amy, I have the same type of mother-in-law. We only got along for about two seconds. Then she became the monster she is. Two years ago my mother-in-law was spreading such horrible lies about me that my husband decided he didn't want to raise our unborn daughter around her. He moved us 1400 miles to be near my family. He talks to her now, but she does everything in her power to make him feel guilty because he took her granddaughter away. I'm just glad that he tells her it is becuase of her lies and not because I made him.

My mother in-law has tried to do every thing under the sun to ruin our marriage. I mean she has gone to serious measurements to get us to split up. But I have news for her I love her son. And there is nothing she can do to end it. We love eachother and we see right through her petty attempts.

Amy, I sympathize with your situation. But you are the Mother, and if the Mother-in-law won't accept you, then that's her problem....NOT yours. You can't change her....so why waste energy when you could be focusing on your precious son and your relationship with your husband.

Kess

My mother-in-law refuses to see our child (her only grandson) if I am present. My in-laws refuse to visit our house, and even if we attempt to visit them at their house, they make sure they have other plans that weekend. She demands to see my son when and how long SHE wants, without even asking me, and it does not always coincide with our family schedule. If I deny her to take my son for a week straight she accuses me of not allowing her to see her grandson (which is not true, we are more than willing to go visit them or have them as guests in our house). I can not help but think she has major insecuirty issues and also has been jealousy of me for taking her precious son away. She has tried to turn my husband against me also by telling lies that other family members did not say (such as telling my husband that no one in the family likes me, and i'm not the same sweet girl he married, etc.). She has really hurt me, but I do not see a good enough reason to give up my son, when she is retired and could come visit (they live less than 2 hrs away). Anyway, my husband does not care to speak to them when they act like this, but it breaks my heart that my husband and son miss out on a relationship with them because of their stubborn-ness and insecurity. I just do not see a good resolution to it.

My future "Monster-In-Law" has taken some unbelievable steps to attempt to destroy our relationship....and of course even though my fiance agrees COMPLETELY when she's not around, he says nothing to her. After a while I finally said something to her! Lets just say that she now has a better understanding about me and where I am coming from. She may continue to attempt to control her son---but not US as a couple. I agree with Kess...there is no room for evil here.

Sometimes the mother-in-law is fine, until there'a a baby in the picture. Then the relatives (mostly female relatives do this,in my experience) sort of vie or compete with one another for "dominion" over the child - which can cause strained relationships where none existed before.

I can't stand the ground my mother in law walks on. She expects me to cater to her son no matter what, but guess what, this ain't the 50's, 60's, 70's or 80's, this is a new millenium and it took both of us to get married therefore it will take both of us to keep and sustain this marriage. I am no one's slave, I answer only to one person, the almighty.

In addition to my last comment on this subject, I also want to mention how my relationship with my Grandma when I was a little girl plays a role in the relationship with my Mother-in-Law and my daughter. I'm afraid that my daughter will have the closeness with her Grandma that I did with mine, and that she will love her more than I. Jealousy and possessiveness are negative traits that I should overcome for the sake of my daughter. I do try very hard to not let this interfere with my relationship with my Mother-in-Law, and her relationship with her Grandma.

Kess

Likewise, I have a wonderful Mother-in-Law....although we have differences because of my resistance to having someone come close to me. She is quite unlike my Mother...chalk and cheese. But I'm very lucky to have her in my life. A very accepting and non-judgemental lady. Mother-in-Law relationships in general are good topics to discuss.

Kess

I was blessed to have a mother-in-law who had a complementary temperament and values to my mother - different but compatible with...

that's the flip side of the story you are seeking yet it may be worthy asking people about what works, Dr. Ablow, and for you to explore why....sort of like Learned Optimism...learning to see both extremes along the spectrum.

Anyway, your pithy insights on The Today Show (and your education/experience) interested me enough to look forward to seeing your show - Tivo'd for convenient watching.

From the kinds of human stories you are going to be covering (much like Dr. Phil & Oprah) I gather it is your approach that will be the diferentiator.

Consider having Dr. Paul Elman on - now that reading faces and detecting lying is important for those trained to protect us from danger it might also be a time to show mroe people how to get along better, using the same skills

Who needs an evil Mother-in-Law in your life? I've no need for anyone evil in my life. If someone wants to cause problems for me and my family, then they are no longer a part of my life. Life is too short for such nonsense!

Kess